Home is where the heart is
by Mik Sunrider
Summary: Ellie and Joel return to Jackson, to find peace and security, if the universe would just let them. Follow their adventure as they live, love and survive, in the world where each moment could be your last.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own or claim any rights to any characters, scenarios, and/or any game-plays in this work of fiction. All rights and property belong to Naughty Dog, Sony Entertainment and/or any and/or all other parties in respect to any popular television, literature and/or motion pictures references that I include in this work. In other words, I own nothing (seriously, ask my bill collectors they'll tell you I own nothing) in this work; I am only playing around in the amazing world Naughty Dog created. My only hope is that if Naughty Dog, Sony Entertainment and/or any other parties who's works I am referencing see this work; I hope that they are entertain and do not send the Runners, Stalkers, Clickers, and Bloaters … er … I mean the lawyers after me. (That does sound like a great name for law firm, don't it … 'Runner, Stalker, Clicker and Bloater … we'll take a bite out of you for justice'.)_

_I hope that you, as the reader, also enjoy this work. Updates, unknown; sorry but I can't tell you how often I will update, or how long this will be nor the end point. Ellie and Joel will tell their story at their own pace, I'm just the transcriber. Although, I have four chapters done at the time of this posting, so …_

_ I don't like Author notes, so don't expect any. Unlike my other stories, this will be more of a collection of short stories of Ellie's and Joel's life after the they get back to Jackson. Except the first and last chapter, each chapter will be first person of either Ellie or Joel or an O.C., depending on the story that needs to be shared. This story is and will remain rated M, don't blame me; Ellie has the mouth of a sailor. Also for violence, some adult themes … however, if you are looking for graphic, hot, steamy, sex scenes … sorry you are not going to find it here._

_ So enough of my babbling on to the story …_

Home is where the heart is

by Mik Sunrider

Jackson

Year Zero: Spring +5 weeks

"You ready," Joel said looking at the gate down the road. He could see motion on the platform above the main gate. He choose this path, to let them be seen out in the open as they approached the town.

"Okay," Ellie answered quietly, not at ease being so open, so exposed after so long in the shadows, but trust Joel's judgment explicitly.

_ **They came to us from out of the wilderness …**_

Without looking at each other, they both reached out to grab the others hand in reassurance. Each knuckles white as they sought to calm the other and themselves. Hand in hand, they walked towards the gate.

_**… a pair whose story as old as time but as unique as themselves.**_

"Halt, get your hands up, palms facing me!" The male voice screamed as they got closer. They let go of each others and slowly raised their hands. Joel's eyes straight ahead while Ellie's eyes moved back and forth, not in fear but in calculation, assessing the threat before them. "Make any sudden moves and we will shoot!"

Ellie resisted the urge to chuckle, after what they had been through these guys wouldn't be a challenge. Still, even without Joel telling her, she knew pointing that out would just make this harder then it need to be.

"What is your purpose here?" The first voice said.

"I'm here to talk to my brother, Tommy. He is married to Maria," Joel said calmly.

Ellie also resisted the urge to whistle as well, she was glad they weren't going to attack this wall. It was about ten feet tall with metal plates providing not only cover for people on the other side but offered no way to climb them. There was also razor wire on top of the fence as well as a double strand of razor wire outside the wall. The brush and grass didn't exist between the wire wall and the main wall, about five feet in between. There was no cover to take advantage of. In the glittering sunlight, she could see the electric wiring interweave in all the razor wire.

"Wait, I know you," a second voice said. "You were at the power plant last fall … your name is … Joel … and your little girl's name is … Ellie, right."

"Hey," Ellie said giving the unseen voice a small smile and wave.

Joel let out a small snort, only Ellie could act so cute to men with guns pointing at her.

_**Their stories are as unique as they are as well …**_

"Jesus, Steven; he is the guy I told you about. The one who help us take out those bandits last year at the plant." Sam whispered to his boss as the girl gave them a perky smile and wave. Steven snorted, the girl had some serious balls to act like she was walking around the mall and not being covered by 5 armed men. The older man had a backpack, a rifle, shotgun and lead pipe on the outside of the pack, wait was that a flame thrower stick out of the pack? No doubt he had a pistol or two hidden on him. The girl had a bow and a rifle on her shoulder with arrows sticking out of her pack. Lot of weight for someone her size but she wasn't even twitching.

"Yea, Tommy told me about him, told me a lot." Steven raised his voice so the duo could hear him. "Hey you, what is Tommie's little nephew's name and what city did he die in?"

"My daughter's name was Sarah and she died outside of Austin, Texas." His reply was tight and had a angry tone to it, about what Steven expected. There was a small pause, Steven could have sworn he heard the girl muttered, 'asshole', which was something he didn't expect. "Okay Joel, I let Tommy know your here; sit tight." He turned to the other men and bark out orders.

_**One was nearing the end of his journey, his body and soul weathered and cracked from years of surviving the worst of humanity. Where once stood a man who's light shine bright now had a heart as cold as the frozen north and as dark as a moonless night. His eyes has seen the death of all he has known.**_

"Excuse me, miss but I said all of it," the one name Steven said after as the stood around the interior of the main gate.

"What?" Ellis replied with exaggerated bewilderment. Steven didn't look impressed, he looked as if he was fight back a smile actually. Ellie knew no one really couldn't see past her age or her innocent look, and played to that prejudice well. Steven on the other hand, was being difficult about this whole thing, Resistance was not futile in his case. Only Joel's small clearing of the throat did she ended her resistance. Letting out an annoyed breath, she muttered, "Fine."

Steven watched as she laid down a now unloaded 9 mm, a switchblade to the already impressive pile from her backpack. When she finished, he just raised an eyebrow, saying nothing. The kid, rolling her eyes again, pulled out a second blade from her sock. This time he was satisfied.

"Jesus Christ, she got two pipe bombs, several health packs, two full clips, a bottle of gin with a rag stuck inside it, three blades, switchblade, a long bow and 10 arrows, four flint fire starters, 9 mm, Remington 700 and a box of .30-06 ammo … plus clothes!" Alvin said sounding astounded as he looked over the pile. Steven was not so impressed, both of them need to be heavily armed to survive out there for as long as they had.

"Pftt; this is nothing, you should see what he makes me carry when I going out on a date," Ellie said pointing back to Joel who was leaning against the wall.

Steven couldn't help himself, his loud laughter mixed in with the other men at the gate as Joel's only response was to give her a loud sigh and dirty look.

_**The other one was on the cusp of her journey. Her face and body radiating peace, optimism, and wide eye, child like excitement of the world around her. She has never known any other world except the one she was born into but desperately eats up any bits of the past, as if she was eating her last.**_

"Easy Tommy," Maria giggled as the newly refurbished golf cart whipped around the corner. "Killing us won't get us there any sooner."

"He said he might come back this way," Tommy said grinning like cat with a fresh bowl of milk. "I … I didn't really believe him but he is back."

Racing down main street, Maria could see a small crowd of men and women with a tall man and young girl leaning against the wall.

"Ellie is still with him," Maria said softly as they got closer.

"I see that," Tommy's voice said not losing a single note of happiness. "I reckon he has his reasons." He all but bounce out of the cart as it came to a skidding halt to embrace his brother.

Maria followed with a more temper pace, observing the ghost of a smile on Ellie's face, but her emerald eyes were bright and shinny with happiness for her protector as she watch.

"Welcome back Joel," Tommy said coming out of the brotherly embrace. Turning to the girl, he nodded to her as well, "Hello again, Ellie. I'm happy to see again as well."

"Hey," she said in that awkward but endearing teenage way.

"Its good to see you again, Ellie, Joel," Maria said giving Joel a hug as well. "How long are you too planning on stay with us this time?"

"That is what I am hoping to talk to you two about," Joel said, rather nervously actually.

_**Neither of them of them would have chosen to travel with the other but as is found through out human history, God cares not for what mere mortals desire. Fate threw them together, chance made them friends … circumstances made them survive.**_

"Here, you can keep these," Ellie said handing over the two pipe bombs. The man named Steven nodded in appreciation but lost his smile as she added with a grin. "I can make more later."

"Hold up a second. Maria," a man called out from a tent near by. The same man who took the blood samples. Ellie let out annoyed breath but Maria just patted her on the back. "We have an … issue … I need to discuss with you."

"Is Joel clean," Maria ask while helping Ellie put on her backpack, while wisely not offering to take any of her weapons off of her. She remember what she was like as a teenager, always trying to prove to others that she can handle anything.

"Yes," he answer quickly, "but ..."

"We know about Ellie," she said quickly while laying a hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "She had the same condition when they came thru last fall."

"She is immune," Tommy said from behind her, as the crowd of guards around them began to muttered excitedly.

"Steven, let the town know that we will have a town meeting tomorrow night, I will explain everything then." She then look down at Ellie, giving and receiving a bright smile. "Tonight, we are having a small family reunion."

_**Together, the walked to the edge of the Abyss, as so many have before them. At the edge, they didn't cower, they didn't turn away in fear … they didn't even blink. They took a breath and jump in, to full embrace the future.**_

In a modest two story house, the electric lights cast a warm glow as a family of five sit around a table with, by the day's standards, a feast fit for a king.

"And then Joel reaches out and touches it! Actually, touches it! Can you believe it!" An excited 15 year old girl says in between bites of her dinner. "Then he is like, 'come over here, Ellie' and I was a bit nervous, I have never seen one before, and they are so huge. But I reached out anyways and it was so cool! It was so soft and warm and … it was just amazing!"

"That is pretty amazing," the oldest of the five, Kevin the father of Maria, said with a smile as bright as the youngest member of the group.

"Wow, I remember seeing one, oh my what … when I was eight or nine, dad? When we took that trip to Florida, do you remember?"

"Yep, although we weren't allow to touch them. I remember being annoyed with it because the tour truck we were in had to sit for about 10 minutes as the thing kept walking back and forth on the road ahead."

"How could giraffes had lived so long in Salt Lake City?" Tommy ask while taking a sip of his tea. Joel made a face at his baby brother for his choice of drink, Tommy return the favor.

"They are migrating animals, they probably head south during the colder months or something." Kevin mused as he sipped his own drink.

"Yea, but still ..." Tommy said shaking head in amazement.

"It's life, my son; that is life. Nature will do amazing things despite us humans, like our youngest guest here," Kevin waving his hand at Ellie as she eats her fourth helping of mash potatoes. "Mankind for all of our intelligence couldn't do what nature does on its own without our help. It provides a cure for us."

Ellie was unsure of what to make of that statement, so she just concentrated on filling up her stomach.

_**In the abyss …**_

_** He broke her! He stripped her down to her bare essences, reforged her, reshaped her … in the process he gave her some of his strength and his knowledge … to transformer her into a warrior capable of surviving.**_

_** She broke him! She stripped him down to his bare essences, reforged him, reshaped him … in the process she gave him some of her compassion and humanity … to transformer him by reigniting his cold heart.**_

Ellie, wrapped up in a blanket, sleeping soundly on the couch as the other four remain in the dinning room, speaking in hush tones. Joel, holding his head in his hands, eyes red from restrained tears he refused to show.

"Jesus, Joel," Tommy said, ignore the quick look of reproach from Kevin.

"What was I supposed to do Tommy? Let them slice her up? Let them take her ..." Joel is stopped by Maria's hand on his arm.

"Easy Joel, we are on your side."

"She is right Joel, it just … what did they hope to do by killing a little girl?"

"Even if they did somehow make a vaccine, how did they expect to mass produce it or ever get it out to the general population?"

"I don't know, I … I just knew that … I had to do it."

"It was God's will you able to accomplish what you did, Joel." Kevin said softly.

Joel wasn't so sure, he hasn't had much to do with religion, even before Sarah had died, and sneer at any one who brought up after the plague started. But out of respect for the older gentleman, who was 10 years his senior, Joel kept his impulse under control.

"Well, whatever it was; I spent a week making sure we couldn't be track, no one follow us out of the city. I will understand if you don't want us around after what I told you but ..."

"Nonsense Joel," Kevin said with great conviction. "We will not return you to the wilderness. You and Ellie are welcome to stay here as long as you wish." Tommy and Maria glance at each other but both knowing there would be no way her father would change his mind now. "I'm sure that your story is a good starting point, we will explain to the town that yes, she is immune but a practical vaccine is not possible. I am sure that Pastor Ken could help in reminding the people that sometimes God's will doesn't always run on our timetable. And it will be an easier sell here then most other places; it has been a year or more since the last infected was spotted around here. Except for an occasional bandit raid, which we haven't had since your last trip here, and small groups of stragglers from QZ;we might as well be all alone in the world."

_**Together, they emerged from the void stronger then either of them could have imagine. They were a family, they were a team, complementing each other, their strengths and weakness inverse. Their obstacles were many, their enemies numerous; their victories unmatched. It was not the strength of their bodies that won the day, or the quickness of their wit; but the love in their hearts. The love of each other that saved them again and again.**_

"I know you are not a religious man Joel, and that is okay. I don't require or even request that you believe in our Father. However, I do believe that it was His Hand that guild you." Kevin let out a tired sigh, "Faith is such a terrible burden sometimes; to see all you love be turned to ash before your eyes and still trust that God has a plan. But it is also a source of great strength, because you know that in the end, it will all make sense."

_**It was the love in their hearts that allowed them to prospered … the blood in their veins … the sweat from their brows … that gave life to their greatest contribution to this sad, empty world. Together; they gave birth to Hope. It was their sacrifice that allow Hope to spread out to the world.**_

"What kind of world is worth saving anyways if it requires you kill a child like Ellie? Uh? Obviously, you know that answer to that Joel. And that is why you succeeded, despite all the odds; you succeed. Because deep down you know what the Civilian government was ignorant of, what the Military refused to acknowledge, what the Fireflies failed to remember. It isn't about sacrificing the many to save the few. You can not save the world if it cost you everything that makes it worthy to live in. Do unto others that you would have them do to you, Joel, do unto others."

_**Their story, as old as humanity, as special as a new sunrise; they came into our world and we **__**were better for it.**_

Joel leaned over Ellie, pulling the blanket over her shoulders, before sitting down on the floor next to her head. In the moonlight pouring in from the front window, he could see her reddish brown hair flowing down across her shoulders. Lightly, he brushed back a single lock of hair out of her face.

_**They were the worst of us.**_

As he laid back against the couch, his pistol in his lap as was his norm, he felt a small arm fall across his left shoulder. He tilled his head up to see that she was still asleep. She had reached out in her sleep for him, knowing he would be there.

_**They were the best of us.**_

He lightly stroke her hand before laying his head back and closing his eyes. It was late and he was tired but felt so light and joyful. Ellie would be safe now, no matter what come in the future, she would be safe. And what more could he ever hope for?

_**They were The Last of Us.**_


	2. Letting Go part one

Letting go

part I

Year Zero: Summer +2 weeks

"Hello Joel, come on in," Maria said with a smile as I walked into her office at her and Tommy's home. Maria and her father, Kevin, were for all intended purposes, the only function government here in Jackson, Wyoming; and Maria was more or less in charge of the day to day activities of the town. Her father was more like the old time mayors, he had the vision of how the world should be run and she brought that vision to life. Neither of them were tyrannical dictators like in the Zones but neither did they govern under the system that I grew up believing in. "Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"Morning Maria," I nodded politely as I waved off the offered drink. "None for me, thank you but don't let me stop you." The 'tea' wasn't the same thing as it was 20 odd years ago. This was made from a local root, sassafras tree as a matter of fact, and it was just as weak to my taste as the other tea people would drink. Tea has never my drink of choice anyways, coffee always gave me enough kick to get me moving. God, I miss coffee. "I'm kind of surprise you wanted to see me. I figured if you needed me for anything, you would wait until tonight when Ellie and I come over for supper."

"Well, it kind of does have to do with dinner tonight," she said after taking a sip of her tea.

"If you're going to cancel, you could have sent a note," I said with a grin.

"Are you joking? Ellie deserves one night off from feeding your face," Maria joked as we both sat down at her desk. "No, there is something I want to discuss with you first. Speaking of Ellie, how is she been adjusting?"

"She is doing just fine," and that is all she needs to know. Sister-in-law or not, ruler of Jackson or not; what goes on with Ellie is mine and her business alone unless Ellie decides to tell her. The only exception to that was, of course, the Fireflies. I lied to Ellie, and I hope she never finds out that I did, but Maria and Tommy had to be told the truth. Just in case, they ever found us. In case, anyone decided they want to try to kill Ellie again.

"Is she keeping herself busy?"

"Yes," I answered a bit more guarded this time. I don't know why but I am starting to get the feeling I am not going to like where Maria is going with this here meeting. "She is helping me fix up the house, decorating her room; plus finding herself new books to read and practicing her archery skills."

Jackson is a tourist town; back when thing were not completely shitty, people would come from around the country to see the Yellowstone park and all its geysers. There were cabins, hunting lodges, motels, camping grounds for those who drove big motor homes and pretended to be ruffing it. The stores and ranches around the area were geared towards providing the tourist with things to 'enhance' their wilderness experience, not to provide an easily bored, mischievous, fifteen year old little girl material to decorate her room. Yet, somehow, Ellie had found some posters of singers and movie from day long gone to grace the walls of her room and books to line her modest bookshelves. She also found bits of artwork, mostly from the motels in the area, to give the house some life.

The more I am around Ellie then more proud I am to have her around.

"Wait, she wasn't caught in the restricted part of town again, was she?" That would explain why I was here now instead of waiting for dinner.

"No," Maria snorted. "She is not in trouble Joel, if that is what you are worried about. Although, I'd love to know exactly how she gets past the electric fence." Maria then gave me a fishy stare, "you taught her too well how to be sneaky and how to avoid answering direct questions."

"Sneaky part I'll take credit for. She needed to learn it to survive but the avoiding direct answers to adults' questions? Na, I think that is something all teenage girls just seem to know how to do."

"I'm sure my dad would agree with you," Maria smiled at some memory of hers own. "She did seem particularly proud of your little armory when I talk to her last."

"She put in a lot of work in there," I shrugged my shoulders. Ellie had assembled a work bench we use to clean, repair and build the weapons and tools we use to protect ourselves. Even though it annoys me to no end that Ellie was just as good at building bombs as I was, I just couldn't bring myself to stop her.

There are somethings little girls should not have to know.

Together, we build some gun racks for the few pistols, shotguns and hunting rifles we acquired in our travels. We also had a rack to hold lead pipes and steel bats with various size shivs attached to them.

Sometimes, you need to bring a knife to a gun fight, especially when you don't have much ammo to waste.

An old filing cabinet served as a storage unit for our limited ammunition. I also re-enforced the window but did it in a way that made it look like any other window found in an ordinary home. The dead bolt and lock on the door was just for show as well, there was a switch on the top of the door frame that we both can reach that released the door for us to enter. I kept the flamethrower in the room as well but stored the jell-gas charges with the bombs and alcohol bottles out in the garage.

At least, Ellie is willing to go along with my restrictions about her using the flamethrower. Personally, I think it has more to do with her distaste for setting people on fire then any other reason. To protect herself, to protect me; she will burn people and Infected … she has burned others to protect me. The look of disgust and horror on her face never went away no matter how many times she had to do it; no matter how many times she watched me do the same. Which is fine with me, I have damaged her enough, destroyed too much of her humanity, as is; it would kill me if she lost it all.

"Yea, she is quite proud of it," Maria chuckled, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I'm surprise you haven't put in a shooting range in your basement yet." I've learned over the years when dealing with people in authority, whether they be military or your sister-in-law, sometimes silence is the best answer. I'm just waiting to see if the range they were rebuilding in the county jail house was both safe enough and muffed enough noise to be used in our basement. We live pretty damn close to the fence line, I don't want to attract any unwelcome attention, from either side of the line. "Although, given how well she did in that archery competition we had couple days ago, you don't have to worry about her wasting ammo."

"She was damn proud how well she did," I said with a touch of pride. Ellie had told me she was good with a bow at the start of our cross country journey. At the time, I figure it was just teenager talk, pretending to be good at something to seem more important then they really were. My hand slipped to my side, I could still feel the scar that will be visible to the day I die. During those months that she care for me, she proved beyond any doubt, that it was no teenage talk. She is as deadly with that bow as anyone else I have ever seen, she could take down a deer at a hundred feet by putting one in its eye. She could pick off an Infected running full speed at me. Then I let some of my irritation show through my words, "Of course, nothing made her prouder or happier then it was to spend time around kids near to her own age."

"Joel," Maria wasted no time snapping back, "we have been over this before … this case is a special one and we all had to make some adjustments ..."

"Ellie is not a 'special case', Maria. Ellie is a lonely, little girl, who is forced to spend most of her time around a old man who is old enough to be grandfather because of these 'adjustments' ..."

"Adjustments that are best for everyone Joel ..."

"It killing her, Maria. She claims that she is happy she isn't in school but I know she is lying! After everything she has been through," after everything I put her through I added silently to myself, "she deserves a chance of having a normal life."

"A normal life? Ellie?" Maria let out a small, bitter, chuckle. "We like to dream here Joel, but let's not get delusional. Forget about Ellie's 'special circumstances' ..."

"Her infection," I snapped, trying hard not to lose my temper. Ellie is safe here in Jackson, I am not going to get us kick out over this. If Ellie ever came to me and decide on her own that she had no home here then we will move on. But it had to be her choice, not one made for her by something I might have done.

"Let's forget about Ellie's infection for a moment," Maria added without much hesitation. She raised her left hand while using her right to tick off her points. "She traveled with you across this rotting husk of a country facing horrors that would leave many people weeping in a corner and begging for a bullet. Most of the children we have had to travel less then 500 miles in larger groups to get here, usually without seeing so much as a wolf let alone Infected. Ellie has not only seen every kind of Infected known but she has successfully fought them off. Not to mention bandits, sick freaks who practice cannibalism; Joel, Ellie has a higher kill rate then three quarters of the men in this town. She scares half of the town ..."

"Give me a break," I snapped.

"It's true Joel ..."

"She just a little girl, damn it Maria ..."

"No, Joel. You see her as a little girl! My dad, Tommy and I see her as a blossoming, young teenage girl with cute freckles. A red head, pony tail wearing, perpetual motion machine disguised as young woman that can still express such joy and wonderment about the world around her, even after everything she has suffered thru. Others in this town, Joel … seriously, the other in this town see Xena the warrior princess walking around main street!" Maria put her palm against her head as she looked down and slowly shake it, as she added. "Don't get me started on that gutter mouth of hers."

"Okay, so is that any reason to leave her out," I wasn't even going to try to defend Ellie's more choice ways of expressing herself. I know a losing cause when I see one.

"If it wasn't for her infection, no." Maria said quietly but firmly while looking me straight in the eye. "But Joel, put yourself in the parents' shoes for a minute. Imagine if Ellie wasn't the one we were talking about. What if you didn't know if she was immune? Would you really risk your future on a what if?"

"I can't be objective about this," I said softly. If it wasn't Ellie they were talking about … if it was Sarah instead who was clean and Ellie want to be her friend … I knew the answer. I knew in my heart how I would react and I hated myself for it.

"I would be more worried about Ellie if you could be," Maria said, softening her tone as well. "Look, you guys have only been here three months; despite her shortcomings, and her colorful use of the English language, most of the town really like the kid. She has a certain charm to her that makes it hard not to like her."

On that point I could only nod, she did have a way about her, no doubt about that. I tried earnestly to keep my 'cargo' at arm's length at the beginning but the harder I tried, the more miserably I failed. In twenty odd years since I lost Sarah, no one has so completely decimated the barriers around my heart as Ellie.

"There is another thing you need to know, Joel." She stopped as if to bracer herself from a coming summer storm. I was right, I am not going to like where this little talk was going to lead too. "First, I need you to understand that I really like Ellie, so does Tommy and my dad; she is much family to us as you are. I want her to have a normal life as well, I want all the children in my town to have what I never got, a chance to grow old without worrying that their families or themselves could die at any moment. In that sense, thanks to you, she has a chance, it's small but it's there, of living without fear. But normal, no sorry, that chance is long gone. That chance died before you arrived ..."

"Don't maker her suffer for my mistakes," I said cutting her off.

"Joel, that chance died before you even met her." Where I was getting hot and angry, she was getting cold and calm. "Any hope Ellie had at a happy, normal, life died the day she survive that runner's attack. And there is nothing that you or I or anyone else can do to change the fact that God or Fate or whatever you want to call it; gave her a bum rap. But that how life is you know, you never get to have door 'A' and door 'B'. You can have one or the other, no matter which one you chose one the other is closed for ever after."

"I don't believe that, Maria. I've seen what your dad, you and Tommy are building here; I know in my heart that this is the best place for her. That is why I brought her here! It is here in Jackson, she can have a have it all; happy and normal! She could if you would just let her!"

"I agree," Maria said just as calmly and collectively as before. "Bring her back to Jackson was your best option. Not to sound like I'm toting my own horn, but we've built something pretty special here. But I need you to understand something important Joel," she continued as I got up from my seat and began pacing the small office. There must be someway to give Ellie everything she wanted … what she deserved. "What you want for Ellie, what we all would love to give her is not possible ..."

"What if I leave her here and I go away?" Did I sound desperate? Possibly, but I was desperate.

"Damn it Joel, you pig headed idiot," now Maria stood up and let her anger out. "Don't you dare try anything like that! Don't you dare destroy that girl like that, again! What do you think Ellie would do? Do you think she will just say, 'Gosh, Joel knows what is best for me, I'll just stay here without him.' and that will be it? For the love of God, Joel; neither of us can get her to stop crossing to the outside when she gets bored. Imagine what she can do when she is really motivated. We both know if you sneak out of here, she will hunt you down. She will follow you to the ends of the world, if needed, to be with you." Maria pinned me with her most intimated stare as she went on, "or to strangle your fool neck for leaving her, it's even money right now which way she would go. And if she doesn't kick your ass for hurting her, I will for hurting her and your brother as well."

"I can talk to her, make her understand ..." I said while she just lower her head, shaking it slowly.

"You don't get it Joel. You see yourself as this evil, irredeemable, corrupting force that is slowly poisoning her soul ..."

"Are you so sure I am not," I whispered out.

"Whether you think you are or not, what anyone else thinks, doesn't matter Joel. Because to her, you are this knight in shinning armor, who can do no wrong, who will always be there for her."

"She knows better then that, she knows I am no hero; not after the things I have done, not after the thing she has seen me do to survive."

"Intellectually, logically; I would say you are right. If you are just talking about the brain; the heart, on the other hand, doesn't use logic. The heart tells her how much you care for her, how much you love her. And it tells her how much you need her as well. Remember that old saying, 'love is blind'? It's true, you know, her love for you blinds her to some of the worst acts you do because she know the real Joel is in there somewhere wishing he didn't have to kill." I had no response as I turned away and leaned my forearm against the window sill, staring out across the valley that the town was located in. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Joel." She continued as she walked over to the window. "It's not fear that drove a fourteen year old girl to nurse you back from the brink of death, that was love; pure and simple. That love you have for her, the one which drives you to obliterate any one who dares to harm her, that love is in her veins too. She would do anything for you, do anything to make you smile, to make you happy. She will also do anything to save you Joel, destroy anyone who dares harm you; and may God have mercy on anyone's soul if they ever killed you. Because as sure as I am that the sun will raise in the morning, I know that she will not show any mercy to them. You know this, Joel, even if you refuse to admit to anyone else but yourself; you can see it in her. Tommy and I know it true, because we can see it in her green eyes every time she looks at you. The whole town knows it as well," she let out another small, bitter, chuckle. "Which is why she scares the hell out of them."

"Maybe," I mumble out after a long pause. Sighing while still looking out the window I added, "I just want what is best for her, to make her happy. I would do anything to make her smile, to keep her safe."

"I know," Maria answer just as quietly while laying a hand on my arm. We both stood there for a while, lost in our thought when she cleared her throat and continued on. "There is something else I need to tell you Joel. Something that you are not going to like but you have to trust me, okay. And if you don't trust me then trust Tommy because he agrees with me." I start to stiffen up, as automatic as breathing I slip into my 'protect Ellie' mode. I can feel her own hand tighten on my arm in response. "I need you to relax Joel and listen to what I have to say. Don't just hear what I am saying but really listen."

"Just get on with it Maria," I growled out.

"Joel, most of the town like her, as I have said she has a certain charm to her. But in every group there are exceptions to the rule."

"Is someone planning on hurting her," I said while twisting out of her grip.

"Don't be stupid Joel, if she scares half the town, you make the everyone here piss their pants. They know who taught her."

"Then what is going on?"

"A certain person has been trying to put a flea in people ears, about turning her over to one of the QZ, so they can use her to find a cure."

"Who!"

"It's none of your concern ..."

"Like hell it ain't!"

"We have it under control Joel."

"Bullshit!"

"Steven has been watching this individual since he found out about it."

I stopped raging for a moment. Steven was my first suspect, since he had been a member of the military ever since the Civilian arm of the government collapsed fifteen years ago. He and his wife, Dana, whom had been a member as well, defected from the Denver QZ shortly before it collapsed. Steven has been in charge of town security for about two years now, and is my boss when I do guard duty. Him and I didn't have much use for each other, probably never will, but if he is keeping an eye out for Ellie, I might be able to have a good word to say about him.

"He doesn't particularity like you but adores Ellie, especially since she spend so much time down by the wire. If that certain person tries to do anything to contact any of the QZ in this part of the country, he has my full support to 'discourage' any further action on that person's part."

"Okay," I was cooling down a bit, but now I had a new worry. I didn't reckon on having to protect her from anyone in town itself. Must be getting old, slipping.

"Speaking of Steven," Maria said while sitting on the edge of the front of her desk, arms fold over her chest. "Dana and him were both impress with her archery but he told me he got the impression that she was purposely holding back." She stared at me, as if waiting for me to answer. I just stare back, not wanting to give one. "Well, Joel, do you believe that she was or wasn't holding back?"

"I didn't ask her."

"Tommy warned me talking to you would be difficult," she mumble to herself while shaking her head. "I didn't ask you if you asked her, I want to know if you think she did?"

"Have you ever seen anyone kill a duck with a bow," I ask after a lengthy pause while remembering once particular sobering moment. When she was nodding, I added the punch line, "While it was in flight?"

"No shit," she said all slack jaw and disbelieve written over her face.

"If I hadn't seen it myself, I wouldn't believe it either; not from a fourteen year old girl or boy for that matter. Takes years of practice to get that good. She is a natural. So did she purposely hold back, my guess is she did. Most likely, to avoid alienating herself further from the others her age."

"How … how far was the duck?"

"I don't remember exactly," I said while setting aside the question of who might betray Ellie. "We were somewhere near the Iowa and Nebraska border." I remember the day clearly now, I remember them flying low, across our nose from right to left. I was fingering my shotgun, thinking they were just … just … to far for a decent shot. "Ellie was carrying the bow that day, to give me a bit of a break. They were flying in front of us, didn't think I had a chance." I remember catching Ellie out of the corner of my eye, pulling back on the bow. I was about to snap at her, telling not to waste the time or the arrow. When she let it go, "Her track was perfect. She took out the second duck in the forward formation." I don't know who was more speechless, her or me. Her from excitement of making a shot and getting to prove to me she was useful or me from sheer shock. "It took about 5 minutes to find the duck, the arrow had snapped on impact but dang it if we didn't eat good that night." I let a smile cross my face for a moment as I added, "and she wouldn't shut up about it for a couple days either."

"She never told me about that," Maria said smiling as well.

"Ellie isn't much on bragging," I said truthfully. "Even when she has every right too." Maria nodded and shaking her head in amazement. I took a breath and brought us both back to reality. "So why is Steven not helping this 'unnamed' person? You would think he be all for them finding a cure?"

"His assessment of what the Military would do to Ellie isn't much different then the Fireflies tried to do And no, before you start barking; he doesn't know about Salt Lake. Only Tommy and I know and it is going to stay that way." She replied tiredly, "That doesn't change much through, eventually; if thing don't change around here, that person of interest will get people wondering if keeping Ellie here is the best option. You plant enough seeds and eventually you will bear fruit; or at least that what the farmers tell me, anyways."


	3. Letting Go part two

Letting go

part II

"Joel, I might have an idea how we can nip this problem in the butt now before it gets worst. It will also give Ellie more of a stake in the future of this town. As well as give the people of this town a better reason to have her around." Maria took a long breath, letting it out slowly. "In order for this to work, I need your help the most of all."

"Just get to the point, Maria." I let out a sigh as well, I hate this long, round and about manner she was taking.

"I'm getting there Joel but I needed to lay out the problem for you as it is, not as we wish it would be, Okay."

"Fine," I snapped.

"First and most importantly, Ellie can be happy here, thanks to you, she has a shot at living a healthy, happy, long life. However, she is not nor will she ever be 'normal' as the other children in Jackson."

"Damn it Maria ..."

"Work with me Joel, for the sake of argument, would you agree she is beyond the others in her age group?"

"Maybe," it killed me to say even that much.

"And she has skills that surpass men and women twice her age ..."

"No!" I knew where she was going now, and there is no way I will agree to doing this to Ellie. "Don't you dare suggest what I think you ..."

"Joel, we need her skills on the fence line ..."

"No damn it! I brought her here to get her out of ..."

"We need more hunters, more people to go to other towns to scavenge more supplies ..."

"Haven't I done enough damage to her!" I screamed out.

"Joel, we need her as much as we need you." Maria whispered out after studying me for a minute or two. "I'm sorry but it is just the way things are, we can't have her in school. We can't have her running around all day without some purpose. You know as well as I do why she keeps sneaking out, she want to feel as if she was contributing to something. Tell me Joel, how much stuff does she bring back is more useful to you then her? Half? Three quarters? All of it?"

"She brings stuff for others in town, mostly;" this was the worst conversation I have had since … well … since Tess agree to the job. It was like being in quicksand, the more I fought against it the further I was getting sucked in.

"I know how much she means to you," Maria said in a warmer, softer tone. "I don't want anything bad to happen to her or have her do anything she would hate, like I have said she is family too. However, she is a natural at archery, you taught her how to find useful gear and she is bright kid with her head screw on tight. I am actually less concern about her being on the line then the other kids that would be join her in a year or two. I know that she can handle anything life throws at her … and because she has you to be there for her." Maria goes around behind her desk, returns to her seat and stares at some pictures on her desk. After a long moment, she sighs again, "I've talk to Steven. I laid out the ground rules for her, rules that only you and I, together, can overrule. She will not be allow at the main gate, day or night, or at the power plant even with you there. On days you are assigned to the power plant, she will be off duty."

I sat back down in the chair in front of the desk, shoulders slumped in defeat, listing to her talk. I just … just wanted her to be safe from the horrors of the world. And the fucking world just wouldn't let her be.

"When she is on the line, she is to be posted either near your work location during the day or near your house at night. When she leaves the wire, to go hunting or a salvage run; you and her will be assigned together."

I savagely nodded at those points, that was a given whether they like it or not.

"Steven is not happy about it, he likes to keep family apart in case things go bad. I know better, if things go bad, you two together have a better chance of surviving. Plus, I know damn well that neither of you would allow it anyways. Either you would follow her or she would you." Now she let a smile race across her face. "In your macho, 'I am male fear me' mentality,you keep forgetting that Ellie is just as worried about you as you are of her. Tell me Joel, how time during the night, when you are on patrol, do you see a light on in your house?"

I crossed my arms, looking around the room, not willing to answer. Shit, by that smile on her face my non-answer was answer enough for her.

"Yea, that is what I thought. Joel, even though you don't believe it, you are a good man. You are so concern with keeping Ellie safe and happy, you totally miss the fact that she is trying to do the same for you." She held up both of her hands and made a hushing noise, "no, don't say it. I know it is your job as you see it. You are the adult, that is your responsibility. Still, she is going to be adult soon as well as we use to reckon it, and taking care of you is something that she sees as her responsibility. You might as well get use to it now. Baby steps, you know." Maria gave me a smile full of memories, "my dad never really got use to me being an adult. Hell, I was just 15 when the world ended and he still acts like I am five some days."

"Speaking of your dad," I asked causally, "how does he like this little plan of your?"

If looks could kill, I would be on fire right now.

"To be honest," she said thru gritted teeth. "If there is anyone in town who hates the idea more then you do, it would be him."

"Yet ..."

"I said he hates it as much as you do but he also sees the positives of this plan. He knows in the long run, it is better for everyone. Still, he did add one condition."

"Which is ..." I held my breath, maybe there was a way out of this.

"My dad is very old school, Joel." She said after a pause, choosing her words carefully. "He was a Republican back when it meant something; hell, he use to listen to that one guy, Flush or Bush or something, I forget his name, on the radio everyday. He is big on personal responsibility, which is one reason he would like to see Ellie assume more of a role in town. He feels that she could be a great role model for those younger then her, and for those around her age as well. However, he is also very clear on the limits of my power, he will not allow me to force this decision on you or her. Especially you; since for all intent and purpose, you are her parental figure. If you say no, I can not over rule you."

"I see," and I did. If I said no here and now, she would have to wait until Ellie was eighteen before she could assign her any guard duty or let her leave the town. I could shield her for a bit longer but … sooner or later, the day would come when I would be helpless to stop her from leaving.

On the other hand …

On the other hand, I hate myself for thinking this but … this is Ellie's decision not mine. Ellie is … she is not Sarah. Ellie is a fighter, with skills and mind set that made it possible to survive in this world. As much as I would love to shield her from the horrors …

Sarah was a product of her time. She was a joyful, happy child who wouldn't know how or want to know how to build a pipe bomb. Sarah played soccer, hung out with her friends at the mall, dragged me to see stupid, sappy movies; she dreamed of her first kiss, her prom, going to college … her wedding day. Ellie is a joyful, happy child who enjoyed life as much as Sarah had but Ellie would rip out your throat if the need arose. Ellie dreams were a bit different as well, finding enough to eat, surviving to see another day … to be loved and to love.

Ellie not only had the skills to do the job … but more importantly … the maturity as well. Of all the differences between Sarah and Ellie, maturity was the most glaring. Ellie had to grow up way too soon.

"Now you know why I wanted to talk to you before dinner tonight," Maria said quietly.

"I … I have to give this some thought," I answered honestly.

"I understand," she smiled and glanced at the clock on her wall. "It's only 3:30, dinner will be at 7:00 sharp; why don't you take the rest of the day off. I'll let your boss know, so you won't get docked."

"Thanks Maria, we'll see you at 7:00 then."

I took the long route back to our house … our house … not my house but … shit. I hate this shit.

The whole reason I return to Jackson was to give Ellie a place where she could be safe, if I want her to be in consent danger I could've headed back to Boston. Of course …

It isn't like Ellie couldn't handle herself in a fight, she could and then some. Even before I allowed her to carry a gun way back in Pittsburgh, she would help me out in fights by throwing bricks, or bottles at the enemy to distract them. Sometimes … sometimes she even used her switchblade on the Hunters. Ellie always tried to help me when I got into jams … just like … a good partner should. Even when I rather her stay as far back as possible, sometimes even despite my wishes.

On the way home, my thoughts got interrupted by the school being let out. I glance at the gaggle of thirty children walking away from the home they refurbished to serve as the school. The little ones screamed and chased each other around as they head back to their families. The older ones, who had chores around the compound, walked slower but no less animated in their movements. The ones who were around Ellie's age had jobs at either the greenhouse or down at the cattle ranch, both located within the fence line. Of course, … Ellie wasn't allow to work there because of her … 'condition' … so … so she was still isolated from others her age no matter how you look at it.

Working at the line would at least give her the opportunity to meet others, older people but still it would be better then hanging around the house all day, with nothing to do … nothing to … live for.

When I got home, I could hear Ellie down in the basement, punching the large bag we had hanging down there. Letting out a sigh, I head down stairs, walking down the wooden stairs as quietly as I could. There she was, clad in a pair of shorts and muscle shirt, which is surprising considering how much she hates showing off her arms, pounding away at the bag and kicking it with her bare feet.

Ellie's generation, their bodies didn't mature as young as the girls did back in the day, probably due to the lack of food and harsher life style. I know Ellie hasn't grown more then a inch or so since I met her a year ago, the trip across the country definitely stunned her grow. But as I stood there watching her, I could see her muscles flexing and relaxing under the strain. She was very fit and stronger then the other girls her age here in town. I wouldn't be surprise she is actually strong then many of the girls her age back in the day. It made me sad knowing that no matter how much pride she had in her accomplishments, how tone and fit she became, it was all because it made her survivability more assured.

"So you just going to stand there without saying hi?" Ellie said without taking her eyes off her bag.

"You heard me?'

"Pftt, you are nosier then a bull in a chine shop." She gave me a quick smile as she finished up her routine.

"Like you know what a chine shop is," I said sitting down on the steps. "Anyways, it is 'like a bull in a china shop', which means you are clumsy. Nothing to do with being quiet."

"Whatever," she stuck her tongue out at me as she unwrapped the rags around her hands, and walking over towards me, "you're home early? Whats up?"

"I had a small chat with Maria about you ..."

"It wasn't my fault," Ellie snapped off quickly, more in a guilty 'hand caught in a cookie jar' tone then anything else. I didn't say anything, just giving her that look as she nervously played with the rags in her hands. I knew she won't last long, "Look; Brett, Charlie and Todd were already going over to that sporting good store, the one with half of the roof caved in."

"Outside the fence," I sighed, already knowing I wasn't going to be happy at the end of this story. "The one with the basement full of spores." The basement was partially blocked off by the cave in, barely enough room for her small frame to squeeze through. I also know that those three jokers sure as hell could have never made down there … even if they did, I was the only one in town with a gas mask and the only one who could make it down there safely … well not the only one. "And they suggest that you might be able to get down stairs ..."

"Maybe," she was shifted back and forth on her bare feet looking around at anything but me. "I mean, it been a while since anyone has been down there so we might have found some really good shit, you know."

"Ellie," I sighed, I swear she is going to give me a heart attack one of these days. "Infected?"

"Only one," she answered quickly, leaning against the railing. "And he … or she … hard to tell … it has been there a long, long time, barely human looking at all. Bad news, it sitting right on this big steel door, like a safe door only taller then you. It also had three dials on it, like a combination lock and a handle, I couldn't budge it."

"Hmm, sounds like the previous owner had a vault down there, probably where he kept his extra inventory plus weapons he didn't exactly want just anyone to know he had." I rubbed my chin as I had visions of cases of ammo dancing in my head. "You think it can be burned out?"

"Maybe," she said carefully, and with some hesitation. "It's been there awhile, the grow is pretty large but the ceiling over it still looks stable. Still, I think it might better to go thru the floor then trying to clear out the stairs. Remember what happened in Anita, Iowa; and how big the fire got? Or I should say, how fast it moved?"

"Hmm, you might be right. Those places can be tinder boxes just waiting to explode with years of dust building up. Anyways, a find like that will probably attract the whole town, so we will have to wait and see what the others have planned."

"So how does one break in to a vault anyways?"

"I'm … not sure, actually. Never try to do, never really ever found one that was still sealed. We might get lucky, the owner might have the combo written down somewhere else, maybe in hidden in the basement near the vault." Then it hit me … I am talking about breaking into a safe with a fifteen year old girl!

Shess, I was as bad as everyone else! I been trying to get everyone to see her as I wanted to see her, a little girl who need to be protected and … and … without thinking about, I was treating her as an adult … just like Maria wanted too. Just like Ellie deserves. Maybe … shit … maybe it was time I changed how I looked at all of this.

"Helloooooo," I refocus my attention to find Ellie standing inches away from my face, waving her hand in fount of my nose. "You in there, or have you finally gone senile?"

"Sorry, guess I was lost in my thoughts."

"Ah, unfamiliar territory, I get it." She ignore my glare and with exasperated sigh said, "I said there was a lot of boxes down there, full of papers. But it was mostly … whatchamacallit … receipts? Peoples' names, addresses and phone numbers as well as the kind of purchases they made, but I didn't spend a lot of time looking thru them all."

"Makes sense; gun shop owners had to keep a lot of records and store them for long time to keep themselves out of trouble with the government."

"Pftt," Ellie rolled her eyes.

Death, destruction, whole cities destroyed in matter of days, the fall of the United States of America … of course, the only thing to survive all that was government bureaucracy and cockroaches.

"Still, those records might help us now, could narrow down which homes are worth looking thru for ammo," I said nodding slowly. "Did you find anything of real value?"

"A few boxes of 9 mm, .357, shotgun shells as well as ammo that might fit the rifles." She said grinning like a Chester cat.

"And of course, you follow the law about finding ammo," I ask, knowing the answer as soon as I saw that smile.

"Of course, Joel." Right, trust that smile at your own risk.

Maria doesn't want to discourage people scavenging on their own, you can keep what you find or trade it in at the main trading post. The more you trade with at the trading post, the better deals you get when you want to exchange for goods you need. It wasn't exactly the Best Mart, but it wasn't also a commune either, you had to have something to trade with that is of value to receive something of value. There were, of course, exceptions; such items as ammo, salt, pepper and any kind of explosives had to be reported. They wouldn't take it all but they did need to for the community defense and welfare.

"Show me what you got," she then proceed to pull me up the stairs to our armory, her eyes as bright and excited as a child on Christmas morning.

Its moments like this that really make the decision harder. She has such … free spirit and enjoyment of life. I guess … it is that part of her I want to protect the most.

"Okay, let me show you these first. You know, those three being almost thirty; they aren't that smart," she said pulling out a box from the bottom of the workbench. The box was pretty mess up, as if it had been in a basement for twenty years, which it had. "Just because it isn't on the mandatory list, doesn't mean it isn't a great find." She open the box …

"Nice find," I said letting out a whistle.

Inside the box, still wrapped in plastic was 6 packs of six, gold tip hunting arrow, each about thirty-six inches long; completely intact.

"Yea, tell me about it," she said with a big smile. "They said I could have all the arrows I wanted, even said it front of Abby at the trading post, so there are six more box like this still down there."

"Well, that should keep you well stock for a long time."

"True," she nodded as she put the box back under the table. "But, I was hoping you would, you know, advise me on something. I was wondering if I should trade a box now or wait till later?"

"Playing the market are we," I smiled, on the inside as much as on the outside. Here, we were talking about things as two adults and still she want my advice.

"Well, we still can never find enough ammo for everything we need. You think others would be smart and switch to a bow, for hunting if nothing else. Arrows can be retrieved; as far as I know, we still can't do the same for bullets."

"Mean smart like you," I jibe, watching her fair skin redden with a blush. Redheads, so easy to embarrass. "But yea; so far, we still can't make reloads .. yet. Something to do with making the right kind of powder. I'm no egghead, so I am not sure what the problem is, but as far as the arrows." I click my teeth in thought, "I would say hold on to everything you find. If we start seeing more people switching over, then dump a box or two."

"Okay; now for you … I might have … um … miscounted those boxes when I gave them to those guys." She pulled open the file cabinet and laid down some boxes in the same shape as the arrows. "I might have found an extra box of 9 mm, as well as half box of .357, about a dozen shotgun shells and two 5 round clips for the rifle." She looked up at me, with hesitation in her eyes.

"Well, now" I said slowly picking up the box of 9mm ammo.

"Don't start," Ellie said with a sigh. "Look, those three couldn't hit the broad side of a mountain, so this ammo would be a complete waste on them. You know I am right, Pftt, seriously I'm surprise Charlie can find his way around the fence line at night."

I wasn't really listening to her justify her 'miscount', instead I was remembering what Maria said earlier to me. How Ellie was as worried about me as I was her … how she saw it as her responsibility to help keep me safe. And this is Ellie way of making sure I was safe, by having the tools to survive, to come home to her.

My hand slip to my watch that my baby girl gave me a lifetime ago, Sarah gave me this watch because she wanted to make me happy. Just as any child want to make her daddy happy, and there was no harm in it, it was how she let me know she loved me. Ellie was doing the same thing here as well, but as an adult would; to let me know that she loved me as well.

"Joel!"

I jerked out of my thoughts to see Ellie staring at me in concern.

"Seriously Joel, are you alright, you are kind of zoning out again."

"Sorry, lost in thought again," I said with a smile. "but Ellie, you shouldn't cheat your business partners like that, makes it hard to work with them in the future." She slowly nodded, taking my advice to heart. "How do you guys file the claim with Abby?"

"We got a third and they are splitting the rest between them."

"We?" I ask genuine surprise.

"Yes, 'we';" she said as if talking to an idiot while slapping me on the shoulder. "We are a team after all, partners to the end; to the edge of the galaxy and beyond! We split everything down the middle … well except the laundry … any time you want to do it all, I might let you."

"In your dreams," I snicker. "Okay, we will slip them something extra in the final count, and do it in a way that they will think that they pulled one over us."

"Oh, we can give them a shinny ball," she said nodding slowly, while standing tall and grinning from ear to ear. "I think they would like that."

"You are incorrigible," I said rubbing her hair. I looked outside, it was getting late. "Tell you what, go get a shower and we will head over to Tommy's for dinner, okay?"

"Roger Dodger," she yelled out as she bounced out of our armory, then back in almost as quickly. "Wait, what did Maria want with you earlier anyways?"

"Oh that," I said putting away all the ammo except the 9mm. "She just want to know what I though about a job offer she has for you."

"Really," Ellie said, her voice a mixture of curiosity and uneasiness. "what job offer?"

"Well, I'll let her tell you at dinner," I smile as I reloaded one of my empty clips. "I don't want to ruin her surprise." I stop loading and looked over at my baby girl; Ellie never replaced Sarah and never could. She just taught me that there was enough room in this old heart for her as well. And sometimes … sometimes I can't help but see Ellie as not only a daughter but as an equal partners as well. I not going to fool myself, this is going to be hell on my nerves. I will always worry about her when she was on the line, but I have some comfort knowing that the others will look out for her, that I will always be close to help her. More importantly, I can trust Ellie enough to know she will take care of herself long enough for me to get there … that I can trust her enough to let her go. "Ellie, I'm damn proud of you. I just want you to know that and … and that you earn this job offering."

"Thanks Joel," she whisper to me with a smile as bright as the sun.

"Now scoot, go get your shower."

"Roger Dodger!"

"And leave me some damn hot water this time," I yelled to her retreating back.

"Ptff, You wish!"


	4. Rich beyond your wildest dreams

Rich beyond your wildest dreams

Jackson

Summer + 6 weeks

Fucking weird-o, why would you have one shelve out of all the shelves in your basement set up like this. Back in the far corner there was a metal five shelve high storage unit with barely anything on it. Every other set of shelves down here is overflowing with boxes and junk, this one had 5 empty boxes on top shelve, next one empty then 47 small alphabetical wooden blocks, like the kind kids play with, another empty shelve then 19 empty jars on the bottom. Like I said weird.

"If this guy had spent as much on up keep of this building as he did on that vault, the damn floor would still be intact," Tabby's the muffled voice drift in and out of my hearing range as she swung her flashlight at the ceiling. Tabby, who was in her mid thirties, worked on the same crew as Joel did, refurbishing and rebuilding homes and stores here in Jackson that were repairable. Or tear down any that were beyond hope. They do more of the former then the latter, so she had a lot of experience when inspecting these old places.

Jackson wasn't like a lot of towns and cities Joel and I passed through on our way to find the Fireflies, here the looting and destruction was more … contained, I guess you could say. Whoever had lived in this little town before the world took a huge shit, had left before the Infection had a chance to spread very far around here. Jackson was also remote enough that looters, bandits and just plain folk looking to survive mostly by-passed this area for bigger towns to the South and West.

Not to say that no one has been through here before Maria and her dad Kevin moved their group here a few years ago. There is plenty of damage around town that wasn't done just by nature.

"Must have had a lot of stuff he didn't want anyone to get," I said glancing behind me to my awaiting treasure chest.

Like my three so-called business partners, Joel, Maria and Tommy … fuck just about everyone in town; I had visions of boxes and boxes of ammo littering the floor. Enough to keep Joel and the rest of my fellow guards safe against any assaults, whether they be bandits or Infected.

Or maybe … salt, pepper or even sugar; man wouldn't that be something.

Salt especially would be great … we use a lot of it to make food last longer, even with the refrigerators working, mostly. Joel explained to me once how salt and pepper had been so cheep and plentiful back in his day that they use to practically gave it away in restaurants and gas stations.

Give it away …pftt ... you better believe I called bullshit on that one. I once saw a fistfight break out in Boston between a group of six people over a container of salt. So Joel had to be pulling my leg, I keep thinking that right up until Maria's father confirmed it. They were so rich back in the day. The older people have no idea how fucking annoying it is, sometimes, to listen to them talk about all that they had once and knowing how little it meant to them.

Like those stupid posters of those really disturbingly looking, skinny women I've seen in different cities and magazines. Imagine … having enough food to eat three fucking meals a day without worrying about going out to hunt for more. To have enough so you didn't have to try to make a steak, three carrots and couple small potatoes last a couple days for two people. To go to sleep on a full stomach every night must have been so fucking awesome. But no, let's not be smart and grateful for all we have; let's be a damn unless stupid bitch who think 'oh no, I want to be a gross looking skeleton. So I won't eat, and I can make all the men feel bad for me.'! Fucking idiots.

"Doesn't do you any good having a vault if your damn floor keeps you away from it," Tabby said as I pulled myself away from that enigma and hurried to catch up to her. She was down here with me, wearing Joel's mask, since she was small enough to squeeze through the same opening that I got through and not immune as I am. Still, it was terrifying watching her climb through that hole, knowing that if she damaged the mask or it got caught on something and moved just a few inches … I don't want to watch anyone else die because of me. "See here," she said shinning her light at the ceiling. It was hard to see with all the spores and dust in the air, but she kept flashing her light between two different sections until I saw what she was trying to show me.

"That wood over there," I said pointing to the section near the stairs. "That is darker, then over by the vault. And those smaller … smaller boards …"

"They're called cross beams," she supplied for me.

"Right, cross beams," I repeated so I would remember the word better. "Some of those cross beams are missing as well."

"I can't smell a thing in this mask but I bet it smells really grungy and musky, right?"

"Yea … well, I mostly I smell … you know ... him," I said pointing over my shoulder at the source of our spore problem. I didn't like looking at him or her … like I told Joel before, whatever it had been before it died a long time ago. It look more like a mass of fungus then a person. "But yea, I can smell rotten wood too."

"Yeah, that discoloring you see is wood rot, that whole section of flooring probably had another season or two before it started collapsing as well. Good thing you came down here when you did, kid. In few years, it would been a lot more work to dig this basement out. Of course, we wouldn't have known about the vault so … hell, we might have never even tried." I let the kid remark pass,I know she didn't mean it like a lot of adults in Boston meant it. Tabby meant it like a lot of people said 'dude' or 'girl', just a term nothing more. She walked around a couple of the shelves, running her fingers across them. "Joel told me you figure there was too much dust down here to burn out our 'problem'. Looks like you were right."

"Yea, we tired once in Iowa. Man, you wouldn't believe how damn fast that fire spread."

"I bet," she said looking over the ceiling above the Infected without getting to close to it. I notice she wasn't thrilled at looking at it either. "Okay, I think I have seen enough. Unless you want to have a little private time with prince charming over there, I say we head back upstairs."

"I think I'll skip on that offer," I said smiling.

"I wonder if it was the owner of this place," Tabby commented as she headed for the stairs.

"Maybe, but … I kind of doubt it. I don't think it has been down here for more then a few years," I said glancing back at it one last time as I bend down to get past the rubble.

"Well, you're the expert."

It is kind of freaks me out when people twice my age say that, 'I'm the expert'. He-he, yea some expert, they only say that because I seen more Infected then they have; well, seen them and lived to lie about it … as Daniela Star would say anyways.

Once we got upstairs, we got the joy of going through D-com, meaning that I'm getting hosed down by a Todd and Brett with water hoses and buckets of very cold water. At least, this time I was wearing something called a shower cap on my head so I didn't have to repeatedly pour fucking cold water over my hair, over and over again, to make sure all the spores were washed away. Tabby would have been in worst shape then me without the cap and hoodie covering her head, her hair reminds me of Marlene's hair … only fuller. She took off her jumpsuit and shoes, throwing them in a trash can to be washed separately later. I left mine on since I knew I would be going back down again in a few minutes, if they were still going to go through with the plan.

Once Tabby was done, Tommy, Bruce, the head guy of construction, and two of the younger boys from town, walked over to us. Shawn and Jimmy were couple years old then me, they had been recruited to go thought the papers in the office, looking for the combo to the vault.

"Can I go down there now, Tommy," I heard Shawn whine as they got closer.

"Not now Shawn," Tommy said absently, Shawn has been bothering him all the way over here about getting to see a mushroom head. "Well."

"Joel's little sweetheart here was right on the money," Tabby said as she fluffed out her hair a bit. "We'll need to pump out the dust and spores down there before we even think of lighting any thing up. For a building almost a hundred years old, its not totally a wash."

"But," Bruce's rougher voice said eying the roof.

"But I wouldn't want to trust the floor over here," she pointed down to where we were standing, "it's rotten to the core. I'm surprise its hold us up right now. The stairs are in worst shape; Ellie and I are both tiny, but if we have you big strong … err large size … men walking up and down them, they will fail. Lets forget about taking any equipment down them that we might need to crack that nut."

"All it is going to take another good snow season, and this roof will cave in completely," Bruce said. "If we're going to get this done, we should do it now. Next spring, it will probably three times as hard and most likely six times more dangerous."

"How do you want to do this," Tommy said without much hesitation.

Joel told me that Maria and him was just as anxious as we were about getting into that vault. I guess what Joel said is the truth, sealed vaults are unheard of after all these years. We caught a lucky break with this one.

"'L' takes down the hoses for the d-com like we originally plan. Instead of clearing out the stairs, we will need to take out part of the floor," Bruce said walking over to the section near the vault, "here. We can use ladders for us and that engine hoist from that repair shop down the street to lift anything heavy."

"It will take longer," Tommy said letting out a sigh.

"Maybe, maybe not; it is definitely safer then using the stairs." Tabby nodded over to the pile of debris in the corner.

"How long," Tommy asked looking at his watch.

"Depends on 'L' here, if she can get her end done quickly enough; we could be all but done by lunch." He said with a shit eating grin.

'L'? Did he just call me 'L' again? Oh man … So Fucking Cool, I got a nickname! 'L' … I am the 'L'; fear me evil doers!

"I meant to get the tools you need from your shop," Tommy grinning as well.

"I brought the tools we need to cut through the floor, just in case." Bruce said sticking a piece of wood in his mouth.

I've notice he like to chew on toothpicks a lot, never asked why. Joel thinks he might have been a smoker back when there were cigarettes … which of course made all kind of sense to me ...not! These old people forget sometimes that a lot of what they talk about, us kids have no clue what they are saying. It's like they aren't even speaking English but some weird old people speak.

"That's our boy scout for you," Tabby, Bruce, Tommy and the other adults laughed … old people are so weird sometimes.

"Will the generator be able to handle the load?"

"Should," Tabby nodded as Bruce spoke. "We run just as much off it when we are rehabbing a house."

"Okay, we will do it." Tommy jerked his head up and down quickly. "Tabby, take Todd, Jimmy and Shawn here and go get that engine hoist. Don't forget to give Joel his mask back, I still need him to check the sewer line."

"On it. Come on boys, time to earn your pay."

"I can stay here and cut open the floor if you want," Shawn said quickly.

"No, I need you to get that hoist."

"Come one Tommy, I want to help ..."

"And you will be … we need that hoist."

"This is so lame," Shawn said in a huff as he headed out the door.

I kind of feel for him, I remember how much I wanted to have Joel let me help him before he finally did. I should feel worst since he is such an expert at so many different things. Don't believe me … ask him, he will go on for hours about his skills. I mean hours, the fucker wouldn't shut up all morning since we all gather at the stables. Yeah, my first time getting to work with anyone my age and I get stuck with Mr. All-talk-will-shit-my-pants-if-I-hear-a-gunshot. At least Jimmy is kind of cool.

"Bruce, get your tools ready. Ellie take a breather; I don't want to start up that generator until Joel gets those explosives in place."

"Right," I said going over to sit against the wall while Tommy turned to my other two partners who had washed me down.

"Brett, Charlie; give me a hand getting the generator and hoses in here."

"What happens if we can't find that combination?" Brett voice the same concern Joel and I have had since we found the vault.

"Those vaults are designed to slow down potential thieves," Bruce said, looking unconcern. "If we have too, we cut out the combination wheels, use a torch on the internal guts. It slow work, as I said they are design to be hard to break in but they are not fool proof."

As I sat alone in the empty store, I looked around the ruins, all the empty shelves, some still up while others laying on the floor broken, and wonder what it must have been like before. Did everyone in town come here? Like Best Mart or those other huge stores I've seen across the country or did only a handful ever shop here? Joel had told me, in the past, that most people, especially those who lived in the cities, didn't really own handguns or rifles. He told me that even though he had owned a .357 pistol in Texas, it was only used once.

Back then … back then people trust each other for the most part. They had trust in the military … no wait … not the military, they weren't used like they are today. Back then they had something called police officers. Yea, that is what Joel called them. These police officers enforced the laws, made it safe to walk down the street, unarmed, any time of the day … and they didn't shoot you on sight if they caught you breaking the law.

Weird times indeed.

However, in this part of the country, as he tells me, it was normal for most people to have various kinds of weapons in their homes. Like Joel and I, they had handguns, shotguns and rifles. The police could be an hour or more away, so if some fool was trying to kill you, you need someway to fuck him up. Plus, they had certain times of the year when they were allowed to hunt deer, elk, rabbits and fowl.

Joel couldn't explain why you could only hunt a certain times … I mean you get hungry any time of the year. He just reminded me that back before the Outbreak, hunting was more of a sport and the meat was use to supplement their diets, not the main source. Also, even though it was severely frown upon, some hunters didn't hunt for meat, they just wanted to shoot something. Sometimes, the more I learn about the so-called 'good ole days' the more I think it was populated by complete fucking idiots … well , mostly idiots. Joel is no idiot.

More importantly, it didn't matter if you live in a city or out in the middle of nowhere … carrying weapons around like we do here, out in the open and ready to shoot … was very much frown upon. And like in the QZ, many people back then didn't want anyone to have them, let alone let someone carry one at all times.

Seriously; if you had a gun, why wouldn't you always carry it around and out in the open. If I was a bad guy, and had above average IQ for a bandit, you know as high as a wet sponge, I would want to know if my target is armed or not. If he was armed, I wouldn't fuck with him. Duh!

I also wonder … why would anyone set up their shelves so weird?

Old people … they're so fucking strange.

"Hey 'L', can you give me a hand over here?" Bruce's voice said jarring me out of thought.

"Sure thing Bruce."

* * *

It was taking me hours to get this D-com done. There was a large yellow hose that was sucking most of the air out of the basement and sending it to a portable incinerator to be safely destroyed. The large hose was like the kind that workmen, back in the day, would use to work in confined underground systems, like the sewer pipes.

The incinerator was a system of electrical dust eaters and an actual oven that the air was pulled through. This was supposedly the same system that the military used early in the Infection to get into places they need to go. It worked really well but Bruce told me that the only problem with it was the amount of time it took to get even a small area like this clean. I know from my classes at the military boarding school and from dealing with soldiers, they weren't the most patient people in the world.

As well as the large hose, there were two smaller hoses I had to use, one was a vacuum hose as well, while the other was used to shoot out air. For those larger clumps of spores and dust that were too heavy to get sucked up by the larger hose. Lets not forget the paint scraper and broom I used as well to get those really stubborn bits moving. So I had to move around the room, scrapping, sweeping and blowing chucks of … stuff, then get them suck up to be flame-broiled.

Should had let Joel take me out to the lake today so he could teach me a new way on how to drown with style.

Well, unlike my drowning … er … I mean swimming lessons, I could see some progress here … some. I could see from one end of the room to the other clearly and my light would reach down there was well. Mostly, if I could get rid of my bestie buddy there, I could be almost finished.

I was also waiting for them to finish cutting the hole in the floor so Joel could join me down here. Maybe he could figure out that weird shelve. I have to remember to show it too him before we put up the plastic sheet.

_Thump_

Ah speak of the devil.

Joel lowered four ropes down through the holes he drilled into the floor, while I crossed tied them, I could hear and see the saw ripping through the support … cross beams … that was holding up his side of the ceiling. The plan was to lift the section of floor up by using that engine hoist so we could get the ladders down here. Once Joel could join me, the two of us would use some of the last plastic sheeting to closed off a small section of the basement so we didn't have to scrub the whole damn area.

Joel was also going to help me … dispose of something else as well.

"Hey," he said simply as he finally climb down, wearing a jumpsuit similar to mine. He said he grabbed ours before he left the Fireflies back in Salt Lake. Mine was a given, I had no clothes other then that stupid gown. Fucking hell, wish he would just tell me … fuck never mind. "good?"

"Good", we both just had entire conversation with two words. See, this is why I love this old fart, even if he did lie to me once. Everyone else saw a causal greeting, I saw 'how are you holding up? Are you okay with this or do you want me to do it by myself?' See, this is why I know one day I will forgive him for that whole lying to me deal … or beat the truth out of him. Still not sure myself, yet. "Come here a second and look at this."

"We don't have much time Ellie."

"I know," I grabbed his hand and dragged him over, "But this has been bugging me since I found it this morning." I watch his eyes behind his mask as he looked at the shelve, then to the surrounding area and back to the shelve. He did this a couple times before scratching the back of his shower cap. "I know, right."

"It's some kind of code," he said, even with his face and voice hidden by the mask, I knew he was just as interested in this as I was. I smacked him in the arm, "It's a way for him or someone to let others know something but hidden in plain sight."

"Like those smuggler marks you followed back in Boston?"

"Yep, just like those," he said … his eyes told me he was please I was making the connection. "What it means, what it leads to … we will never know without knowing what kind of code it is. Come on, lets get the plastic up."

"Shit, you know this is going to bug me now," I said as we walked back to the hole.

"You got to learn when to let things go, Ellie." Joel reminded me as he climb up the ladder.

"I know," I took off those goggles and dusk mask that I used to protect myself from the heavy dust. Dust mask, surgical mask … anything but military grade gas mask like Joel's were ineffective against the fungus. Andy, a former military medic who defected with Steven and the closes thing we had to a doctor, had told me one night that no one understood why. Just that they lost a lot of people before they stop trying. "But you know, one night during patrol I'll start thinking or I see something just as odd around town and BAM. I will be all like 'I wonder if this is the same.'"

"Ellie," it is still amazing to me how he can say so much with just one word.

"Fine," I mumbled as he dropped the bundle of plastic sheets, stapler guns and the precious duck tape.

We started by the steps, hanging the plastic from the ceiling to the floor, stapling the top and using the tape to seal around the hoses … can't wait till we shut off the damn generator, fucking thing is annoying. Then we walked it back to the vault, leaving enough room for about three adults to stand side by side. Once we were done with that part he climb back up to get the shovels to remove prince charming over there, we need to move him to away from the vault to cement wall to burn it.

"Here," he said coming back down with a shovel and something else. "Lizzy sent these out while you were down here. She agree to give us four plastic garbage bag, so we can just bag it and take out to burn. Less chance of anything else going wrong. I already told you partners we would eat the cost of these."

"How much," I cringed, Lizzy didn't like to sell things cheep.

"Deer or equivalent of any goods we find here."

"Fuck, a whole deer?"

"Cost of doing business Ellie," he said shrugging. "They are the largest they made back then, so maybe we can get him into one or just two and save the rest for something else."

"Okay," not really … damn she is cheep, but if we didn't have to burn it in here less chance of losing the whole building. As we both closed in on our silent partner, I cringed again. "I hate this part."

"Yeah," was all he said as we both took opposite sides of the corpse. "Okay, one … two … three!"

See! This is why I skipped breakfast this morning! God damn it! It broke into three pieces, one at the waist and we both had a piece of the top half in our hands. Thank God, there were no creepy crawlies running around in there and it was a dry husk or I would really be cursing up a blue streak! I looked down on my half and notice a something dangling from where its wrist would be, it looked like a chain with a bear and heart hanging from the chain. When I told Joe about it he got real quiet and began poking around the bottom half.

"Yep, I can see parts of a dress under here."

"Wait, my man is really a woman?"

"Yeah, and … with that chain, they use to call it a 'charm bracelet'; they were big with … girls your age."

"Fuck," great, another reminder of what could have happened to me … what happened to Riley … Sam … great. I shoved my pieces into the bag and set out to finish the job as quickly as possible so I didn't have to see it anymore.

"Ellie," to anyone else hearing him, his voice would have sounded just the same as when he was reminding me to forget things. But I knew better, I knew what he was not saying by saying my name.

"I'll be fine Joel," I answered quietly sitting back on my heels. Giving him a weak smile I added, "Just … don't be surprise if you find me in crawling into your bed tonight."

"Anytime," he said.

We both still suffer nightmares and sometimes, … sometimes even with us in separate rooms, we know when the other needs us. There been a few nights, we start out in separate rooms but end up together.

We worked quicker to finish cleaning up the remains, neither of us like the implications. Me because that could been … should have been ... my fate if it wasn't for a fluke. Joel was probably think of Sarah as well as me. God … I will never, ever tell anyone … especially Joel … he would hate me for it. Hell, I hate myself for even thinking it … but … Sarah sounded like such a sweetheart, I am … it was better she died like she did. After Tess … I would hate to have Joel go through seeing Sarah get the infection. I think he wouldn't have want … he would never had let her go and … no, … he never would have left her behind. I wouldn't have either.

It was after lunch before we finished scrubbing down the clean area and making sure it was safe for everyone else.

"Shit! Did you have ice in that bucket," I gave Brett a dirty look as he finished pour that ice cube on my head.

"Well, duh, 'L'; had to keep my beer cold somehow," I would shot that grin off his face but Joel had my pistol.

"'L'?" Joel asked as he handed me a towel.

"Yea, it is her new nick name." Brett said same stupid grin. "Hey maybe we should call you 'J', you know J and L, how does that sound?"

I smirked as Joel let his opinion of that idea be express by the silence that was colder then that bucket water.

"Or not … not um … Joel is a great name … right Joel, um Joel sir? Mr. Joel."

"Ellie, go ahead and get change in one of the back rooms, they are still looking around the office."

"Rodger Dodger," I smiled all the way back to the backrooms. I love Joel, especially the way he can say so much without wasting a single breath. I got out of my jumpsuit, and put on my long, red, flannel shirt and bib coveralls and sneakers. My work boots, that they make me wear when I am on the clock, and jumpsuit went into a can so it can be washed with the other contaminated gear. To get my mind off the Infected, I returned to the code.

I did consider that the blocks might have the message hidden in them but then why were the other two shelves set up like they were? The reason it was taking them so long going through the office wasn't because Shawn couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground, the guy keep detail records of everything. I swear somewhere in this building is a box of used tissues from every time he blew his nose. So given everything they told me about those records, I'm thinking it was the owner who left the code. But for who and why?

As I dragged the can out, I briefly wonder if the numbers corresponded with a letter but yea 47 is not a letter and "e" + "d"+ "g"+"s"= nonsense. Maybe 4+7 but that is 11 and that would be "k" and that made no sense either. Damn, 5 47 19?

"Hungry?" Tabby said handing me a couple sandwich and glass of water.

"Starving, thank you." Hmm, rabbit … so good. 5+47+19 would be 71 or 7+1 which would be the letter "h" … again nonsense.

"They still haven't found the combo yet," she said leaning against the wall next to me.

"I know," I said with a sigh, "you think they can break into it."

"Maybe," she said in the same tone as Joel said maybe, which means no. "If they cut those dials out wrong or make any mistakes it could activate its failsafe mod, and lock us out for good. Then we would need diamond tip drills to get into it and we don't have anything like that around here."

"Can we blast it open," I asked chewing on my second sandwich. I am so glad I don't work the stables. I hate to make friends with my food.

"Not without bring down the entire building," she said glumly.

"Maybe we could dig to it on the outside ..." but cut myself off as she shook her head.

"Same problem, only slightly better since we would only destroy half the store."

"So … can't we just you know spin the lock around till we hit the right combo?"

"Oh, we can do that alright, it's just you have to get the right three numbers in the right order and you just have to guess all the numbers from 0 thru 80 … you got a few years you want to spend spinning the wheel?" She shrugged her small shoulders as she pushed away from the wall. "I betting this guy has it written down somewhere though, he must have been one anal retentive bitch the way his filing system is set up. The idiot even kept a list of his meals."

She walked away and my thoughts were chasing themselves around my head like rats in a sewer.

Three numbers!

Damn it!

Three numbers, three lousy little numbers could be all that is keeping me from being one of the riches bitches in Jackson!

There could be anything in that vault … anything! Sure, it could be empty or it could be filled floor to ceiling with ammo or guns or … anything!

Three numbers …

I'm not big on the whole God thing but sometimes I swear he as a nasty sense of humor.

Three lousy little fucking …

…

Three numbers?

…

Three numbers, shit!

"Joel!"


	5. Vault

Vault

Jackson

Summer + 6 weeks

"I am going to shit myself if this actually works," Bruce said kneeling in front of the vault door, gently touching the different combination wheels.

"I'm going to shit myself if you ever get started," I said softly from my spot behind Joel up stairs. He just tapped my arm, while I let out a sigh to let him know I got the message. I'll play nice.

"Even if these are the right numbers," Bruce said turning the first wheel. "We might have to make a couple attempts, it could be … shit this stuff is hard. Tabby, my all purpose tool, if you don't mind."

"WD-40 coming up," she slapped some kind of blue and gold can in his hand.

"WD-40 and duck tape … what more does a man need," Bruce said spraying the wheel.

While Tabby and him were in the pit, the rest of us crowded around the edge watching them.

"What's the hold up anyways," Shawn, surprise surprise, whine from the spot across from me.

"Most likely it has been twenty years since that door has been open," Charlie answer while watching Bruce. "Even after Joel and L scrubbed down everything there is still old dust, grease and who knows what gonking up the works."

"That's what you get for sending a little girl to do the job."

"Don't start on L," Brett said nodding in my direction. "She did a great job or we would all be falling over dead by now. That vault is just old."

"My dad … you know back before, he use to repair air conditioning units for a living." Todd said, I know I am not the only one who caught his hesitation in his voice. A lot of people had that small pause in their voice when they remember those who aren't with us anymore. "I … he would often tell me that no matter how well something was made, it was going to break sooner or later. That most of his work comes from people who just neglects simple maintenance."

"After twenty years with no upkeep." Joel said while Tommy nodded with him. "I'd be more shocked if it open right up the first time."

"What happens if the locks are too rusted to open?" Jimmy asked.

"Let's not invent any more worries Jimmy," Tommy said with a sigh, "lets see if it works first or not."

"Tell you what," I said trying to lighting the mood while flapping the front of my shirt to create a small breeze … long sleeve flannel shirts … not the best thing on a hot summer day. "I know I could have used a air conditioner repair man last night. Shit, I could have used an air conditioner."

"Tell me about it," Todd said with a smirk. "If we had one, if my dad was here, if he had his tools; it probably still not help us since it took a special gas to make it cooler. That coolant was regulated pretty heavily from what my mom had told me and expensive as hell to buy."

"I know that tune," Tommy said with a grin.

"I thought it was supposed to be chilly here in the mountains."

"Na, we only have eleven months of winter … this is the one month of hot as hell," Charlie letting out a small chuckle. "I was told by my grandfather that down south is like swapped. Can you imagine living somewhere that never see snow … ever!"

"That has to be bullshit," While Brett and Todd argued with Charlie about the weather; Shawn said something to Jimmy, he was snickering while Jimmy just look uncomfortable about it.

"No, its true," Holy horse shit! Joel is fucking actually making small talk. "Back in Austin, Tommy and I never saw snow till we made our way up North."

"Reckon I never really learn to like it much either," Tommy grinned. "Especially, when it is piled higher then my house."

"Of course, during the summer months it would get muggier and hotter then it ever got here or in Boston."

"Pftt, hard to believe that Joel, I remember some really hot days in Boston."

"Big cities have a way of trapping heat," Tommy pointed to the window. "All that glass and black asphalt makes seem hotter sometimes then what it was … what we are talking about temps in the high 90's low hundreds sometimes, even in the shade, with enough moisture in the air that you swear you could wring it out of the sky."

"Man, what a place to live," Charlie said getting that far away look in his eye. "I would love to live somewhere that is always warm. I love wearing shorts all the time." He then turned to Tommy and Joel to ask, "that Austin is in Louisiana, right? The Louisiana State University is located there."

Uh ...

"No, you dummy, it is in Oklahoma … the Big Horns right?"

Oh no …

"Wait, is that the feet ball team, right?"

Please tell me they just didn't ...

"Yea, they kicked that white and black checker ball around."

Oh dear God …

"No, that's soccer … we played in in Denver. Best damn game ever."

Did you hear that … that is the sound of a shit storm approaching.

"I thought that was fuze ball?"

I couldn't see Joel's expression … didn't want to see his expression. I'll just keep my face buried in my palm.

"Isn't fuze ball played by hitting the ball with a wooden stick," Jimmy asked innocently.

Great, the one subject that I have learn that would keep Joel happily talking for hours, the sports from his day, and they managed to mangle up most of them. Plus, getting the college sports teams confused. One thing that Joel loves the most, the University of Texas Longhorns. This is so not going to be pretty.

"Wait, I though that they used the small white ball and threw them at baskets," Shawn sounded as perplexed as the rest of them.

I raised my head to see the most … annoyed-amused, is that a word even … look on my friend's face. I meekly give him a small chuckle and grin, but he doesn't really notice.

"Tommy, what in Sam's hill are y'all teaching these young-in in that there school of yours." He snared out … an amused snarl, I know and I am pretty sure Tommy knows it but those others … no way.

"I know, I know," Tommy let out a sigh avoiding his older brother's gaze.

"And here I thought y'all were going to teach them important things … things that need to be remembered."

"We just started you know ..."

"What kind of men who … damn it Tommy … soccer?"

"I only have myself to blame ..."

"What's so bad about soccer Joel?"

…

"I mean Joel, sir? Um Mr. Joel … I'm … I'm going to just be quiet now." Brett said as the other two just savagely nodded in agreement.

"Let me correct y'all on a few things. One; Austin is located in the greatest state in these United States ..."

"State of Washington D.C.?"

"No, that is a city, not a state … and I will tell you if you would be so kind to let me finish. Austin is in the great state of Texas, and is the home of the greatest _football_ team to grace the gridiron, the Texan Longhorns!" Joel is being really silly while playing this game, haven't seen him enjoy himself like this in a while. At least, I get to watch instead of being one on the receiving end. "And it is football, not feet ball. And most definitely better then soccer any day of the week and twice on Sunday."

"So the gridiron is where you have to kick the ball thru the nets …" Shawn asked. Pretty brave to be talking while Joel is like this … brave or … stupid. I'll go with stupid.

"That's soccer, football has goal post," I responded absently, while looking out the window at the guards posted around the building.

"Fuck, you're just a girl what do you know, two by four."

"I know enough never to mention that 'S' word while talking about football." What the hell did he mean by 2x4 anyways?

"Ellie has learned a lot about sports," Joel said, his tone switched from jolly to serious. "Besides, lots of girls use to play sports back in the day." Then he added with a smirk, "especially that soccer."

"We still need to find a football, so you can teach me how to throw it," I smirk back at him. Sarah played soccer, so I know he didn't totally hate the game as much as he acted but still … he never spent two weeks explaining soccer to me either.

"So girls played football too," Jimmy asked in a less annoying way then Shawn would have, I am sure.

And that is when I began to tune out as the boys bonded … for the next hour. Geez, I swear the reason Joel doesn't talk much is because he is only allowed so many words a year and is saving them all up just to talk about football. And all this talking also means that we will be still talking about it when we get home. That ain't so bad, really, I love to see him so happy. Plus, you know, it would have been totally cool if I could have gone to a stadium with him and Sarah to watch the Longhorns or sit around the television on a Sunday afternoon to watch the professions play. Sarah was so lucky.

"You may want to watch what you say there son," Joel said in a low tone that caught my attention.

"Yea, whatever," Shawn, gee what a surprise, said while sulking and everyone else looking on uncomfortably.

Wish I had been paying more attention.

"Enough," Tommy snapped but not raising his voice either. "She is a valuable member of this team, of this community, Shawn, and deserves the same respect from you as anyone else."

Wait … 'she'? Did Tommy mean ..."

"If she is even a girl," he snarl while looking directly at … me?

"Hey; fuck you, asshole!" I started forward as Joel reached with his left arm to block me. I have no idea what had been said but I know it wasn't good.

"She talks like a boy, dresses like a boy … she is as flat chest as a boy"

"I'll show you how much a woman I am while I'm kicking your fucking ass!"

"Do you even own a dress, 2x4?"

"I would if your mom would quit buying them all for you," Okay, fine. So I don't like dresses, they are useless and fucking impractical to hunt in; doesn't mean I not a girl. "And what the hell do you mean by 2x4?"

"Ellie!" Joel snapped; this time he was telling me to drop it, it wasn't worth the fight but fuck that … this asshole need a good thumping.

"It means you are as flat as a board, no boobies."

"Oh, I got boobies! And you will know I got them when I use them to pound your ass into next ..."

"Enough," Tommy snapped out, loud enough to get both of our attentions. "Shawn with me, now!"

Tommy didn't even wait to see if Shawn would followed him into the office. With one last spiteful look between us, he wisely followed Tommy to safety. I was still fuming as the door slammed shut.

Joel stared at me, looking annoyed at my antics as I paces around him. I hate it when he just stares, it means he is thinking I have majorly fucked up.

"What?" I asked, not that I expect him to answer, not when I already knew the answer. "I have great boobies, Joel."

"Ellie."

"Sure, they aren't, you know, fucking grossly huge like some girls, but damn it, they are there. Really, they are there even if it may not look like I have any!"

"Ellie, please ..."

"You want to see them," I started to unbutton my shirt when he reached out to stop me, his face … man it was red! The last time he got this red … oh shit! I forgot this is in the 'No, don't go there with Joel' territory. Shit, he is going to kill me when we get home, ain't he. "Sorry … but just because I can't piss standing up ..."

"Ellie!"

Right, this is me shutting up.

"I bet you have great boobies, L;" Brett said. I guess he was trying to lighten the mood or make me feel better but then he turned white … like snow white – white. I glance over my shoulder to see what scared him … Oh. You know, I though Joel only look at bandits like that. "I mean … um … I am going to shut up now, sorry Joel … Joel sir … Mr. Joel. Um, hey, you get that vault open yet?"

"Almost got it, Brett," Bruce said spraying more stuff into the third dial. "But I doubt that this vault is strong enough to keep Joel reaching you if that is what you were wondering."

There was some light chuckling between the others in and out of the pit, nervous giggling but that was more to relieve the tension. I, on the other hand, walked in front of Joel, my back to the others and looked him straight in the eye as I said sorry. I could see in his eyes he forgave me, I was still going to catch hell when we got home but he didn't hate me … all is good as far as I was concern. I turned away when I heard the office door open, and two sets of footsteps coming my way.

Shawn had that look on his face, I realized as he got closer, that was same look I use to wear back in Boston, before I left with Joel. This is why he was still in school and I was on the Line even though he was seventeen and I was only fifteen.

He was still just a kid trying to pretend to be an adult where as I was adult acting like a little kid. They expected him to be childish; while Tommy and Joel, they expected more from me and yea well, I not doing so great on that part today, am I?

"Sorry for the way I acted," he mumbled out, parroting what Tommy had told him to say. "I shouldn't have treat you like that so, you know, whatever."

"I'll accept your apology if you accept mine," I said quickly as both Tommy and Joel stirred. I knew Joel would have expect a better line from Shawn, but what he said wasn't as important to me as what I need to say. After all I am the adult here, not him. "We are outside the Line, on a mission, and for the safety of everyone here, we all have to act with certain restraint as to our personal feelings. Our lives are in danger as long as we are outside the Line, I further risk our lives by picking a fight with you, that was unprofessional and immature. So to you Shawn, and everyone else, I'm sorry and it will not happen again."

"It happens," Todd said as a way to let me know it was okay. "At least, you never fell asleep during a hunt."

"I keep telling you, I closed my eyes for a moment," Charlie snapped back.

"Yeah, that 12 point buck walked by you in just a couple seconds.

As those three bickered and argue over who killed who, Joel touch the small of my back. He was still mad but … I think he has forgiven me.

"Shit on a goose!" Bruce said suddenly. "L, you were right; those numbers, 5+47+19 was the combo!"

"Its open," Tommy asked sound as shocked as Bruce.

"Yeah, I just have to pull it open ..."

"Don't! Tabby and you get up here now. Brett, Charlie, Todd, Jimmy get ready to pull that last piece of plastic over the hole when I tell you. Joel, let me see that gas mask."

"What do you want me to do," Shawn whined and then yelp as Tommy put the mask over his head.

"You and Ellie are going to check out that vault, make sure it is safe for us to go in." Tommy said as he tested the integrity of the mask. "She is in charge so listen to what she says and don't take your mask off no matter what until I say so, understand?"

"Yea, yea I get it."

He didn't, I knew that tone, I have used that tone, Joel knew it as well. We both exchanged glances, he wasn't happy but trusted me. Plus, he knew as well as Tommy and I did that any spores in there were long dead. This was as low threat as you could get outside the Line, good way to get his feet wet.

"We can use our lights down there," I said calmly. "Runners and Stalkers are attracted to lights and movement but as long as that vault has been closed if there is anything in there it would be either a Clicker or Bloater, they hunt by sound."

"Right," he answer as he fumbled with his light.

"And relax, most likely we won't find anything at all." With that I headed down the ladder. He quickly followed, probably didn't want to be showed up by a girl, while they pulled the sheet over the hole. Yes, the door was unlocked and it was design to open outward easily no matter how much it weight … still it took both of us to open it. Then a smell came from the room, a smell I knew all too well. "Fuck," I whispered out.

"What?"

"Nothing, just … just stay close," the vault was huge, easily half as big as the basement. It was also filled with shelves full of stuff and boxes. He kept looking the boxes as we went though the room. Asking me to stop but … I need to find him or her … the source of the smell. And there I found him and her … laying on a cot … near a pile of garbage bags neatly stack in the corner.

"Oh man, … is that … is that what I think it is?"

"Come on Shawn, I need to check them."

"What? Check them for what? Too make sure their ration card isn't expired?"

"Make sure they aren't infected."

"What you're going to touch them? Are you serious?"

"I'm sure they won't mind." I'm sure they are no danger, they are mostly skin and bone … mummified as Joel explained it but … have to be sure.

"I'm going to puke." His voice going weak.

"Shawn, easy;" I said spinning around quickly and looking up at the older boy. "Keep it together; if you puke in that mask you could drown, understand." He nodded quickly looking like he wanted to bolt. "Take slow deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth." Wow, he was actually listening to my advice, "that is it. Just keep your light on me … don't look at them if you don't want to … I won't tell anyone."

"How … how can you be so calm?"

"I wasn't … the first three times," I lied, dead bodies something I have always found laying around Boston, never really been freaked out when I found them. I knelt down next to them, quickly examined them, while he hummed to himself. No obvious signs of death, but they were lock in an embrace as if they died together. The older one, a girl by the looks of her and her clothes, had a note in one of her hands. It came out easily enough …

_ Forgive me …_

_ I didn't want to commit 2 mortal sins; daddy left over two months ago to get mom from Aunt Beth's place in Fort Collins, normally a half day trip. Two entire months lock in here. He said we would be safe, whatever was happening out there won't get us and he would be back and we would __all be together. I tried to be brave, Bo is only seven and he needs me to be strong, but two months? Daddy is not coming back. It … I slip poison is his meal, mine as well. He will never know, he will just go to sleep and wake up with mom and daddy in heaven._

_Forgive me God_

_Debbie Smith_

Shit.


	6. Chapter 6

Summer +6 weeks

It took us three hours to get everything out of the vault. We found MRE, several bags of salt and pepper, bullets, water purifying kits, more books then you could shake a stick at, several tins of gun powder still in good shape, as well as a machine and material to make reloads. Several military type assault weapons, four military grade gas mask, explosives, ammo for the military weapons as well pistols, clothing, Debbie must have been near my age since we were about the same size … I don't want them … toilet paper (There is a God!), paper towels and other gear. Bruce commented that the guy must have been a survivalist, someone who stocked pile gear for when the world ended so he could survive.

Yeah, great planning on his part.

And of course, he had a list of everything he had in the vault. And Debbie, being a good daughter, crossed off the items they used.

As for Debbie and Bo, we left them just as I found them, seemed wrong to move them. Bruce said a few words, asking God to take them in his hands or something, I … I don't know about heaven … sounds like a nice dream. If there is one … I hope Debbie and Bo are there with their mom and dad. Then we sealed up the vault, locked it and I destroyed the code. It will probably be buried under the rubble of the roof by next spring … that is fine. That would be perfect actually, there is no reason for anyone to disturb their sleep again.

When we got back to the compound; Joel told me to head home, he would handle the paperwork on this one. I didn't argue … or even say thanks … or wave goodby to anyone. No one said anything, even Shawn left just as quietly as I had.

When I got home, after I stored my weapons in the armory; I immediately stripped down, threw on a pair of shorts and a half shirt two sizes too big for me. Barefoot, I walked down to the bag … I took a deep breath ... and pounded away. I pounded it hard … I hit it till my knuckles bled … I yelled till my throat was raw … I cried till I couldn't breath … then I hit it some more.

When I couldn't do it anymore … I went back to my room, stripped down again, then went to take a bath. I soaked in the bubble bath, thinking about how Joel surprised me one day with the idea of a bubble bath. How we chased each other around the kitchen throwing bubbles at each other. I wanted to think happy thoughts … anything but … guess I'm not all cry out yet.

Eventually, the bubbles disappeared, the water got cold … the tears stop. After drying myself off, leaving my hair damp and down around my shoulders; I went to Joel's room, found one of his shirts, a long flannel one that button up and hung down to my knees, then I crawled into his bed. It was too hot and muggy really, to be wearing this shirt … but …

It as dark by the time Joel came home, I heard him come in and take his boots off at the door. He stop in at the armory, but bypassed my door; instead came into his room. Yeah, he already knew where I would be. Even though he kept the lights off, I kept my back to him as he changed. It didn't matter that I already had seen him; pftt, I took care of him while he was dying, cleaned him several times a day. This was part of the 'No go there with Joel' rule, we respected each other needs.

When Joel climb in the bed, I flip over and buried my face in his chest. I'm … I'm not sure who I was crying for anymore. Bo? Debbie? Riley? Sam and Henry? Tess? Sarah? My mom? All of them? None of them? The whole stupid world? I don't know … I'm just so thankful that I wasn't crying for Joel. I never want to cry for Joel.

* * *

We have a rule in our house, first one up fixes breakfast. Lunch was something you did for yourself since it was rare anymore for both of us to be home at the same time. Dinner, that was something we both did together. But breakfast, it was usually Joel; I am not much of a morning person.

I look in the refrigerator, pulling out some bacon and eggs, raised here at the stables. I was starving, I last ate yesterday afternoon and that meal had consisted of two small rabbit sandwiches, hardly enough to consider a real meal. I let out a snort as I started frying the bacon, so very glad I don't have to worry about making friends with my food.

"Smells good," Joel says walking into the kitchen, fresh from the shower and dressed for the day. I still don't know how he can be so damn energetic so early in the morning. I was still wearing his shirt.

"To you, after eating all those so-called meals of yours for years, anything smells good." I smirked as I slid the eggs on his plate.

"You never complained," he smiled as he took his plate from me.

"I didn't know any better."

We made small talk as we ate, him reminding me that he would be at the power plant until sun down and I reminded him that I had the day off.

"So when are you going to let me stand guard at the plant?"

"When you learn to swim," he gave me the same answer he always gives me. "Or you tell me when you turn 16, which ever comes first."

"I am happy to tell you when my birthday is," I smirked as I shoved the last piece of bacon in my mouth. Then I gave him my best 'I'm too cute to ignore' smile while saying,"Right after you tell me when yours is."

"Okay, we will get up early tomorrow for another go at swimming."

"Fine!" I groan out. "How is it you can resist that smile like this?"

"Sarah," he said snorting. "She was a tab better at it then you and I still didn't always give in."

"Yeah, I bet. You are such a horrible lair." He just shrugged but his eyes … they were dancing with amusement. He started picking up his dishes, as per custom, but I stopped him. "I'll do them, this way you can get to the gate early enough to swap lies about feet ball with the other old goats."

"Feet ball," he shook his head while I followed him into the armory. He grabbed his rifle and pistol, automatic checking them and his clips, it was like breathing to us both. "Hard to believe they knew more about soccer then football."

"What is wrong with that? You told me Sarah love to play soccer, that picture you have is her holding a soccer trophy."

"Yeah, well," he hem hew answer as he check each bullet in his clips. "She still knew all about football."

"Must have been quiet the scene,you two sitting in front of the television, sharing a beer … yelling at the mindless machine, as you called it, when there was a bad call." I gave him a smile, "sound so Normal Stockwell."

"His name was Norman Rockwell ..."

"Pftt, whatever."

"And that is one thing that hasn't changed … kids didn't drink alcohol back then either."

"What? That is bullshit, man."

"Nope, not good for kids."

"That is so stupid, I got drunk once , it wasn't so bad."

"Oh you have, have you?"

"Yes I have," I said standing tall, while looking all proper and shit. "I was twelve and I had something called 'moonshine' and it was a great time." And I did have a great time … if by great time, you mean, I was barely able to started breathing again after my first shot or how I need several gallons of water to put out the fire as the moonshine burned down to my tummy. And the wonderful night spent puking up ever meal I'd ever ate … so if that is what you would call a great time, then I nailed it … what I remembered anyways.

"Sure kiddo," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "How much do you remember and how long did you puke?"

"Pftt, whatever," I rolled my eyes as he walked by me chuckling. "You are impossible, you know that."

"So I have been told."

"How old were you when you first drank?"

"Legal age in the state of Texas to consume alcoholic beverages was twenty one."

"And," I asked as he put on his shoes.

"Of course I would never break the law, Ellie."

"God, you are so full of shit."

"So I have been told," shit, now I know why I can never charm him with a smile … and why Sarah was better then me. I must get better at this, I'm the 'L', he will not resist my cuteness. "I know you might not be in the mood Ellie," Joel said getting serious. "But you should head over to the trading post, make sure I did everything you wanted done."

"I will, Joel." I said crossing my arms and leaning against the wall. I probably would have anyways, I really don't want to sit here all day by myself … thinking.

"And if you need anything, Ellie," Joel said looking … conflicted or uncertain … neither one I would ever associate with him. "Make sure you that when you try to sneak over, you carry a rifle instead of the bow. That way, if you get into trouble we have a better chance of hearing you."

Holy shit! Joel … damn it he does care, doesn't he. Okay, be brave girl. Run over there and give him a big hug! Tell him you love him and how much he means to you and how lost you would be without him! Do it Ellie do it now!

"Okay, Joel." Son of a bitch, I am so fucking pathetic! For the love of God, I need to tell him how much I love him, before he leaves! "Joel," do it, all I have to do is say it. "I … I … don't want to cry … you know … because … well, you know."

How! How the fuck can I run thought a town full of fucking bandits and Infected without being scared but can't tell the most important person in the world I love him? How!

"I know baby girl," he said, his eyes growing so soft … damn it. "And you never will."

"Promise?"

"Promise," and with that he walked out the door.

Shit … he really loves me too, doesn't he.

* * *

It didn't take me long to clean the house, never does really. I made Joel's bed, gathered up our laundry and started a load, also scrubbed the dishes in the kitchen. I really wish we could fix that dishwasher, no parts.

I thought long and hard about giving Joel back his shirt for like a whole ten seconds; yea screw it, mine now. I also considered making my bed, which took less time then the shirt. I'll worry about making later. Just like every other day.

So … yeah time to make my way over to Abby's place. After checking my own pistol and ammo, and my switchblade; I headed over to the trading post. Along the way, I called out greeting to several of my neighbors, receiving them back. Slowly, very slowly, the people around town were getting used to me and Joel, well mostly me.

They are already friendly with Joel, and I know how open and friendly he can be with strangers. When we first got here, they wouldn't even try to hid their suspicion of me, just staring at us as we walked around town.

Sure, okay, maybe because we still carry our pistols openly. We aren't crazy, you know, we just like to be prepared. 9mm … don't leave home without it. And most of the adults, especially those of us who work the line or hunt, carry guns on us at all times.

Maybe it is that look in our eyes? We try to be friendly, well I do anyways, but Tommy and Maria both have said sometimes, and it's not like I mean it, but they say that my eyes get … scary looking. Especially when, you know, I am meeting someone for the first time and trying to see if they were a threat.

However, I know it was mostly because they keep expecting me to start freaking out and biting people. My immunity wasn't well received nor appreciated at first. At the town meeting, where Maria and Tommy let them know about my so-called 'special condition', there were three main reactions. One was lead by that priest guy, the one who smiles too much, totally creepy guy; saying I was a sign from God that He still loved his children. Yeah sure; whatever.

There was also the camp that believed I should be killed and burned, not necessary in that order. Joel's facial expression really help but the brakes on that idea. A majority of those there were … undecided if I read them correctly. They were willing to wait and see but they didn't look like they would be surprise if I got burned. Then there was that one fat guy in the back that wanted to know why there was no cake or refreshments.

We … it wasn't the openly hostile stares that got me or the ones who seem to see me as some sign from that father figure in the sky. Those people aren't new to me, frankly don't care that much.

No, the ones who look at me … and … I can see the wheels turning in their heads and they are wondering 'what makes her more special then my daughter/son/father/mother/sibling?'

Those stares … I really …

Yea, well … anyways. Kevin, or 'grandpa' as he insisted I call him; told me that one benefit of having me work the line was to have the town see me more as an asset then a threat. I had my doubts at first, I didn't say anything since Joel seem to respect the older man's opinion; lets be honest here, Joel doesn't really show respect to anyone other then me. So when you met someone who Joel respects, you damn well better respect him as well. There is a reason for it, even if it is not apparent at the time.

And wouldn't you know it, damn if he wasn't right. In the month that I have worked the line, done a few official scavenging runs and brought back several bucks, using my trusty bow; some of them were really starting to warm up to me. Some even wave hi to me before I wave to them.

Who knows, maybe this time next year, they will stop me in the street to chew the fat or tell me about their kids or … invite me over for drinks or something. Wouldn't that be something, uh?

Or maybe … you know … Joel isn't afraid to …they … they shouldn't be afraid to …. just you know, … shake my hand or … you know … a high five … or … give me … a … simple ...

You know what, Fuck it! The Cleveland Browns have a better chance of winning the Super Bowl then … Joel gives me all the fucking hugs I need; Joel is all I need. No sense on wishing for the impossible, right? Fucking A right!

The Trade Post was in an old dinner located by the East Line, closer to the center of town then our home, which was closer to the forest. Abby runs the place; with her husband, Earl, who does all the butchering and tanning for the town.

Abby is the middle person, as Joel explained it to me; she takes whatever you wish to trade and assigned a unit of credit to that item. You can haggle with her if you feel the credit was too small or even walk away from the trade if you chose, she didn't take it personally. She then recorded the amount of credit you received and you use that amount to buy things from her, again haggling is okay and you didn't have to buy anything, credits last as long as the town did.

Also, if you wanted to trade with someone else in a private trade, she would be willing to help, for a small fee, of course.

No one really understands how she does it either, even Maria uses vague terms when she tried to explain it to me. Supposedly, Abby use to work for something called the IRS … not sure what that was,other then it was from the 'old time'. I also know Joel use the same tone of voice that he normally reserves for Bloaters whenever he says that name. It was there she learned how to do accounting work, knowing the value of something … Tommy also said she learned how to pull toenails out and make grown men cry by looking at them. Joel was amused by that, Maria … not so much.

Abby showed me what she estimated as to the value of the entire haul. The MRE, salt, pepper, tins of smokeless black power, explosives, and clothing we recovered were already divided among the town and us. Joel made sure that our share of the clothing went to the other three. Guess he heard me when I said I couldn't … wouldn't … take any of the clothes. Tommy took all of the military grade weapons, ammo and gear, as well as the machine to do reloads, as repayment for the twenty guards and workers as well as for the tools we used.

Fair; plus I know that chances are Joel and I will get to use them more then anyone else besides Steven and his wife, thus providing better protection for the whole town.

I also asked her to add 20 credit units to Shawn's personal account. He might be a major asshole but he did follow my directions and he did stay with me even thought I could tell he wanted to bolt. He showed balls, so he should be rewarded.

As I continued to scan the list, I hid a smirk; that my Joel. He, somehow, convince the boys that they had a great deal. As far as trade value is concern, they did have the larger portion of the haul. However, when you look at the practicality of what we use to protect ourselves, feed ourselves, and the leather we clothe ourselves with, we made out like … er bandits? Got to come up with another phrase.

"There are some other miscellaneous items that I haven't had an opportunity as of yet to itemize," the Bill-size, older then dirt, woman said as she adjusted her glasses. "However, your father and those other three gentlemen had reach an agreement that along with the seven boxes of arrows you recover, you should have solo ownership of said items."

"Which are?" I said not letting my irritation show thru.

Joel is my best friend, my partner, he is a lot of things, hell once in a while I think I would kill to have a dad like him, maybe, but he is not my father. Only Sarah gets to have that honor … that joy of calling Joel … dad. Maybe all that fat is plugging up her ears since we both have explain it to her numerous times.

"Those three younger gentlemen were able to secure the necessary containers in which to secure you collection since it is both large in number and weight. I have allowed storage of said items, for a credit per day, until you have come to a decision as to your finial disposition of said items."

"Which are," I repeated. Seriously, does she really think she sounds impressive using so many words to say nothing at all.

"I have them right over here in my overflow area, if you'd walk this way."

Pftt, what a loaded statement. I really had to bite down on my smart ass desire not to walk exactly like she was, not that I could wobble as much as she did.

She led me behind the counter and through what had once been a kitchen and thru another door to a section that had once been full of tables and happy patrons in a world long dead. Now there were just shelves, boxes and a couple booths … with more boxes.

"These twenty boxes," she said pointing to the boxes sitting on the floor in one of the booths. Damn, I have twenty boxes … I am so rich; again, really hard not to be myself right now. "I have a list of all the items in said boxes as well as initials of your father stating that all the boxes were sealed by him after he check the contents. Along the tape, you will find his initials on the tape as well. To insure that what is in the boxes are, in fact, the same as when he pack them."

"Okay," I said as she handed my the list … oh.

Oh, they were the books that I found in the vault. That all it was as I flipped through the inventory list, hundreds of books, ring binders with CD-Rom disks, pamphlets and computer printouts, and magazine from the past. Just books, damn Joel; he really is … fuck! He really does get me, doesn't he.

I excitedly started signing the forms she had.

"Excuse me, Miss. Ellie. Procedure requires you to verified the seals on said contents before you may sign showing the seals are in fact, intact."

Play nice. Play nice.

"And please sign all three copies," she said after I check the tape on all twenty boxes. Only then she smiled and told me to take my time as she left me alone with my treasure.


	7. Guardian of Future Protector of the Pas

Guardian of Future

Protector of the Past

Summer + 6 weeks

"Behold, the Queen of all; surrounded by her loyal subject," the voice snapped me out of my reading. My hand, automatically went to my holster as I tuned my head towards the threat. Slowly I let myself relax as Kevin walked across the room towards my treasure. "When Tommy told me what you found down there, well I could hardly believe it myself." He poked at one of the many boxes of books, bring one up with a smile of wonderment while reading the spine. "Ah, a complete collection of Charles Dickens, you my dear lady will enjoy those stories, especially 'A Christmas Carol'." He sat down on the other seat across from me as I readjusted my own seating position. "I think you will be especially moved by the theme of that story. So my dear, what do you think of all this?"

"It is an extensive collection," I said with a sigh. "with a way too high of a price paid to protect it." When Kevin made a grunt, I held up the book I was currently reading. I read him the non-existing title, "'The diary of Debbie Smith'."

"Please Ellie," he said softly closing his eyes.

"What kind of fu … idiot locks his children in a vault that has no access to the open it from the inside."

"I'm sure he had some way to ..."

"If he did, he didn't bother telling Debbie!" I held up the book again, my hand was shaking slightly. "I been reading her life, at least her life since she was ten till she died at fourteen. I been hoping to find something … some clue to explain this all."

"Don't torture yourself ..."

"I'd hope to find out he was some sick monster who beat her relentlessly, or refuse to feed her or her brother or forced her to … to … do other things. But there is nothing, all I keep reading is page after page of how she loved her family, the trips they'd take, the simple gatherings around a campfire and singing songs." Kevin motion me to hand him the book, I did as I finished my thoughts, "Even at the end, she writes how she prayed every chance she got that her mom and dad are safe in heaven, that God would watch out for them and her brother." Shit, I'm crying again. Damn it!

"'God will forgive daddy and mommy, for I know that something terrible had to happen to keep them away for so long. I have plan now, I know it is wrong, I know it is sin, but I have no choice. Bo deserve to be in heaven with them, he misses them terribly. Maybe one day, maybe one day someone will find him, and maybe he can be buried with mom and dad, maybe one day someone can morn his passing. I ask for none, since I deserve none.'" Kevin read from the last page, I knew because that page is the one I somehow keep rereading myself. "How many tears have you shed this morning not only Bo but Debbie as well?"

"Too many," I whisper and sniffing, "not enough."

"It does you well that you can find it in your heart to mourn the loss of someone who has been dead longer then you have been alive, Ellie. However, I must implore you to let it go ...", I let out a half laugh half snort as I looked away. "You must Ellie, no good will come from you torturing yourself with this."

"Now you sound like Joel," I said looking at the fade wall paper beside me. "He's always telling me to forget it, let it go; don't waste time on what had happened but keep my mind on here and now. I can't, somethings need to be remembered, some people are too important to just forget."

"Ordinarily, I would agree with you," he said placing the book back in my lap. I turned my head just enough see him out of the corner of my eye. "In this special case, Joel is correct. What happened was a terrible accident that can never be repaired. What happened to her parents, what kept them from returning to rescue their children from that horrible … we will never know, Ellie. Even if we did, nothing can change; there is no lesson to be learned here."

"I just can't, I mean Joel wouldn't … two months," I let out a sigh, shaking my head slowly.

"Those early days were horrific Ellie," Kevin said quietly. "Our entire world, everything we knew and trusted destroyed literally in front of our eyes. Whole families … Maria and I, we ..." I turned my whole body towards the old man of the village. I never knew, Maria and Kevin talk so little about what they had did before they gathered other to move here, that I never knew that they too had the 'hesitation'. "We were in Omaha; we had high hopes that the government could keep us safe. Our boys and girls serving the country where being flown home from around the world, back then our military wasn't like it is today. Our boys and girls in uniform, they weren't there to conquer others, to subjugate others; they defended, they threw themselves into harms way so we civilians didn't have fear for our lives or our loved ones. Few trusted others whom they didn't know personally, fewer trust the government, no one trusted Congress," he said with a snort. "But our military," he wore a huge smile and wage his finger at me, "our military many trusted them."

"Who did you lose that night," I asked before I could stop myself. How does that foot taste, Ellie? "Sorry, I … I shouldn't be so rude, I know better."

"No, no it is alright," he said with a quizzical expression on his face. "How do you know I lost someone. You know that Maria's mother died a year before the Outbreak."

"You hesitated," I said looking at the foot I just shoved in to my mouth. Damn it, I can feel my checks burning as well. Great, like I can hid a blush, not! "I notice that … well, when someone is talking about their past and they hesitate, usually means they are thinking about someone who died."

"You are a very perceptive young lady," he said with a chuckle. "Remind me never to play poker with you." I gave him a small smile in return, as a thank you for the compliment as my checks got hotter. He lost his smile as he told me about that night. "As to answer your inquiry, there were four of us in Omaha that night. We were near the bus station, waiting on word as to where we were to go to next. A bus coming in from a small town to the North had a few infected on board, they didn't know it until it was too late."

He got a far away look, the same that everyone who lived those very early days get when they remembered. It broke my heart when I saw it in his eyes, as much as it did to see it in Joel's eyes.

"The bus crashed, the infected charged out of the bus, people panic … back in the early days, the news people on TV said riots were breaking out all over the country. They didn't understand, we couldn't allow ourselves to see the truth; those weren't riots, people were not going around destroying things to make a statement. It was pure and simple primal fear; people fear so much that they became mobs with only one desire. That desire that still haunts us today, they wanted to save themselves and only themselves, and to the devil with everyone else. I was no different."

Kevin became so quiet for a while, I could see how much this was killing him to recount what happened that night. Feeling helpless as I always do, I waited for him to continue. "We got separated in our rush to flee, I wanted to go back and find the other two but I had Maria with me. I had to save someone … I had to chose … so I lied to myself. The other two were older, one was 17, the other 18, Maria was just 15 years old, I thought. The other two can make it own their own, I told myself over and over again, they were strong and smart, they can do it but Maria was just a helpless, young girl. She need me more, she had to be saved. We … we never saw her brothers again."

"Oh fuck," I whispered out. "Grandpa, I am so sorry … I didn't know … I … can't imagine ..." I ran out of words. I fucking hate it when I can't find the words to make someones hurt go away. I got up to offer him a hug, a touch on the arm, but he jerk back as I reached out. Without a word, I slowly sat back down till he relaxed enough to go on.

"That is why we, Maria and I, work so hard to re-build Jackson; to make it somewhere safe. To make it somewhere that children never have to discover the pain we all lived through these past twenty years." He let out a sigh and looked up at me. "I pray every night that you and the other children never have to learn what it is like to make a choice like that, ever." He then looked stronger, I saw it in his eyes, he found some inter-strength, his eye screamed of the hope he now possessed. Like Joel did every time he need to save me or fight off the infected. "And I also get on my knees every night thanking my merciful God for guiding Joel back to Jackson. I thank God that He allowed you to come here as well. Because you Ellie, you my young hero, is the cure for what ails mankind. You are the hope of the future."

"No, no I'm not, Kevin. We told you, Joel has told you; there is no cure," I said nervously, not sure where he was going with this; "I know that everyone keeps wishing there was one but Joel has told us that even the Fireflies stop looking for the cure."

"That is because they were looking in the wrong place Ellie. The cure to save man kind is not in your blood. It is in here," he tapped his chest above his heart. "It is why the Fireflies faltered, why the government failed, it is why we collapsed so quickly." He told a breath and held it as if to gather his thoughts. "Even before the Outbreak, we were actively planting the seeds of our own destruction. We forgot to see people as friends and neighbors; they became objects. They were little bits of information on a screen, those people who lived next to us that we waved too as we went on with our own lives. We only interacted with them when we felt like it and toss them aside when we need them no longer. We forgot how to be human, Ellie. Then during the Outbreak, some in and out of the our government and others as well, try to use the crisis to their own advantage, to use it to eliminate old enemies or gain control. Those actions just fueled the chaos around us. Ellie, as a species; we all lost our minds and now we have a planet full of crazy people who are too afraid to try anything different. Who forgot how to do anything differently."

"Maria, Tommy and I gathered as many people as we could, ones who we knew in our hearts, that would be willing to fight for our future, to return to the sanity we all once knew. Here in this valley out in the middle of nowhere, we could find our peace, our children could grow up safe and the outside world could go on without us." Kevin then barked out a laugh, "Then one day, a grizzly old man and a spunky young redhead came into our lives and turmoil return. A good kind of turmoil I will add. A girl with an insatiable appetite to know … everything. Every question that was answered brought on fifteen more, every story she shared of her exploits showed what two people who greatly care about each other could accomplish. Children began pestering their parents about life outside this valley, about life in that other world we called the past; they envy you, Ellie. You did things that they could never dream of doing."

"I wouldn't say it was a fun and games like they may think, but ..." I stopped to make sure what I wanted to say was what I needed to say. "I won't say that it wasn't all bad either. I wouldn't trade those times traveling with Joel for anything." I won't trade Joel for anything.

"No, and you should treasure those memories! The best of us thought out history had stories filled with horror and adversity but the rewards were beyond your wildest dreams. And like I had hoped when you began to take a more active role in our little world; you have become an excellent role mode for not only the children but many of the adults." He paused, his face growing sad, "Even as many of us shunned you, you still had a smile and wave for us. You asked your questions, you listened intently to the answered, you made that person whom you were talking with feel as if nothing else mattered to you except the them. You treated just about everyone with respect. Even as many of us couldn't … wouldn't … show you the same courtesy."

"You showed us what it is to be human again, Ellie, you are what we all hope to be again one day." He gave me another smile, "That is why I would say you are the guarding of the future, you and the other children are the future we all desperately want to see. And you are the bright light leading us to that future." He then pulled out the same book that he had read earlier, "but the future also needs to know the past. There is an old saying, 'those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.' Ellie, whether or not we ever find a vaccine for the Plague or if there are more like you then we know out there; it is useless if we do not stop our free fall into insanity. Hope will provide us with a future … knowledge will secure it. What do you plan on doing with your collection?"

"Um, I am going to keep it," I answered while wondering at the change of direction this conversation took. "There are so many different types of material here, it will keep me happily entertained for a long time." Then I stopped remembering some of the kinds of books I had, "but … there are some medical text that Debbie's dad had, I was thinking of giving them to Andy. He is always looking for more ideas on how to treat people."

"I am sure he will pay you handsomely for such books."

"No, I couldn't charge him. He is the town doctor, what he gets out of those books will help everyone." I gave him a look that told him that he better no argue with me. I know Joel wouldn't disagree with me. He would just say that they were mine and I could do as I wish, plus what Andy knows could save that old goat's life one day; that alone would be worth more to me then all the books in the world. "Something are more important then credits."

"I see," he said with a grin. "And what if you knew a man wanted to read to his children one night, to share with them a tale of Christmas." He held up the book he had gotten earlier.

"I'll let him borrow it," I shrugged again, what is he getting at anyways?

"You wouldn't sell it ..."

"When I was in the Boarding schools, back in Boston; they moved me around a lot. Said I was a problem child or something; so I never had much." I rolled my eyes as Kevin made a mocking 'no' face. Pftt, I know right, me a problem child, ridiculous. "There isn't much to have, I had my music and my books. Books … books help make time go by, books allowed me to forget all the shit … sorry the stuff that was going on. It seems wrong to deny someone else that opportunity."

"What if I told you I had an idea that would not only allow you to keep your collection but share it with everyone in Jackson, to be able to increase the number of books we might find laying around? We need to preserve the past Ellie, I need you to preserve the past! I need you to be a _librarian_!"

"Wow," I whispered, I'm sure my eyes were bugging out of my head … then I said the first thing that pop in my head. "What is a librarian?"

"You know what a library is?" He asked while laughing at my expression. When I nodded, he leaned forward and went on. "A librarian runs the library, making sure that the stock of books are kept in good condition, assist people in finding the books they need. However, I need more from you, I need you to gather books from town and outside the Line; to get all that you can and try to restore what can be salvaged. Of course, you will have help. I will have Steven and the rest of our little family remind people when they are out hunting or gathering supplies to keep an eye out for books, magazine and such. That way we can give you a larger collection, the people in this town have a place to come to read or find a book. The children can see the love and joy of reading from the best example I know of anywhere in the world."

"Now," he said clasping his hands together. "I can get you a building, and get it remolded for you. And that is all I can promise you, I won't be able to fund it, can't provide you any kind of salary, you will still have your duties on the Line and hunting, won't be able to force others to help collecting books, can't promise that anyone will even visit the library. But, I feel that this is a project that must be undertaken if any we have any hope for a future."

"More books," I whispered as I looked over the pile of books I had next to me. Okay, so I kind of focus on what I want to hear, maybe. Still, I remember seeing all those books stores as we travel through the country, all those book exposed to the elements, the sad feeling I had knowing I didn't have enough room to carry them with me. I thought about how excited I was when I learn to read, how it made me feel less lonely when I was in the Boarding schools in Boston when everyone else ignored me. I thought of Debbie and Bo; who spend their last days on Earth simply enjoy the labor of love their father had gathered. Like Kevin, their father also knew the importance of a book … of all the things he packed away to insure his family survive, survive of all he held dear; he horded books. "I'll have to talk to Joel about it; but I think he will be happy to let me do this, he is always going on I need to do more then punch my bag. There is one condition, although."

"Uh okay," Kevin asked sounding and looking confuse.

"We name it the 'Smith Family' library."

"Appropriate," he said nodding as he stood up, and headed out the door. "Come see me in the morning if Joel doesn't doesn't mind. In fact, bring him along, he can help us chose a building."

I let my eyes wonder over my treasure again. Fear me evil doiers, I am L; I'm the librarian.


	8. Perfect Picnic

Perfect Picnic

Part One

Autumn +4 weeks

I looked left, seeing my main receiver open, Joel had at least a step, maybe a step and half, lead against the younger Jimmy before he jinked back right. Joel still had it, I thought as I threw the ball towards him. A perfect spiral that landed right in his hands, grinning I watch as Joel turned up field to make the game winning touchdown, I really thought he was going to make it … until I saw the collision. Jimmy wasn't even close to catching him but damn it if Shawn came out of nowhere to tackle Joel. The impact, on Joel's inured side, was enough to knock the ball lose from Joel's grip. He went down on the ground while Shawn scooped up the ball and began running back the other direction.

"Oh, come on ref; that was totally bullshit," a youngish female voice came floating in from the sidelines. Followed closely by several older ladies screaming out the offenders name.

I glance to the side, to see my wife and my … sister in law? … new niece? … Ellie arguing on the sideline with a couple ladies, a few whom I knew had less then delightful things to say about Ellie. Well, Ellie was arguing while Maria was trying to placate everyone. Nothing new then. I then looked down field to see that annoying pimple dancing around the end zone, holding out the ball as if was some kind of trophy.

Shit, he is going to be even harder to live with now.

Joel walked over to me, holding his side and breathing hard as if he was an old man. Yeah, well, he was and so was I.

"You just had to keep pushing the whole football thing didn't you," I asked in mocking tones.

"Sounded like a good idea at the time," Joel, still trying to catch his breath, shrugged his shoulders as the gaggle of younger men jog by them.

"Hey thanks for the game, old timers," Shawn said tossing me the ball as he sprinted by us towards the waiting feast that Bruce and others were cooking for the town.

"I'm gonna shot that boy one day," Joel said darkly and hopefully, in joking tone.

"Hey 2x4, you see the way I laid out your old man," the walking dead man shouted as Maria, dressed in her normal jeans, sweater and leather jacket, somehow looking like a million bucks without trying and Ellie, wearing a Longhorn hoodie four sizes too big for her and bib coveralls, walked past him towards us. Where they found a Longhorn hoodie in Wyoming is beyond me.

"Yeah, fuck you Shawn," she snapped back.

"That is if Ellie doesn't beat me too it."

I really wish I could tell if he was joking or not. Once upon a time, I could tell what Joel was thinking without even trying but Joel and I, we have changed a lot since that Day happened. Some of it good, like Maria for me and Ellie for him, some of it so bad that still give me nightmares even after all these years. I ain't a religious man like Maria or her dad but I do thank God every day for bring me to her.

"Hey," I said wrapping one arm around her as she stood beside me. She gave me that bright smile that made me feel warm even on this chilly fall day.

"Joel," Ellie said standing in front of him, letting Joel's backpack fall to the ground beside her.

"I am good," he respond without looking at her. She just stood there, not moving till he let out a sigh in defeat. Without another word, he lift his shirt enough for her to see his old wound.

"I didn't spend all those weeks patching you up so you could lose to that dick, you know," the fifteen year old red head snorted out once she was satisfied with what she saw.

"It's not like I wanted him to win," Joel said tucking in his shirt as she moved to his side as well.

"I know," she said with a grimace, as she slung the backpack over her right shoulder and wrapping the other one around Joel. "Still, he is going to be an insufferable prick for weeks now."

"What do you mean 'going to be'," Maria said letting out her own noise of annoyance.

The four of us headed over to the picnic area had been set up near what had been the local school house when Jackson's children learn things before that Day happened. Maria and I still haven't come to any conclusion as what to do with that building. It was beginning to fall apart by the time we all arrived in Jackson and it ain't going to get any better any time soon. But for now, it had a field big enough to play a nice, friendly, game of football and enough space for a harvest picnic, to celebrate another good year in the greenhouses and stables. We won't starve this winter, even if our hunters don't do well. Since Joel and Ellie started hunting for us, we don't have to worry on that account either.

"I'm sure that once he gets old enough to work the line, he will shape up," Joel said not sounding very convincingly either.

"Maria, please tell me you'll assign me to the plant on the days he is working as a guard." Ellie said with a very adult sounding sigh, "I'll hate to get shot by Shawn because some chipmunk scared him."

"We'll see," Maria snorted out a laugh. "But unlike you; Shawn, Jimmy and the others will have to have some training by Steven and his wife before they will be allow to stand watch."

"At least I won't have to teach them how to swim," Joel said deadpan as Ellie slapped his shoulder.

"Hey, I learned finally! You could have told me that the kids around here already knew how to swim."

"And miss that expression on your face when you saw Shawn doing something you couldn't, not on your life."

"Pftt, whatever!"

"See Ellie, even an overblown little prick has some uses," I ribbed as her fair skin redden. She muttered something, not sure but it sounded like 'bullshit'. I couldn't help but exchange grins with Maria.

Ellie's … colorful … expressions is causing some strife with certain members of Jackson's more religious persuasion. And as it is, with Maria and I being the leaders of Jackson, we should not be encouraging a teenager's bad habit, but she does it so … naturally funny ... it is hard not to laugh with her. As with many things about Ellie, she has just a sweetness to her that makes it hard not to like her. It's no wonder that Joel got as attached to her as he did.

Then again; the stories they tell, the fights she describes, her excellent use of her bow as well as with firearms … she would not bat an eye if she had to kill you. Hell, she might even smile sweetly to you as she ripped open your gut with her teeth.

One thing about her that keeps Maria and I both awake at nights, how attached Joel is to her. We fear what would happen if anyone tried to harm her or, God forbid, actually killed her. Joel has made it no secret what he would do … what he has done … to protect Ellie. The other side of the coin, what would happen if someone tried to harm or killed Joel? Ellie, without Joel, is a scary thing to imagine.

"Here, why don't you two over grown boys sit down and take it easy, Ellie and I will get you some food." Maria said as we reached an open picnic table near the edge of the field.

"I can get my own food," Joel stubbornly said as Ellie dropped the bag on the table. From the thump it made as it landed it sounded heavy. Joel wasn't carry a pistol, at least he hadn't when they arrived here even though Ellie had hers in her holster. So mostly likely the bag had his in it along with his holster … plus other things I probably don't want to know about.

"Joel," Ellie said gently, laying a hand on his arm. "You just got your ass handed to you by a kid almost 30 years younger then you, and that's okay. Everyone knows you are still a big, tough, meanie; they all know you are just having an off day, so sit down and relax. Spend time shooting the shit with Tommy without half the town trying to interrupt every couple seconds."

"Ellie."

"Joel."

It's a bit weird sometimes watching those two communicate without using any words. Actually, it is down right fucking creepy. They just say each others names and it is like they have an entire conversation.

"Fine, but no hotdogs; I really don't want to think about what they put in there," Joel said easing himself down on the bench across from me. "And bring me something real to drink, none of that tea stuff."

"Roger Dodger," Ellie smiled as she turn to follow Maria to the long food line.

"That is some gal you found there, Joel," I said with a grin and not for the first time since I met her last fall.

"You have no idea," Joel said with a short bark of laughter. He then blew out a big breath, "Damn, when did I get so old?"

"Feeling your age finally."

"Not as much as I'm going to in the morning," Joel laugh again. "Hopefully, I'll be able to pull myself out of my bed before Ellie comes in to check on me or I'll never hear the end of it."

"You guys have separate rooms," I asked as casually as I could. Joel nodded, not catching my tone at all. "She sleeping better?"

"Some," Joel said but clammed up as one of the town folk walked up to our table.

"Afternoon Tommy, Joel;" I greeted him back, hoping I didn't let my annoyance show. I swear if he starts on about his neighbors …

"Tommy, what are you going to do about Hank and those dogs of his? I am tired of having my roses bushes that my wife and I spend weeks planting, defaced by those managing mutts doing their business in them."

"I have talked to him already, James. I even went out to his house to inspect that fence he as them pen in; are you sure that they are his dogs getting in there?"

"Whose else has dogs that run wild like his? Or have those … children … who are just as untrained as them dogs. My wife and I work hard all day, we don't appreciate having those ruffians playing in our yard while we are trying to enjoy our home." James said getting more excited by the moment while my headache I though I got rid of earlier was returning and in full force. "It wouldn't surprise me if Hank had his offspring deliberately release those hounds while we are at work to defile our beautiful home."

"I'll talk to him again this week, I promise," I said, hoping this windbag would shut up. I didn't know when I married Maria I would become a headmaster of a town size kindergarten. Maria giggled and smiled brightly when I told her that the first time. Reminding me that it would be good practice when we have our own children.

"I could solve this problem if you would just let me ..."

"James, no. You know how Kevin feels about those privacy fences," I remind him for the fifty time. "If you want to put up a small three or four foot chain link fence, that is okay with us. But a seven foot high privacy fence is not permitted. Kevin says, and Maria and I agree, those fences are part of the problem from the Old Days. We start letting people put them up and soon we lose our connections with our neighbors."

"But I should be able to enjoy my back yard as well," James whined.

"I ain't say you are wrong. I'm just reminding you why we can't let you put up that kind of fence. Let me try again with Hank, see if we can't solve it another way." We went around for a few more minutes before he finally agreed to my terms and left me the hell alone. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I heard Joel chuckling under his breath.

"If he want privacy so badly, he should move out to our neighborhood. I swear Ellie and I are the only ones who live on our block."

"That is because you two are the only ones who want to live that close to the forest," I remind him with a raised eyebrow.

"We like peace and quiet," Joel shrugged nonchalantly.

"So," I said after a pause, "Ellie is sleeping better?"

* * *

"Some," Ellie said as we worked our way down to the food line. The spunky red head keep her voice lower so as to discourage anyone for listening in on our girl talk. "He has been getting better since I finally learn to swim well enough not to drown. Still, that first night I was at the plant and he was home; when I got home in the morning, I peeked in his room before going to mine. There he was sound asleep in his bed, fully dressed and shoes on, with his backpack and rifle on the ground next to his bed, ready to leave if I needed him." Ellie looked up at me as I brushed back a strand of my dirty blond hair. Her eyes reflected the amusement and love in her voice for the man who was her … father? … husband? ...Best friend? "He was so cute, I didn't have the heart to wake him, well not without making him some breakfast first."

"And of course, if I asked him about it he would totally denied it ever happen."

"Pftt, totally. Joel like people to think he is this big, strong, mean, bear of a man when in reality he is a just a big, old, soft, cuddly teddy bear."

"I'm sure," I laugh with that imagine in my head. That was how I picture Joel most of the time anyways. Yes, he was big, yes he has killed to protect and yes he can be cold heart most of the time. However, when it came to his partner in crime, he was a big old teddy bear with a big red bow tie around his neck. I started snickering again as that image refuse to leave my head.

"What?" Ellie asked in amused tone and her ever present mischievous smile on her face.

"I'm just picturing Joel wearing a bear suit with a big shinny red bow tie around his neck."

"Oh man, I could die happy if I ever saw that," she barked out a laugh that made the people around us stare.

As we got in line, I quickly sober. Yes; with Ellie, Joel was a teddy bear. From the stories Tommy was willing to share about his brother, from what Joel has admitted to with the Fireflies; that soft teddy bear would become a ferocious grizzly bear if anyone hurts Ellie. I have no doubt what so ever, that anyone who hurts, or God forbid, kills Ellie would be killed without mercy as would anyone who tried to stop him. And that includes not only me but Tommy as well.

The second scary thought was Ellie herself, from what Joel and she had told us what she had done to those cannibals in Colorado, especially their leader, left no question in my mind that she would be just as deadly, just as unmerciful as Joel, if anyone hurt him.

Fortunately, just about everyone in town seems to get the idea without us having to explain it to them or knowing the details. The downside, of course there is always a down side, that meant that all the complaints about him and her, mostly about Ellie, came to either Tommy or me. No one else is brave enough to voice their concerns to them directly.

"Maria, L; how you girls doing, on this beautiful afternoon." Bruce said from behind the table, his shirt splattered with BBQ sauce, wearing a paper chief's hat no doubt made for him by his granddaughter and a smile as big as the outdoors.

"Hey Bruce, whats cooking," Ellie said picking up a tray and looking over the selection of food in front of her.

"You, my young friend, is about to have your taste buds thinking they had died and gone to heaven. You ever have good old fashion American BBQ chicken before?"

"Oh yeah, we had cook outs every night in Boston," she said rolling her eyes and grinning.

"Not like this you haven't; I have here chicken so tender it will melt in your mouth. You won't even have to chew it. Ribs so juicy, you will want to lick the juice off your shirt and hamburgers … girl, you ever have a real hamburger?"

"Um, yeah," Ellie said sounding unsure.

"I ain't talking about them soy wanna be burgers, I am talking … wait, let me show you." Bruce turn around and grab a bun, took a burger off the grill with cheese already melt on it and showed it to Ellie. "Now that is a burger, my spunky friend."

I hid smile as her eyes grew big, it was easily twice the size of any burgers she has seen in her life I bet. Bruce was right, man has tried to imitate the taste of real beef for years but never got it right. I grew up in Nebraska, we had cook outs all the time before that Day, so I know what Bruce was getting at; it was going to be a real treat for her to taste real cow meat for the first time.

"That … that is a hamburger?"

"You bet your lucky stars," Bruce said proudly. "Don't forget to get some lettuces and tomatoes and onions on that bad boy. I swear if you ain't in church next Sunday on your knees thanking God for this here burger, I'll eat my hat." Ellie solemnly nodded her head as Bruce picked up a blue plate to put the burger on.

Oh goody, I get an extra helping of guilt with my meal.

I caught just a glimmer, it came and gone so quickly that I am sure Bruce never saw it but I did.

I wanted to hug Ellie until the pain I saw flash in her eyes left her for good … but … . She was back to her smiling self as quickly as a roadrunner in the desert.

Bruce turn back around and put Ellie's plate on her tray, he had trouble meeting her eyes as well. He knew what it was like, he was a black man who was old enough to remember. Best damn thing, the only good thing, about that Day, all that stupid stuff died along with half the population. We had none of that prejudice crap here, we were all equal; everyone! There are no second class citizens here in Jackson.

And as I stood next to Ellie, I realize, for the first time, just how good we all are at lying to ourselves.

"Now your menfolk, they good men; don't get me wrong. But those Texans act like they know BBQ, let me tell you, they don't know jack. Now me, I grew up in Kansas City, and there we knew how to BBQ." He picked up an ordinary white plate and laid down some chicken and ribs and set them on her tray. "You watch him eat, if he ain't kneeling next to you on Sunday, I'll eat my hat twice."

"You're on," Ellie giggled as she moved down the line.

Bruce grabbed two more white plates, piling one high with pork ribs and chicken and the other one a more modest helpings while going on about the virtues of Kansas City BBQ over them 'upstarts in Texas' as he called them. When he put my plates on my tray, his broad shoulders seem to wilt a bit as he let out a breath.

"Ain't right, the way we treat her," he whispered out. I reached out to touch his hand as he let out a sigh. "Go on you're … you're holding up the line." His smile that I saw lack anything close to humor as he turn to the person behind me to greet them. Then he suddenly turned back and yelled, "Oh Toni, girl make sure you give Ellie an extra large helping of gumbo too. That girl is scrawny as a scarecrow in a Siberian winter."

"You got it pop's," Toni, the last Native American left in the state, possibly in the country. The Reservation systems was murder on their citizens, literally. For some reason only God knows why, the Plague spread like wild fire, whole tribes disappeared forever within days. Toni, hadn't been in her tribal land when it hit, she had been in Montana on a trip to a family friend's ranch. She was Bruce's daughter in law, having married his son eight years ago and a happy mother of two children a boy and girl.

As I walked over, Toni was placing two bowls, one white one and a blue one overflowing with gumbo. Ellie never blinked, the smile never wavered, as she said thanks for the food. I know for a fact that Ellie hates gumbo, it was too spicy for her taste. Nevertheless, she will eat every spoonful for two reasons; one, she hates wasting any food. Ellie has stated many times that she spent way too many nights in Boston and on the road, praying to eat more then what she had been given. Starvation has a wonderful way of making you less of a picky eater. Another reason is she really liked Bruce and his family, she wouldn't dream of insulting him or his cooking.

"Bruce is right, I have seen you eat enough to choke a pig; yet you are skin and bones. Whats your secret," she laugh as she ladle some fried potatoes on her dishes.

"Pftt, I've seen pictures of women even skinnier then me … they were like sickly thin."

"Yeah, I remember those things in magazines from when I was a kid," I said getting my portion of potatoes for us two and gumbo for Tommy; for some reason I didn't get any gumbo … oh poo, poor me. "Never saw much use of being that thin back then either."

"Silly if you ask me," Ellie said as we moved further down line. "Especially, when all the porn from those days all had big boobies girls ..."

"Ellie!" I groan out as the man behind the table turn three shades red.

"What?" She asked, looking confused before turning to Bob. "Hey Bob, I need some tomatoes and lettuces for this burger."

"First real burger?"

"Yeah, I mean I have burgers in Boston ..."

"Not like this you haven't," Bob said grinning. He then pulled out a couple pickles from a jar. "You'll need these to go with that burger."

"What are these?" She said picking up one from her plate, staring at it intently. She then took a small bite; her eyes went wide as her smile. "Oh my God! I never … so crunchy and tasty!"

"See! I told you it was good. You want a couple more?"

Ellie's eyes went back and forth between me and Bob and the pickles, then in a tiny voice that reminded you that she was still a kid, "Please!"

I giggled as Bob, with a big grin, laid down four more for her as she slowly finishes eating the one she tried, clearly enjoying it.

"These are great," she said picking up the heavy tray without much effort. Joel is right about her, she was a lot strong then other girls her age. "Why haven't we had these before?"

"Well, they are actually start out as cucumbers, so we needed to grow enough of them to have some to spare as well as the vinegar to soak them in. Plus it takes time for them to get from cucumbers to pickles."

"I have to keep an eye out for these when I go to the Trading Post."

Next stop was the refreshment stand … Oh goodie gumdrops. Barbra was standing there, working the stand; looking all holier then thou.

"Good day Maria, Good day child, how are you on this fabulous afternoon that the Good Lord has bestow upon us." She said to us, her smile as insincere and fake as those porno pictures Ellie mentioned. Speaking of which, must remember to ask her where she saw those stupid things. "Can I offer you a cup of tea or lemon-aid, freshly squeezed, made it myself."

"Hey Barbra," Ellie said, her smile shifted a bit. "What kind of alcohol do you got?"

"Child, in my day; a young woman such as yourself would never address an adult by their first name."

"In your day, they hadn't invent trains yet either," Ellie said glancing around the table looking at the selection.

"Ellie," I warned as Barbra eyes flashed but her smile never wavered.

"Hey mom, hey Mrs. Wilson, whats up 2x4," Shawn said choosing the perfect moment to come over, so much for a nice peaceful day with the family. "Is your old man walking yet?"

"Hey dick," she said without any heat. "And please, butterflies have hit him harder then you."

"Shawn, Ellie; enough! You two are to stop using such vile and hateful names at each other right this instant, do you hear me."

"Give it a rest mom," Shawn rolled his eyes as Ellie pickup two mugs of beer. Shawn made a grab for one before his mom slapped his hand away. "Come on, if she can have one, why can't I?"

"She is not," Barbra said loosing her smile for the first time. She started to grab them back but stop short, her fear of Ellie's 'condition' made her pause. "Alcohol is only for adults, not children. And it should not even be available to adults. It is a vile wicked drink that begets nothing but evil!" She said that part staring directly at me. I don't have any use for alcohol myself, wish Tommy would like it less but I am not going to tell other people how to live their lives.

"Pftt, they are both for Joel; he like his beer."

"Your father should ..."

"He is not her father," both Shawn and I said at the same time.

"He is raising her, is he not? He already sets a bad enough example ..."

"He is not my father." Ellie said sharply, talking over Barbra, not an easy feat. "He is my mentor, best friend, partner in crime if you will. He looks out for me and I look out for him. And he got my ass across the country alive, so he must have been a great role model for me. And I am going to repay him for all his hard work by bring him this food and beer. And I am going to keep bring him as much beer as he wants. He will probably get drunk then he'll probably take me home, strip me down naked and beat me senseless while reading the Satanic bible ..."

"Ellie!" I shouted as Barbra was visibly shaking in rage while Shawn laugh.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have joked about that," Ellie said looking down, looking properly sorry. "That was in poor taste … we keep my clothes on, we're not perverts you know." With that she spun away quickly, losing her self in the large crowd piling up behind us, that I just notice. Giving everyone a weak smile I quickly grab two lemon-aids for Tommy and I.

"That … that is what I am warning you about Maria," Barbra hissed out. "That girl has no sense of what is proper or respectful ..."

"Maybe if you showed her some respect once in awhile mom."

"We have shown her nothing but respect and love since they came into our community ..."

"Oh yeah, right." Shawn retorted angrily. "That's why L isn't allow around kids or eats off special color plates, color plates so you guys know which one to throw away, because we all think she is so special."

I looked at Shawn in a new light, he is always going around acting like a huge dick that I didn't realize he could also be a nice guy, sticking up for a girl whom he argues with consonantly. It also didn't escape my notice that he used her nickname or he got his mom to sputter in embarrassment. Maybe Joel is right, maybe after he gets on Line for awhile he might just turn out alright.

"You are still young Shawn, you don't understand ..."

"Yeah whatever, after everything she has done for us; I don't want to understand." He turned away, not before I gave him a small nod in gratitude; which he didn't seem to know how to response to, he just awkwardly nodded back.

"I'll talk to her," I said to the still fuming Barbra and smiled an apology to those behind us. Some of the children looked confused at what had happened, some of the adults had the decency to look away in embarrassment, as I walked away and following my young friend. "Ellie!"

* * *

"Perhaps, we should speak at another time, Tommy," Linda said said suddenly as we all turned towards the food line to see Ellie walked quickly towards us and Maria chasing her down. I'm sure I don't want to know why Maria had shouted out our youngest family members name, but I was grateful for the interruption, as Linda made her self disappear. Again, Ellie was surprising me, her tray was easily more laden with food then Maria's but she appeared to have no problem carrying it.

"Here, I got you something called ribs and some chicken plus a beer," Ellie said sweetly as she laid out the food for Joel.

"Ellie, what did I tell you about drinking," Joel sighed out as she drank some from the other mug she set down.

"You had to be twenty one to drink in Texas, " she said in a very teenager way.

"And?" He ask as Maria sat down next to me with my plate of food … and cup of lemon-aid. Well, maybe I can get a beer later.

"What?" She said after taking a bite of her pickle, "We're not in Texas."

"Ellie," Maria started after taking a deep breath. "I know that she can be difficult to deal with ..."

"She is a fucking cunt."

"Ellie," Joel snap, "No one deserves to be called that, not even … who are we talking about?"

"Barbra was working the refreshment stand." Maria snapped out trying hard to glare at Ellie, who refused to wilt.

Ah, yes. Barbra, the town's religious zealot, busybody who is into everyone's business and knows everything about everyone and everything, except why it is a bad idea to piss off Ellie or Joel. That explains Ellie's and Maria's abrupt mood swings. So much for a quiet family meal.

"Okay, even Barbra might not even deserve being called that … maybe."

"She means well ..."

"She came into the library the other day, Maria! She was all like 'oh child, I hope Joel isn't violating your sense of virtue'," Ellie said in a mocking voice as Maria radio went off.

Maria held up a finger as she got up from the table to answer it. I grabbed a rib as I put in my two cents.

"She is just concern since, you know, no one really understands your relationship, including Maria and I."

"No, she is not concern; she is being rude! Maria and you; when you guys are concern, you ask questions, you listen to what we say, think about what we say and try to help us. She comes into my library, acting like her shit don't stink, being condescending and asking me personal questions. It is none of her business if we are fucking or not!"

"She really ask that?" Joel said looking at Ellie.

"In so many words, yeah."

"Fucking cunt."

"Thank you!"

"Joel, please. You are not helping," I said with a sigh, while they both clinked their mugs together. That headache is coming back with a vengeance.

"So what did she say this time to set you off?" Joe asked eating his chicken.

"She was going on about how a bad influence you are since you like to drink a beer now and then. I told her, you kept me alive, you taught me how to survive; if you want to get drunk, strip me down naked while beating me senseless and reading form the Satanic Bible, it is okay with me."

"Ellie," Joel snapped, getting so angry at her that he was turning red. Or I though so until he said. "We keep your clothes on, we're not perverts."

"I corrected myself, don't worry Joel."

"Are you two having fun," Maria said angrily as she set back down.

"Yes," they both said at the same time without even looking at each other.

I do not get paid enough to deal with this stuff.


	9. Perfect Picnic part 2

Perfect Picnic

Part Two

Autumn +4 weeks

"Do you have any idea how much damage you have done with your little stunt, Ellie?" I asked her while shoving potatoes in to my mouth. I am going to enjoy my food, no matter what is going on around me. Dang it, Tommy and I deserve one nice afternoon, don't we? "You have been making great progress in getting people to accept you. In a single moment, you set yourself back months ..."

"It true, Joel," Ellie said sighing sarcastic, while leaning against his arm. Joel just rolled his eyes at her. "Imagine, I might not get the blue plate next time."

Lord give me strength, I though as Ellie returned to her gumbo grinning. Ellie's gutter mouth is hard enough for most people, myself included, to deal with since most of us have not grown up speaking vulgar with a sprinkle of English for flavoring. Her wit though, when she added that in her arguments, made her tongue was as deadly as her bow.

_"Maria?"_ my radio squawked before I could respond.

"I'll take care of it," Tommy said grabbing my radio. Walking away, I could hear him responding to Steven. "This is Tommy, Maria is eating, what can I do for you."

"Look, Ellie; this is a small community, do you understand? And in small communities, it is hard for others not to want to know their neighbors are up to; sadly some take it a bit too far, I will agree. Still, we want everyone to know everyone else so there a sense of kinship and they feel the need to protect everyone else."

"I understand that Maria," jerking her thumb at Joel who was silently eating his food. "That is why he drags me kicking and screaming to church every Sunday morning. He wants me to be seen being all neighborly as possible. Okay, I get it; and maybe I might even admit that sometimes, maybe, it isn't so bad standing around talking to people after mass … maybe ..."

"So you're admitting I was right," Joel raised an eyebrow in anticipation.

"Pftt, you wish."

"Worth a shot."

"Steven want to let you know your dad is at the plant, dropping off the food to the guys there, they will be heading back in a hour or so." Tommy said dropping back into his seat next to me with a smile.

I grabbed his hand and returned the smile, I wish dad had stay within the Line today, well every day he was in his sixties after all. Still, he likes to make sure the men and women at the plant don't miss out on the great meals when they are assigned there during community events.

Of course, if he was here; then he could deal with these two instead of Tommy and me!

"Look, can we all be a little more serious here for a minute," I said as Ellie piled the topping on her burger.

"Nope," Ellie proclaimed as she held her burger in her hands. "First, I am going to finish eating my burger then ..."

"Cheeseburger," Joel said tipping his mug back.

"What?"

"It's a cheeseburger."

"It's a burger with a piece of cheese on it."

"Exactly."

If one of them starts going who is one first, they will both be sorry. I have no idea what I would do yet, I just know it will be bad.

"What's the difference?"

Tommy started to snicker, I squeezed his hand and shooting him a look, he does not need to encourage them right now! "Listen, Ellie, Joel; we need to focus here."

"You're the one who wants to know everything about the past. The proper name is a cheeseburger."

"Fine," she look up at the sky, letting out a sigh. "First, I am going to eat my cheeseburger, happy?"

"Peachy"

"I still don't get why everyone is making such … mm" she made the oddest noise and her eyes got bigger then I though possible. She keep making these little squeaks as she jiggled in her seat. Joel just mumble darkly while shaking his head. "What is this?" She was able to say once she finished swallowing.

"I told you it is a cheeseburger."

"I know that asshole," she slapped him in the shoulder. "What kind of meat is this? I've never tasted … it's not rat, or squirrel or anything else I've eaten! What is this?"

"It's beef," Tommy supplied, her head whipped away from Joel so fast I though she was going to snap it, staring so intently at my man it look as if her eyes were trying to pop out of her sockets. "It comes from the cows we ..."

"Those big, fat,ugly, hairy, things that just lay around all day eating and shitting? Those things produce this … this ..." Her head whipped back around to Joel even faster, "Joel!"

"No."

"Please, please ..."

"I am not getting you a cow ..."

"I'll take care of it ..."

"It won't fit in your room, we don't have anywhere else to keep it."

"Pftt, who said anything about my room, you can sleep on the couch ..."

"We already had this discussion when you found out where bacon came from ..."

"Joel, this is almost as good as bacon! Imagine it Joel, bacon in the morning … these heavenly creations at dinner … think about it, Joel!"

"Or you can have the bacon on the cheeseburger," Tommy said grinning. I hit him in the leg, hard while Joel's eye shot heat rays into his brother, by that grin neither of us had any real effect.

"You can do that," I almost didn't hear her, her voice was so tiny. And her expression, you would think she has just seen the Gates of Heaven the way her eyes were shining. Tommy was grinning like a little boy while rubbing his leg as Ellie spun back around, somehow getting her legs under her, she started bouncing and chatting, "Please, please!"

"No."

"I am the 'L'," she said holding his shoulders, "you can not resist my cuteness." She then turned her head, gave him the most adorable smile … I wanted to go 'aw' when I saw it … and I know she is trying to manipulate him. She just told us she was going to manipulate him and … still, I felt like the worst villain in the world as I explained why she couldn't get a cow.

"Ellie, I am sorry sweetheart, but we don't have enough cows yet to sell any," she turned towards me … . Oh crap, now she is pouting … she is looking even more adorable … why do I let myself get pulled in to these arguments. "Plus it takes about five to six years for a cow to get big enough to get the beef from it."

"You mean I have to wait five more years before I get another burger?"

I swear she is never getting around any children Tommy and I might have in the future, forget her medical condition; if she ever taught them how to look so sad to get their way I will have no self control left by the time they turn two. They will be spoiled rotten.

"No, no," Tommy said falling for it too. Great, I need him to be strong and he folds up faster then me. "We will be able to have another one around summer," He looked to me to confirm as I nod in agreement. Wait, why I am agreeing? She is doing this on purpose, to both of us! "Then you can have more then, I'll even make sure they have bacon too."

"Okay, I guess I can wait," she said in a sweet but sad voice. Then she slowly turn to Joel, who look unimpressed with her, so she slap his arm hard. "See, they can't resist me; why can you?"

"I'm immune," Joel said dryly while Tommy and I exchanged eye rolls.

"You're an ass," she said going back to her burger.

"So I have been told."

I just … I just … I should have … why couldn't dad be here to deal with this? I thought as I ran both hands thru my hair.

"Well, watching her eat is making me hungrier," Tommy said grabbing my plate, "you want me to get you so more?"

"No, I'm good but thank you honey," I said. He is so cute and sweet; I know I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I would be even luckier if he would try to get his sister in law? ... Niece? … His brother's annoying side kick to listen for two seconds!

"I'm still in the mood for more," Joel said getting up from Ellie's side. "You want another one?"

"Hmm, yes, please." Ellie said giving him a genuine smile. "Thank you, Joel."

"Anytime," he said, his voice didn't sound all that different to me but she started blushing and really smiling.

I don't think I will understand either one of them. But now I had an advantage, they were separated. Talking to one while their partner was around was almost impossible, especially with that Jedi Mind trick thing they do when they just say each others names. I can finally get my wayward … whatever she is … to listen to reason, which will be a hell of lot easier then talking to Joel again

"Now, Ellie I know you … um Ellie," Okay, her little groans of pleasure was making this … a bit more difficult, "Ellie, honey, could you maybe stop making those noises for a minute."

"I knew they had to be lying," she said softly with her eyes close.

"Um, excuse me?"

"Those other kids, in Boston," She said taking another bite and eating it just as slowly. "They always claimed that sex was the best thing in the world, there's no way sex could ever be this great."

"You're joking, right?"

* * *

"Um, no, I am not ..." Brett looked between Joel and Bruce with a look of incomprehension as they both stared him down.

"The Steelers? And you want me to feed you after you said that about the Steelers?" Bruce slowly shook his head.

"But … but … L found this book," the thirty year old man stuttered, he was old enough to have played midget football, he hadn't played since then until today, but was still unsure in face of the two older men. "It said the Steelers won the most Super Bowls out of all the teams."

"That doesn't mean anything," Joel said with a ghost of a grin."After all, ask anyone and they will tell you the best NFL team was, of course, The Cowboys."

"Chiefs" Bruce said.

"Patriots," we all three named different teams at the same time. Now Bruce and my brother looked at me as if I was growing a third leg out of my skull instead of Brett. "What? They were the best of the best."

"Not your fault Joel," Bruce said with a sigh as my brother hung his head, letting out a long breath. "Everyone family has one, just leave him locked in the attic like we did in Kansas City." Turning back to his grill, with a shit eating grin, he pulled some more ribs off the flames. "Here you go, now you go read about a real team …. sshess Steelers." After Brett happily moved along Bruce favored us with a smile, "So what can I get you Joel and your the half-wit brother?"

"I'll take some more ribs, they ain't so bad for someone whose not from Texas, and Ellie wants another burger, if you don't mind."

"I knew she would love that burger," Bruce laughed as he threw down another patties.

"She wants him to buy a cow," I added as Joel snorted. "and a pig too."

"Why a pig?"

"That girl would eat bacon all day long if I let her." Joel then gave me a stink eye, "and thanks for letting her know about bacon burgers. She is never gonna shut up about them now."

"Just trying to help my older brother," I said as kept a eye out for anyone walking up to us. I'm really not in the mood to hear anymore about dogs, neighbors, or any other picky little problems that people just can't get past on their own. I'm too busy now a days to be able to just stand around shooting the shit like this, three men standing around a grill talking about nothing. Twenty years ago or today, the feeling is just the same.

"You better remember to bring bacon the next time they have burgers or I ship her off to your place, let you deal with her and her damn 'I am the L, no resisting my cuteness' routine."

"Why wait," Bruce said reaching into a container in the back of his table. He pulled out two long strips of bacon already cooked. "I was going to eat a bacon burger myself but watching Ellie blow her mind would be well worth it." Joel and I started protesting as he slapped cheese on the burger and heated up the bacon. "No, no; L, she is good people, you know. L is always going out of her way to help people, so this my way of saying thanks to her. Plus, I remember those so called rations in the QZ, they keep you belly full, barely, but they tasted like crap. Man is smart but we never could replace God's own creations, there is just no replacing a good old fashion cow."

"Amen," I said as strongly as if I was in church.

"Thank you kindly, Bruce."

"You want to thank me," he jerked his thumb at me, mockingly shaking his head. "Get through to that brother of yours, … Patriots?"

"Everyone wants the impossible," Joel said with a wave as we skip the line down to the refreshments.

And now we had Pastor Ken and Barbra both standing there … fuck.

"Good day gentlemen," they both said as we walked up. "Can I interest you in some tea or lemon-aid?"

"Lemon-aid for Ellie and another beer for me."

"On your third beer already?"

Ah, and the claws are extended, Barbra really needs to take some lessons from Ellie on how to smile without making it look so fake.

"Second, I spilled one during dinner."

"I'll take the same," something told me we need to get back to the girls before …

"Speaking of young Ellie," Ken said walking over to me.

Fuck!

"I have recently learned that, during one of her expeditions with Mary-Ann and the boys, that a stash of pornographic magazines had been found in one of the motels. I have been assured that she had collected all such material before the devil could take root and poison the mind of our young people. Still, she has so far resisted turning over to me to be disposed of in a proper fashion. As well as some works of fiction that celebrate the work of the devil."

I seen a few porno in my days, hell half the internet had been porn, so it was no big deal to me … at that time. I know Joel has never really had any use for any of it but he has also never been against it either, his attitude as always been let others do what they wish. Still, since that Day; well, my views on that matter have changed, I can see now how it warped my views of women and sexuality.

"I'll talk to her, see if I can get her to listen to reason."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Joel snorted. Wait? Joel? "She has them locked up, the boys won't get a hold of themselves, plus she is going to be vigilante to make sure if they find any more she can get them before they do."

"You knew about this," Barbra screeched before I could say anything.

"Yep."

"And you approve!"

"Nope."

"You believe they should be tossed out and be destroyed?"

"Yep."

"Wonderful, wonderful news! Thank the Lord, for small favors. Pastor Ken,Tommy and you should go to her right now, and demand that she turn over that … nasty smut … so we can wash this filth from God's green earth forever!"

I really hate to see Barbra so happy, it makes me want to rethink my positions on … well everything.

"I agree, we should head over to her now, we have a chance to rebuild our way of life and we shouldn't waste this opportunity to make sure it is done right! I am sure between Maria, Tommy, you and I; we can make her understand what she needs to the right thing."

"I guess so, you ready Joel?"

"Nope."

Wait … what?

"What? You just said you don't approve of her having that disgusting trash," Barbra said her fake smile plastered on her face.

"She is preserving the past, I don't agree with it but it is her call."

"But Joel, surely you can see that there is no value in preserving such vile works that are a blight on God's world."

"She wants to learn where we went wrong, she can't do that if she only has what are positive influences. The bad mistakes matters as much as the good choices, she wants to understand the whole picture so the future doesn't make the same mistakes."

"So you do approve!" Barbra accused him, with one finger outstretched.

Joel for his part looked … bored … with everything going on. "Nope, I don't approve but it is her call."

"Surely Joel, if you would sit her down and express your disapproval with her actions; she would do as you wished." Joel snorted at that one which Ken ignored. "Young people such as Ellie, they need direction from their elders. Especially those who rebel, the more they fight the more they feel that deep need to be taken by the hand and, with caring and love, be shown the true path."

"Yeah, that just proves you don't know Ellie," Joel said picking up his beer and lemon-aid. "Secondly, we have discussed this, she present a good argument to me. Third, they will not be displayed nor check out by anyone; they are strictly for her own research. Nothing more."

"But it is wrong!" Barbra screeched out again, seriously how does Nathan deal with that voice ever day. "It's a front to God if she allows that … that … material to exist!"

"That argument might have worked before she read the US Bill of Rights, right now this burger is getting cold so ..." without so much as a nod, Joel turned away heading back to the girls.

Leaving me there to face them alone, this must be his punishment for telling Ellie about bacon burgers.

"I will go to Ken about this if I have too Tommy," Ken said frowning.

"Maria and I will talk to her," I grab my own beer and lemon-aid. "You should know without Joel support, it won't matter. I doubt even Ken would get her to change her mind."

"I would hate to see her removed from the library, she does such good work for the town but I not sure someone with her views is the proper person to run such a valuable community asset."

"Just remember, it is her library; its her books and she pays rent for the space not the other way around." I said holding on to my temper. "I am sure Ken would be happy to remind you of that fact when you talk to him. Now if you will excuse me, my wife is missing me."

"Of course, my son; may God be with you," Ken said with a smile, Barbra looked as if she want to say more but decided to follow the Pastor's lead.

Of course, I can already feel those daggers she staring at me enter my back. I walk back to the girls, not moving too quickly but fast enough to catch Joel. My brother was quietly walking as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Then again, he probably already dismissed those two and pushed it out of his head. Joel has an amazing ability to ignore anything that …

"Uh-oh," Joel mumbled as he came to a stop.

"What?" I looked at the girls, Ellie was twisted in her seat to face us, looking normal as far as I can tell but Maria had that lost look on her face, as if something just happened that she doesn't understand how it happened. Which is odd, Maria is very good with people. "What's wrong?"

"Ellie is mad."

"You sure?" I asked, she doesn't look as if she was upset, "She looks okay to me."

"Yep. Just avoid eye contact, keep your hands away from your weapon, and if I tell you to run, run like hell."

"You're joking right?"

"God, I hope so," he said as he began walking towards the table. I really don't know my brother any more. He sat down next to Ellie who just remains silent and watchful while I sit next to my wife who looks nervous and sheepish. Joel put her burger on her plate and returned her stare for about a minute before he let out a sigh. "Okay, you got me this time, what's wrong?"

"How does she know what … that … thing try to do to me last winter?" Ellie said in a very even tone as if she was discussing the weather.

"Ellie please, let me ..."

"No, no it's alright Maria," Joel said … holy shit I never knew he could speak so softly. "Honey, listen; only Maria knows not Tommy or Kevin, alright." Ellie was quiet as Joel took on of her hands in his, "and she only knows because her and I were in the kitchen talking one night after we got here before we had our home, you had one of your nightmares." Ellie looked up and let out a breath, eye closed as she nodded. "She was frighten for you, I had to tell her, I'm sorry."

"I had that … one ..."

"Yeah, I don't think you even woke up enough to know where you were … I'm sorry ..."

"No, … no its okay Joel. I … I shouldn't have … I'm sorry I jump down you throat."

"That is what I'm here for," he said as she leaned into him.

"Sorry Maria, I … shouldn't," Ellie said not looking at my wife. "I just … I hate thinking about ..."

"No, oh no, no Ellie; I'm sorry." Maria said gripping my hand under the table. Later, I will find out what's going on, and why Maria never told me but for now I will just be the strong silent type. "But you should be proud, you fought him off, he never was able to do that. Many women don't … they can't … but you did, you are so strong."

Wait?! Is Maria talking about rape? I knew that Ellie had been captured by a group of cannibal in Colorado and decimated a large part of them, and Joel, still inured, destroyed still more but no one said … fuck.

"I didn't feel very strong."

"It's my fault, I should have ..." Joel said pulling her in deeper.

"You idiot," she said softly, with a smile in her eyes. "You were supposed to be recovering, not killing assholes." Ellie said patting his arm as she pulled away. "And you never told me what made you come look for me anyways."

"Just knew it." Then Joel gave her a cockeyed grin, "Anyways, you made sure that piece of shit never hurts anyone again."

"I'll say," Maria said with a shiver then glanced at me before whispering. "Forty whacks, all to the face."

"Well, he could found you, and tried to hurt you next, I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you, Joel." She then reached across the table and grabbed my beer … wait my beer! "And no one, and I mean no one, hurts my Joel."

"Ditto," Joel then raised his glass, they both salute each other then down the beers in one shot.

"Didn't Joel talk to you about drinking, Ellie?" Especially drinking my beer, I wanted to say but Maria look of annoyance at those two stopped me.

"Yes, but we're not in Texas, Tommy. Come on, keep up here."

"Not his fault, he is a Patriots fan." Joel said sadly. Ellie made a face, cringing she gave me a weak smile.

"Isn't there something we can do for him, a group or something ..."

"Very funny," I sighed as Maria just dropped her head on the table top.

"I thought so," Ellie said giggling softly. "It's getting too serious, lets go for a walk." Grabbing her hamburger and their backpack, she pulled Joel out of his seat as he quickly finished his ribs. "Come on, you old fart, or you still wore out from losing to Shawn."

"Hold your horses," He let himself be pulled up, then followed her as she walked around the table towards the field.

I looked at Maria, her head was still on the table as she muttered to herself. I don't even know why we try anymore with those two, they can be as fluid as water, annoying as junk mail and as dangerous as a bear with a toothache trapped in a room with full of bees.

"Hey you two," Both Maria and I turn to look behind us at Ellie and Joel standing a ways back. "Come on, it's time for a family walk, lets go."

* * *

The family walk … was a good idea. Tommy and I walked quietly beside Joel and his sidekick as she did majority of the talking, which wasn't much either, as we wondered hand and hand aimlessly around town. It was fascinating watching those two, they were so … dang it, they were complete with each other. It was like looking at two separate, contrary pieces of a puzzle that somehow fit snugly together.

It was also very relaxing, especially after dad called to let me know he was home. Ellie tried to get him to come out but he told her that us kids need time alone and he would see her in the morning. I wish he would've joined us as well, but he was old and probably just want to go to bed early. It would be sunset in a hour or so, I guess.

None of the town folk bothered us either, guess walking around with Jackson most odd ball couple did have a few positives. Steven also has been quite as well, which mean no one has called on the radio, might be nice peaceful night after all.

"What, you want to check out a book," Tommy said as we came to a stop. I looked up to see that we arrived at the old county building, which housed Ellie's library as well as Andy's medical clinic.

"Nope, we are going somewhere so you guys can get whatever has been bothering you for the past couple days off your chest, without worrying about anyone interrupting." Ellie said grabbing Joel's hand and opening the door for us. "We also promise not to doge anymore questions or sidetracking you, either." I let out a snort of annoyance as I followed them through one of the stairwells heading up, I knew they were up to no good all day, annoys me that they were able to do it so successfully. "This is why I choose this building, this is where I come when Joel annoys me, or to think or to ...", she opened the door to the roof, "spend a few quiet minutes with him."

I been up here myself a few times, it was the tallest building in town, it was a great place to survey the area before we put up those towers. Now, no one comes up here except those two I guess. She led us over to the west side, and sat down against one of the old air conditioning units that we had long scavenged. Joel sat down next to her, while Tommy and I kind of just stood there, not sure what to do.

"Come on, sit down," Ellie said as she moved over to sit in Joel's lap, his arms wrapping around her protectively. "I have one request, please let me talk first, wait until I am done before you say anything; and be patient, it could take awhile."

"Sure," Tommy said as we both sat down.

And we waited, as Ellie leaned against Joel, both of them looking off to the west. Tommy and I shuffled nervously for a couple minutes waiting for her to start, I am tired and annoyed I just want to go home, but all she does is stare at …

"Oh," I said breathlessly as I stared at the sunset. The colors, the bright red and light purples of the dying light reflecting off the clouds … I forgot … I forgot how pretty the sunsets are. I felt it all melt away as Tommy wrapped his arms around me, all the annoyance I had built up recently, all the worrying about my dad, Tommy, the town … my two newest family members, all the anger at God for allowing all this to happen … it all just lifted from me. I … I can't even remember the last time I just sat and watched the sunset, it has been so long. Tommy kiss my neck as he gently rocked me, maybe … maybe he knows, maybe he is feeling the same relief … maybe we need to do this again soon. As the last of the light disappeared, I heard a small voice in the darkness.

"And that is all I have to say about that."

"Thank you," I said just as quietly, not wishing to break the mood.

"Thank you, thank you both for everything, I know Joel and I are hard to deal with sometimes but thank you … he is safe I don't have to worry anymore about him. Joel is safe, and I can't thank you enough for that."

I then … man, I was misting up … I reached out, for the first time since I met her, I reached out and pulled her into an embrace. All fears of her infection was pushed to the side as we both began crying and hugging each other.

"You don't have to thank me Ellie, that what families are for," I said.

We must have been quite the sight if anyone had seen us, four grown adults siting around hugging and crying but … you know what … that is what families are for.

"Quite the girl you have there Joel," I heard Tommy say fondly.

"You have no idea."


	10. Bear

Bear

Autumn +7 weeks

Fucking snow.

It had been snowing for a week before finally quitting last night. The shit is deep, white, the sun glaring off the ground is blinding, walking is fucking worst then climbing up stairs with a bloater crawling on your back and … damn it ... all this shit is making hunting nearly impossible … I hate snow.

I mean really fucking hate snow, should have moved to … well, Texas or Florida … somewhere warm. Joel has said he never seen snow till he left Texas, he also told me the other day he wished he could have gone somewhere with Sarah so she could have seen it once in her life. Pftt, lucky girl. I would love to be able to say I never seen snow … snow is just a bad memory waiting to happen. I hated the snow in Boston and I hate it here in Jackson.

This snow storm just remind me too much of last winter. When I almost lost the most important person in my life to a bunch of fucking inbred assholes. When I almost became dinner … when I almost lost my virginity against my will to the king of the fucking inbred assholes. When I almost lost everything.

I let that fucker off too fucking easy … he died too quickly, not suffered enough. Not suffer nearly enough.

I hope they, those who use to follow him and lived, I hope they all fucking starved to death … slowly.

"Ellie?"

I looked to my right, a small smile came to my face as I saw Joel walking a few feet to my right with that look on his face. He was giving me that look that told me he was worried about me. Yep, getting really warm around here now. Whenever he looks at me either with a smile or that look, I get all warm and fuzzy inside. No one else see it, just me, I can see it clearly, I see how much he loves me.

"Joel," I said back with as much love in my eyes as he was giving me. He actually blushed! Holy shit! Never fails to amaze me when I can get him to do that just by saying his name.

True, we are a … unusual couple in Jackson. For one, no one else can just say another name and be able to say everything that they need to say without uttering another word. It hadn't seemed all that weird to me until I got around the people in Jackson. Joel ain't one to waste words, so I had to learn what he was thinking by understanding him. Plus, you know we were fucking the only two people around who we trusted with our lives, things just happen. I'm sure if we tried to understand how we do it, we would just fuck it up.

I picked up my pace to get around to his left side, so I could hold his left hand in my right. He was carrying the rifle in his right hand, while my left held on to my bow. Pftt, no sense of leaving our self vulnerable to attack just so we could be silly and hold hands. Safety first, you know.

The second thing that made us different was what we were; there are many different kinds of people in the world today. There are fucking inbred assholes, and hopefully very few if any still live. Normal assholes, those who prey on everyone and anyone but they normally stick to larger cities. Then there are survivors, those who live in QZ or in Jackson, people just trying to live life as normally, whatever the hell that means, as they could. Lastly there is us, Joel and I; the super survivors, people who live life on the edge and keep coming back for more. We seen the worst this old world had to offer, and kicked its fucking ass.

"How are those new boots holding up?" He asked as we continued to high step through the snow.

"Feet still warm and dry," I said with a grin. "Looks like Gina knew what she was doing." Gina had borrow couple of my books, one on how to tan animal skins and another how to make leather goods.

The way they had been doing the tanning was more hit or miss, like one skin out of ten would be useable. So it was expensive as hell to make anything clothing wise since it took so much leather. Even the leather I use to tie up my ponytail was pricey. Thanks to her studying those two books I recovered from the Smith family, we now have a better way of preserving the leather and she can make more things, such as my boots and hair ties, and we get more uses out of the animal skins.

She made me a pair of boots that came up to mid thigh and laces on the inseam, the souls were really thick to keep them as dry as possible and protect my feet. The souls were leather as well, so now I can move even quieter then before … yeah, that's my favorite feature. And the price was good too, she gave me my first pair for free, as to say thanks for the books. I can always do free.

_"All teams, check in, all teams check in,"_ the radio squawked as Diana's voice intruded on our quiet time.

Joel let go of my hand to check the compass as I pulled out the pocket watch to check the time.

"Three hours, 21 minutes," I said while scanning the area, making sure nothing heard us.

"Right," when our turn came he called back. "Course 318, North by North East, time 3:21."

_"Course 318, North by North East 3:21, confirm. All Teams advise; temp dropping, barometer dropping, advise return, control clear."_

"Shit, another storm coming?"

"Sounds that way," Joel said replacing the radio on his belt. "We should ..."

I didn't say a word when he stopped talking but immediately crouched down and had an arrow cocked.

Pftt, and he says I never learn.

I watched the path we came from while he watched around the front. I tried to listen but snow does something weird with noise, makes it more muffled and hard to pin down. I didn't hear a thing.

"Off to our right, about a football field," Joel whisper as I turn my head slightly to see where he was talking about. "It looks like a old hunting cabin."

"Did you hear something?" Man, my blood was pumping so hard I could feel it in my ears. Okay, second thing I will never ever tell Joel; I really miss this kind of stuff.

"I'm not sure ..." Joel sounded doubtful? Wow, that is new.

"Well, lets go check it out," he shot me a look I know all too well, but I pushed on. "I've never seen that cabin before, we hunt around here all the time."

"Probably, due to the trees and brush in the summer, provided it cover."

"What if someone is living in there? It'd be nice to know if someone is going to shoot us, don't you think? Or what if it is a trapped Infected, rather deal with it now on our terms then have it bust loose on its own. We can deal with it but what about one of the other hunters? Most of those guys haven't seen one in years, and if there is one in there, it's most likely to be a Bloater by now."

Now he was giving that second look, the first said I was crazy and to be quiet; now he was admitting I might have a point but really, really didn't want to admit it out loud. Still, he pulled out a pair of earphones and plugged them into the walkies-talkie so the sound wouldn't travel.

"Control, team six."

As Joel talked to Diana, I watched the surrounding forest, mostly looking for tracks. Our footprints were clearly visible, but I didn't see any others. So two possibilities, one if there was anything in there, it hasn't moved out since the snow has stopped or came from the other side. I did a quick glance at small cabin, I could see a doorway, it looked as if the door was still on it's hinges and I couldn't see any windows. Nice in dark in there, no doubt.

"Rodger, Team six will investigate, stand by." He let out a frustrated sigh, still whispering, he looked at me. "New structure, it's not any of control's maps." He then shuffled uneasily, I knew what was coming … and he hated this part. "I don't have my gas mask on me so ..."

"Any spores, I'll go in, if I see anything I get the fuck out and we come back later, right?"

"I mean it Ellie, we do a quick search. We can always come back later to do anything else."

"Yeah, no problem Joel, I got your back." I gave him a small pat on his arm.

"Never doubt it," Joel said with a quick smile.

He took point while I followed behind him, watching our back. And I was probably melting all the snow within a mile after seeing that smile. I carried a 9mm on my right hip as well as a bowie knife on my left but kept the gun in the holster, I was a better shot with the bow and a bow was quieter if we ran into any company. The 9mm was just a back up, the … oh we are fucking screw … weapon.

Tommy told me one night that he used to play video games back when there were working computers, and he loved playing the RPG type fantasy games. He compared two kinds of characters to Joel and I, Joel was a tank. He was a large brute force kind of guy who used his body strength to clear obstacles out of our way. He would get in close and personal with the enemy and bash them to death.

I, on the hand, was clearly what he called an 'assassin' character. Joel and I both used stealth but I lived in stealth. I preferred to hit scum from a distance as quietly and quickly as possible before they knew I was there. If I was forced to attack up close and personal, I preferred to hit them from behind with a knife then bash them with a club. That is why we were so deadly, our strengths were inverse, one could offset the others weakness. Tommy also said we were both too damn stubborn to die … really can't argue with him on that part.

We stopped just before we got to the small clearing around the building, the brush offering minimal cover. Joel still didn't look happy but after five minutes of observing the cabin, he dashed across the open area to the right side of the door way. I waited until he waved me over, then I dashed to the left side of the door. We spent another five minutes of hell, trying to listen in to the building and watching the surrounding area.

God, I really miss this kind of stuff. Facing potential death really made you feel alive. When Joel looked over … that old goat had that look in his eyes as well. Damn it, if he wasn't enjoying himself a bit as well. I gave him a smile and blew him a kiss, he just blushed but his beard couldn't hid his small smile nor could his eyes hid his amusement. Then we both got our heads in the game, as he aimed the rifle in front of him.

Fuck, next time he is bring the shot gun with him. I'll carry myself if I had too. This cabin was way to small to be using a rifle.

The door nob turn slowly in his hand, not making much noise but in the dead quiet it sounded so loud. As he pushed the door open, we waited a second before he charged in, with me hot on his heals. Good no spores, no infected. One room, fireplace cold, hole in the ceiling, remains of a bed …

What the fuck … something black came charging out of the side room, straight at Joel! He got one shot off before it swung its paw at him, knocking him off his feet.

Fuck bear!

I shot two arrows into it neck area as Joel used his rifle stock to keep the bear's teeth away from his neck. He was losing! I didn't think, can't use the 9mm, might as well spit at the bear, bow ineffective … as it swiped at the rifle and raised on its back legs I did the only thing I could! I grabbed my bowie knife in jumped on its back. I stabbed over and over again trying to hit something …

The room was spinning and then …

Shit! My side … hit a boulder or … can't breath … so hard to breath! Why can't I breath! Joel! Joel is he safe …

"Ellie!" I could barely hear him as I was coughing … oh no … I was coughing up blood … drowning in … shit Joel! "Ellie, stay with me girl!" I felt a slight pressure on my hand, I grabbed with all my might! Joel! Please don't leave me!

* * *

"Joel and Ellie are checking out some old cabin," Tommy was telling me as we took a moment to share a cup of tea. "The other five teams are heading back in now. Everyone should be within the Line by the time the next storm hits."

"We will have to get some supplies up to the plant before nightfall, the crew up there now might have to pull a couple double shifts before the storm passes." I said looking out the window at the already large piles of snow in the streets of Jackson. "Did Bruce and Tabby check to verified which building are in danger?"

"Yeah, so far all is so good." Then he let out a quirky smile, "but they both think that sporting good store is toast."

"Well, that is okay; those two children will rest in peace now," I repressed a shiver. Getting buried alive, no hope of rescue … I always said a extra prayer at church for …

_"Break … Break … Ellie is hurt! I need assistance … Ellie is down."_

Tommy and I both swung our heads at the pair of radios on my desk, Oh my god!

_"This is Control, all units remain clear, Team Six go ahead."_ Diana's calm voice filled the airway.

_"Bear attack, Ellie … Ellie was thrown across the room, impacted against fireplace. Bleeding, coughing … coughing up blood, trouble breathing!"_

Tommy was already out the door before Joel was finishing talking, with me close on his heals with my radio in hand.

_"This is Control, all units medical plan C; say again medical plan Charlie in effect."_

_ "This is Medical One, at plant; leaving with escort, need directions."_

I caught a glance of dad standing at the foot of the stairs, looking like hell, as Tommy and I raced out the door. I took the passenger seat of the electric cart as Tommy did his best to keep the ultra lite, not really built for snow, machine on the road. All around us the town exploded into organized action. Guards were switched out, people running to the stables to get horses saddle up and the snow sled hitched. Children, who had been out playing, stood around in wonderment; they had no idea what was going down but knew something was up.

_"Team Six, Medical One; what is her condition?"_

_ "She … she struggling to breath … her right side … I rolled her on her left side against me … still coughing up blood."_

I cringed, I could barely hear Ellie struggling to breath, her calling out to Joel … sounding so weak.

_ "Rodger, I am on my way, keep her warm if you can and Joel your doing fine, Okay."_ Andy's calm medical tone didn't do much for my nerves but maybe it will help Joel and Ellie.

_ "Just get here!"_

Then again ...

_ "Control, Team Five; how close are we to them?"_ The strong voice of Dwayne, Bruce's son, coming across the radio as Tommy skid to a stop at the main stables. They had already had the snow sled hitched up with two other men on horse back waiting for us.

_"Team Five, Control; follow protocol. You are too far out … return to camp, over."_ Diana's voice had enough of edge to discourage any argument.

Shawn handed Tommy a shotgun as he climbed up into the sled, even before he was settled in, Bob had the team moving.

"Shawn," I called to him, he had no more job until they got back and I need him for something we hadn't planned on. As he jogged over his face was strangely set, as if he was trying hard not to show his worry. Ellie and him might fight like cats and dogs but ... "Gather any extra hands you can find, I need to have the steps and walk way around the medical office clear before they get back."

"You got, Mrs. Wilson," then he hesitated. "Is L going ..."

"Don't worry, she be back to annoy you before you know it." I gave him a reassuring smile that I didn't feel as I pulled away to find Nancy, the town nurse, so we could get the clinic open and ready.

* * *

"It's going to be okay, baby girl," I forced myself not to rock as I held Ellie in my arms. She was still breathing, it was a wheezing, terrible sound but she was breathing! "Andy will be here soon and you will be all better, and you can tell me some more of those god awful jokes and I won't say anything but laugh till my side hurts."

She had finally passed out from the pain, I … I wish she was still awake … I …

"I will let you sleep in my bed with me … I know you … you been saying that it was easier then switching rooms in the middle of night. And maybe I will … stay with me sweetheart, I do anything you want."

Ellie can have anything … just don't leave me … Please God, don't take away my only reason for living … not again.

"Joel? Joel!" I heard Tommy's voice. "Jesus Joel, are you okay?"

"Hey Joel, its me Andy, okay. Let me look at her okay."

"She is still breathing," I said stupidly as Tommy and Andy knelt down beside me.

"Good, that is good Joel," Andy said gently as he held that thing doctors use to hear the heart beat to her chest. "She got a pulse, weak but it is there. Joel, I need to cut her t-shirt off okay? I need you to roll her off you and on to the floor, Okay."

"I opened her two outer shirts, she not wearing a bra … can never find enough to fit her ..."

"That's good Joel, you did good, now let Tommy look at you."

"What?"

"Damn Joel, you chest and arms … is that your blood or Ellie's?"

"I don't know … bear got a couple good licks in … before ..."

"Joel!" Andy voice made me look at him, hard to focus … so tired … "Did Ellie get any of her blood in you? Did you get any of her blood in you?"

"I don't know …"

"He got some deep cuts across his chest and right shoulder," Tommy said as he wiped something on me. Then Ellie let out a small whimper, and Tommy was pushing me back. "Easy Joel, Joel easy! She is okay, understand, Ellie is okay. She is breathing and in pain but she is going to be alright."

"Don't hurt her … she is my … my light ..."

"God damn, there is a knife broken off in this here bear's neck," a voice said that I didn't immediately recognized.

"Ellie's knife," I turn my head to look at Tommy. "Crazy girl … wanted to protect me … always protect me … not worth … I'm not worth her ..."

"I'll let her know y'all said that so she can properly kick y'all ass when she gets better," Tommy said without any humor as he pulled my shirt up and started wrapping something around me.

"I … I hope she does."

"Medical Two, Medical One."

_"This is Two, go ahead."_

"I need you to pull Ellie's card, get as many of the matches as you can lined up; she is going to need a few refills."

_"They are already standing by."_

"Good job, we'll be heading back in five stand by, in surgery." He then called out to someone else. "Jake, Sam; help me get her on the stretcher." Then he walked over to Tommy and me, "Joel, she has internal bleeding, collapse lung and possible fracture ribs. I'm going to have to operate on her, do you understand?"

"Yeah … yeah … do whatever you have to do … save my baby girl."

"I will, Tommy how is he looking?"

"He is gonna need stitches, I slow down some of the bleeding but ..." Tommy didn't finish as he pulled my shirts and jacket back on.

"Okay, Joel listen to me, are you listening?"

"Yeah."

"While she is in surgery, I need to place you in isolation, understand? I don't know if you been infected ..."

I used what strength I had to grab him by the jacket. Tommy was trying to pull me off but I held on.

"Worry about saving her! Let everyone else worry about me! Do _you_ understand?"

He gave me a cocky smile as he pulled my hands away, "Glad we understand each other, Joel. Okay, lets get her out of here and back to Jackson before that storm hits."

* * *

Okay Ellie, you are not in Kansas anymore, or more accurately, Jackson.

Yeah, this is definitely not Jackson. Sure, I have only been in Jackson for what six or seven months … pretty sure it has been six months but I know it fairly well. The view in front of me is not one that I know. First off, the grass around this nicely painted two story house was cut.

Not cut short by the roaming bands of sheep they used to keep the yards neat. No, this was different, this yard had been cut by something else that made straight, even, uniform heights cuts in it, I could see the patterns that it was cut in. And the house …

The paint was in great condition, it looked so fresh and … bright! All the windows were clean and … where the fuck was I?

Jackson, Boston, Pittsburgh … Salt Lake … none of those places looked … it was like pictures of homes I have seen from Before. Before the shit hit the fan, before the plague destroyed most of humanity and humanity got busy destroying it's self.

I mean, the door is still up, there is a swing on the porch … hell even the mailbox has it's flag up as if it was waiting for the mailman to arrive.

Weird.

But the weirdest thing … one of the weirdest things was the weather, it was just after daybreak and it was so warm and … warm? Wait, wasn't Joel and I just trampling through snow that was almost up to my waist? I'm five foot two damn it! Where did all that snow go?

Where the hell are my clothes! I had on four layers of clothes plus socks plus my new boots … all I'm wearing now is one of Joel's shirts … wait … shit; all I am wearing is one of Joel's shirts! Why the hell … I'm in public dressed … or not dressed … no one see me like this except Joel! Everyone else only sees me in jeans and long sleeve shirts, ever! I wear shorts and short sleeve shirts around the house, one of his shirts to bed … but in pubic?

What the hell is going on here!

"Ellie!" a voice called out from inside the house, the door flung open and a young blond girl a couple inches shorter and couple years younger then me, dressed in a concert t-shirt and purple pj bottoms came running out to me barefoot. "Ellie, I am so glad to meet you." She said as she hugged me. Okay, she had a accent like Joel's and …

Oh no … oh no no no! This is not happening!

"I mean, well not glad as in right now but I am glad … I thought it would be later but … oh I'm so happy to see you." She practically bounce around and hugged me again.

If I ever wore panties to bed, they would be full of shit right now … this can not be happening.

I was being hugged to death by laughing, smiling, Sarah.

Joel's long dead, for twenty one years dead, daughter, Sarah.

Fuck?


	11. Home sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

Nowhere Unknown

"Wow, you are so pretty, I reckon I know why daddy has taken a shine to you," Sarah said running her hand thru my red hair. Her light blue eyes sparkle as brightly as her smile. Suddenly she stopped bouncing and looking concern. "Oh, I am sorry. where are my manners," she stood up tall and held out her right hand. I returned the shake more out of instinct then actually thinking about it. Brain set on automatic. "Good morning Ellie, I am Sarah Wilson and I am very, very pleased to meet you."

"Um, yeah, same here."

"I still can't believe your here," Sarah screamed out as she started bouncing on the balls of her feet again. "I mean I had always hope to meet you, daddy is always telling me about you; I feel as if I already know everything about you. You just took me by surprise that is all, I thought you wouldn't get here until much later and I know you are just visiting but I am still so happy to meet you. Are you thirsty? I bet you are thirsty," she reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to the house. "Let's go inside and I get you some refreshments and then we have so much to talk about!"

I would have resisted but as I said, I am not really thinking anything except I am talking to Joel's dead daughter. Joel's dead daughter is talking to me as if it was a normal sunny day and not the freakiest thing to ever happen to me … and that is saying a lot.

"Come in, come in; make yourself at home!" She bounced; dude, she is like super hyper, in the middle of the living room with her arms spread wide as her smile. "Welcome to my humble abode, I know it ain't as nice as yours but I like it."

Ain't nice? I felt a jab of anger and jealously! The walls were so clean and bright, the paint wasn't faded to light gray, there wasn't mold stains on them. Even after weeks of trying to wash the walls, I could still see the stains. And there wasn't enough pain in all of Jackson in any kind of shape to use on the walls! The furniture, all we had was a couch and two guitars stands in our living room, she had tables, a leather couch and an armchair, lamps all over the place! We had one lamp for both the dining room and living room. Couch, mine had two bricks under Joel's side because it was missing a leg and none of the cushions matched! And the carpet! We had to rip out all the carpet in our home, it was all moldy and … we had to use titles and other stuff to cover the floors. Sure, Joel had the great idea to spell our names out in the title in the living room and we made some really colorful patterns but … this carpet felt so nice!

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," the small voice said.

I looked over, Sarah was standing still in the middle of the living room looking miserable as anyone can be. I let out my annoyance go as quickly as it came, poor kid was just trying to be nice and …

"No, Sarah; I should apologies. I was being rude, I just wish I could live in a place as nice as this."

"No, you don't have to say that, I know your place is the best place ever," she said quietly. With a sigh she turn to walk to the kitchen, almost whispering she added, "Your place has daddy in it."

Aw, fuck me with pine cone sideways, way to go you stupid, stupid, fucking bitch; destroy a dead girl happy moment.

"Your dad wishes he could be here with you as well," I said quietly as I walked over to the kitchen and leaned against the island. "He thinks about you everyday, he has told me so much about you. He still has that watch you gave him, even thought it been broken for years. He never takes it off. He always looks at it when he is thinking of you."

"I know," she said with a sad smile while grabbing a couple glasses from a cupboard. "And he talks to me in his sleep. He is always reminding me how much he loves me and how much he miss me." Then her smile started to get bright again, "He also tells me how much he loves you and how he hopes I will love you too." She laughed as she put ice in the glasses, "Which is just silly of him. Of course I love you, he does! How could I not love someone he adores?"

"Yeah, I kept telling him the same thing," I let a smile form on my lips. "The old goat worries too much." Sarah giggled. I decided I like hearing her giggle, she has a cute giggle. I told her that as she pulled out a green bottle from the refrigerator, she started blushing and giggling some more. I let my smile slip away as I asked her the big question. "Sarah, is this … am I … you know … in … heaven?" She had this strange look on her face as she twisted the cap off, as if she wasn't following what I was trying to say, so I tried to be a bit more like myself, you know; blunt. "Am I dead?"

"Well, I ..." she titled her head with this far away look in her eyes. Suddenly, she jumps back, closing her eyes, she began flapping her hands next to her ears as if she was cooling off and rapidly dancing in place. Just as suddenly, her hands shot forward, all movement stops and her eyes got huge, "Or it's one of those narcotic induced hallucinations brought on by the drugs they are using to help keep y'all still so they can fix you."

"So I am still alive?"

"Uh yeah," she said while concentrating on pour out the greenish yellow liquid into the glasses. Then she very quietly added, "Mostly."

"So what happen to me? How did I get here, where ever here is?"

"I'm not sure, something to do with fighting a bear? Why would you fight a bear anyways? Whenever I went to the zoo, the bears were always so friendly and stuff, always waving at kids and sniffing the glass walls."

"Um, I'm not sure, actually. The last thing I remember is hunting with your dad and then um poof! You came running at me to give me a hug."

"Well, duh; you are almost family and we here in Texas is always friendly to family." Sarah said with great conviction.

"So we are in Texas?"

"No, we are nowhere."

"Where is nowhere?"

"I … I don't know," she started fidgeting again. "I'm awful sorry Ellie, I want to answer you questions but I can't, I am not allow too."

"You're not … who told you that?"

"The old man who is in charge, he is the one who told me you would be coming today."

"So someone is in charge around here?"

"No, he is in charge Elsewhere, I am in charge of here," she said with pride.

"So where is elsewhere?"

"Elsewhere." She said nodding. Then she titled her head for a second, she went on, "He will be coming by later. I am sure he can explain everything."

"When?"

"Sometime." She said giving me a cringing smile and wriggling her hands.

"So some guy in charge of elsewhere is coming over here, which is nowhere, and he will be here here sometime, do I got all that?"

"Yes, now you got it," she gave me a small clap.

"Those must be some really good drugs they have me on," I said holding my head in my hands.

"Totally hardcore."

"They must be," I looked at her again and gave her a small smile, "So you are what … a figment of my imagination?"

"Um," she had this adorable look on her face as if she was trying to decide the best course of action to take and trying hard not to look guilty. Now I know why Joel says he is immune to my cuteness. "Yeah, that works too." Pftt, she is a horrible liar. Joel really didn't teach her well. "That stuff ain't important, what is important is this Ellie," she said handing me my drink and then wrapping her free arm around my waist, spinning me around a few times, both of us giggling like idiots as we sat down on the couch. "What is important is we have time to get to know each other and have a bit of fun before you have to leave, how does that sound?"

"Okay, Sarah, sounds like a plan," I laugh as I answer, she is so … I don't know … I never met anyone so … innocent before. Someone who wasn't carrying around death and sorrow like a chain around their neck. Hell, might as well have fun while I'm waiting for nobody.

"Great!" squealing as she took a drink of that strange looking liquid. "I always wanted another girl around the house! Dad is wonderful, don't get me wrong but there are some subjects you just can't talk to him about without him getting all hem hawing around,you know what I mean? I bet you do. I mean you know a lot about dad, all his quaky ways and all. I know, you can be like my big sister! Or my new mom! Or both! Oh! That would so cool! Can you be both? Is that allowed? That had better be allowed! Because I think it would be totally awesome if you could be both!" I lean against the back of the couch, my feet tucked under me, watching this little 12 year old girl rattle on. This little girl who would have been, if she had lived, in her thirties by now going on how she want me to be her big sister. Kind of funny really, here I was only three years older then she was when she died, yet I felt like I was the one who should be in her thirties not the other way around. "So why do you wear dad's shirts to bed?"

"Um," oh boy, talk about an awkward subject. "Mostly, because … it makes me feel safer, like it is him holding on to me when I am sleeping."

"Oh," she said looking confused, "I thought you guys sleep in the same bed?"

"We … we do … um sometimes … mostly … um but some nights I sleep … well try to sleep, in my own room or when he is doing a night shift guard duty, I like to have a reminder of him with me."

"Oh," she looked at me seriously, "so you have nightmares too?"

"Um, yeah," I said shifting around on my rear so my legs were pulled up to my chest and faced her. "You could say that, I guess."

"Daddy has some really nasty nightmares," she said sadly looking down at her glass. "I hate when he has them because I can't do anything to help him. He dreams about that night, he dreams about some of those things he use to have to do, people he killed." She looked at me, eyes so sad I wanted to hug her. "The worst are the dreams he has about either you or me … sometimes both of us and how he can't save us. Those are the worst." She was quiet for a while, I just study the drink in my hand.

Some of my worst nightmares involve Joel as well, how that piece of shit found him and hurt him … and I couldn't get to him, could save him no matter how hard I run or how I couldn't get my legs working to even try to run. How Joel leaves me alone … so alone ... in the middle of nowhere.

"I hope I ain't be rude to y'all, Ellie, but can you sleep with him more … maybe." She said looking up at me. Scared as if she was offending me she launched into her explanation. "I know you are so much younger and y'all ain't properly married and all, I don't want to offend your morals or anything like that." I gave myself a mental snort, morals? When did I ever get those? "And I know you thinking he is too old or something, I don't know! But he sleeps so much better when you are next to him! Like he ain't got a care in the world! And you make him so happy ..."

I set down my drink and reached across the couch and made a shushing noise, like Joel does when I am really upset. I pulled her into my arms as she continued to babbled.

"Easy Sarah, easy. Don't worry about your dad, we have been talking a lot lately about just using one bed," Okay, I been talking and he has been listening without comment. I had hoped when we settle in Jackson, both of us would have fewer nightmares. But even after all these months, we are still having just as many, maybe even a few more then normal. It was stupid to keep separate beds since even when we do try to sleep in separate rooms, we just end up together anyways. "And to be honest, neither one of us really understand what we mean to each other, we are just as clueless as everyone else. The only thing we know is this; we are family! Where your dad goes, I go and where ever I go, he goes with me. So it might take awhile but I am sure in the end we will end up … in bed." I sorted out a laugh, God that sounded so … perverted! "I mean to sleep of course, not … well I'm sure you … or not … um."

"It's okay if you guys … you know … do it."

"Um," I nervously laugh, oh boy.

"That is why you don't wear any panties, right?"

"Um!" I shifted again, making sure my shirt was tucked firmly between my legs. Is this how Joel feels every time I bring up sex and sexual related topic?

"It's okay, Ellie; it's like you said you both love each other a lot. And … why is your face getting that red?"

"It's not that Sarah … I mean I do love your dad … a lot and he means the world to me … I would be lost without him but um … that is not the reason I don't wear underwear to bed. I don't wear underwear all the time because I have so few pairs. When I left Boston I only had three with me." And one, along with two shirts, a bra and a pair of pants promptly got burned after Joel and I escaped Colorado. "And while I do have more now, finding underwear in my size … let's just forget about finding any bras … is really difficult, so I only wear them at night if it is … um you know … um that time."

"Oh, that 'special time';" Sarah said sarcastic, as she pull away from me and holding her fingers up in a quotation marks. She made a face, "Boy, that must have been tough traveling across the country without any stores to get 'those' products."

"Oh you have no idea," I lean back against the arm rest as I remembered one particular time in Ohio. "When I left Boston, I forgot to pack any. I'm irregular and always light as well, plus I didn't start till I was thirteen. So they were not something I would have thought of to pack for the trip. Marlene ..." Sarah face clouded over, almost angry, as I mentioned my mom's best friend. I decide to skip over that and return to my story, something told me she wouldn't answer me anyways. "Well, she never thought to ask me if I had any either. So we were in Ohio someplace, we had already dodge our way through Columbus, that was a story let me tell you, when I notice it was that time. Oh, your dad," I had to stop as I laugh remembering Joel's expression. "Your dad look so lost and exasperated … we stopped in a drugstore so I could find some pads. He kept asking me every two seconds if I was done yet, I yelled at him telling him to help me look or shut the hell up."

"You actually told my dad to shut the hell up," she said in awe.

"More time then I can count, and he says the same back to me. So he gets down and helps me dig through all the junk and trash on the ground, then he pulls out a box and throws them at me, tells me to get changed and heads back outside. His face was so red! He wouldn't talk to me for two days."

"Oh my, I was ten when he gave me the 'talk'," she let out a sigh of annoyance. "It was so awkward for him and me. He meant well, I know, but he was so bad at it. He keep going 'um' and 'ah' and stuff. Finally, Uncle Tommy asked one of his girlfriends to come over and tell me about stuff." Her face really got crunched up in disgust, "Where daddy didn't tell me much, she told me too much. EW! I didn't like many of Uncle Tommy's 'lady friends'."

"Well, you will love Maria, his wife. She is very cool and great person to talk to … well most of the time anyways."

"Aw, that is so cool. I'm glad Uncle Tommy finally went and got him a wife, I bet she is really pretty, uh?"

"Yeah, I guess so, I mean she has blond hair like you and wears it short ..."

"Short like mine?"

"Yeah, I think … yeah, you both have about the same cut."

"So you think she ugly?"

"Um … I …" I let out a sigh, I hate these conversations, Mary-Ann is always asking me about Jimmy, if I though he was cute, Pftt, as if I am one to judge. "Look, Sarah; to be honest I don't care, I don't judge people by their looks."

"Sheese, that is what pretty people tell ugly people be when they don't wanna hurt their feeling." She said pouting.

"Look at me, I have no room to judge people by looks. My nose has been broken four times, I have three scars on my chin, one above my right eye … seriously, I have no idea how much worst I look like after fighting with that bear. And, sometimes, I think your dad has more scars then he has skin but none of that matters, because when I look at him all I see is the man who saved my life more times then I can count, who cares for me more then anyone has before and will stay with me no matter what happens. So when I look at him I see the most beautiful, most perfect man to ever live."

"Yeah?"

"Yep … and if you tell him I said all that I will deny it," I said with a smug but completely silly face. She started giggling again as I grab my glass. I really should take a sip, it can't be all that bad since she has pretty much down her … Oh my fucking … what the hell is this! "Ogg me."

"What … are you okay? What wrong?" She sat up, fear written all over her face.

"What … what is that! Liquid sugar?"

"It's just a soda pop, I have some Coke if you don't like Mt. Dew ..." then her eye got really huge, "Oh, Ellie! I'm sorry I forgot! I'm so sorry, here let me get you some ice water." She ran to the kitchen as I keep coughing and gagging, shit now wonder she is so fucking hyper! She ran back in with a new glass of water, holding it out at arms length as if she was afraid to get near me. "I completely forgot, you ain't had any soda pop in your whole life! And here I done gave you the most sugary kind around! You ain't mad at me or hate me do you? I didn't ..."

"No, we're cool," I said as I pour the water down my throat. I think that was worst then the moonshine, they actually let kids drink that shit! Fuck me, old people were idiots!

"Okay, if you are sure," she sounded so unsure as she sat back down on the couch.

"We are cool Sarah, don't worry."setting down my nice normal drink. "I know it's hard sometimes to remember what is now and what it was like back Before. When I am working the Line or Joel and our friends are sitting around shooting the shit … well, him and I are mostly listening, your dad isn't really big on small talk. The old farts would talk about things from Before and it's like they are speaking a completely different languages. I'm always having to pick and probe to understand what they are talking about." I let out a sigh, "old people are weird."

"Yeah, they were weird when I was alive too," she shook her head sadly. "It's like they ain't remember what they learned in English class when they speak. And they are always using big complicated words so we kids ain't got a clue what is going on or if we do, they just say we understand when we get bigger. That such a cope out. I'm twelve years old, I am all grown up! He didn't have to treat me like a baby all the time."

I really, really had to stifle the urge to chuckle. Oh man, is this what I put Joel through at the beginning? No wonder my instructors always labeled me as a problem child, since, apparently unlike Sarah, I had been a bit more vocal and active about showing my displeasure. Even though it has been only a year and half since I left Boston, cock sure and arrogant as all get out; now I know how much I don't know and how much I need someone to stand with me. I have to remember to give Joel an extra hug later, just to say thanks for putting up with my shit.

"Now, of course, I will never grow up so I won't ever get a chance to learn about all that stuff they told me to wait till I get older to learn."

"Maybe … maybe I could help. Maybe there is something could explain to you, if you want."

"Truly?" Her eyes showed me her hesitation as did her voice.

"If I can, I will be completely honest with you," I leaned back against the arm rest again, being as open to her I can. Just like Maria would be with me from time to time when I need her advice.

"Well," she started out slowly then bounce in her seat, laying on her stomach with her head in her hands and legs tucked under her belly, and the biggest sweetest smile on her face. Oh God, I will never be able to out cute her … ever! "What's it like to do it?"

"Um," and just like that we're back in awkward ville.

Joy.

* * *

Jackson

"If she wanted a pet so badly, I think we can find something a bit more friendly, like a cougar or badger," Steven's voice came through the speakers as he and Joel sat in the isolation room.

I watched my brother thru the large reinforced window, as he sat there quietly, while Steven did a quick patch job on him. Both Steven and I had tried to get him to talk about the bear attack but he would only give us one word answers.

"Yeah," was the only thing Joel said, to just about every question.

This was as bad as the night Sarah had died, maybe worst because … Joel bawled like a baby that night. Tonight, nothing. It was like he was already dead and his body just didn't know it yet.

"Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson," a timid voice said from next to us. Maria and I both turn to see Mary-Ann and the ever present Jimmy, standing there with a basket of food. "I brought some food over for Joel and everyone, if that is okay."

"Thank you kindly, Mary-Ann, Jimmy;" I said as Maria took the basket from her. "Is it snowing badly out there yet?"

"No worst then last week," Jimmy said shrugging his shoulders.

"Shawn's dad thinks we might see another foot or two by the time it is all done." Mary-Ann added, clearly the prospect of all that snow was lost on those two.

Ah, to be young again and not worry about over stressed roofs, avalanches, and other dangers that snowstorms could bring to such a small, mountain town like Jackson. The only bright spot from all this snow is how isolated they will be until spring. Bandits, unless they had snowshoes or skies, wouldn't be able to reach Jackson nor the hydroelectrically power plant. Then again, all kinds of critters will be mighty hungry come spring, this spring could be … bad.

"Well, you two shouldn't be out walking around in this blizzard," Maria smiled to let them know she wasn't really worried. "Jimmy, you make sure Mary-Ann gets home safely, Okay?"

"Don't worry, I will," Jimmy said in a tone that made it really hard not to snicker.

Jimmy didn't need any reason to be around Mary-Ann, and she never complained either; they could be the town's first couple married who never knew Before. At least, that was the whispers from both families, although no one is set to pressure them into rushing. And both kids, strangely, seem to be clueless about how the other feels or about the whispers of wedding bells; kind of sweet in a way.

"Let Mr. Wilson, I mean your brother, know that everyone is praying really hard for Ellie," Mary-Ann said in earnest.

"We will, and I know Joel will love to know how many care and will appreciate all the prayers," I lied as I turned them both around to the exit. "Now scoot you two, it's going to be dark soon. You need to get home before then." After they both said bye and walked out the door, I turn back to a wife looking at me in less then pleasant way. I release a sigh, "Ain't a total lie, you know, we will tell Joel."

My wife just nodded as she leaned into me while Dana stood near by with a M4A1, shaking her head at me with a small smile.

Dana tensed up as her husband, gently pushed Joel down on the cot and headed towards the door. As bad as this was for Maria and I, knowing that we could lose both Joel and Ellie; it had to be absolute hell on her, knowing her husband had no chance of escape if Joel started to change or decided not to sit still any longer. And to know she was the first and only line of defense for the entire town. Others offered to stand guard but she told them all to fuck off, she … yeah, I know why she felt that way.

When Steven closed the door behind him, only then did she finally slip the weapon on her shoulder. Steven reached out and squeezed her hand before turning to us.

"I put in about 30 stitches in his chest, shoulder and couple in his face; that bear did a number on him. If Ellie hadn't gotten it off him," Steven shrugged his shoulders, I nodded knowing what he wasn't going to say. "I still have no clue how she did it, from what Sam said and what little Joel said, it sounded like she drove her knife into it's neck and slit the arteries before getting tossed off. That is why the blade snapped, the force from the bear trying to get her off." He shook his head in admiration or just in plain amazement, "it was a one in a million shot. Good thing we no longer have the lottery because she just used up a lifetime of good luck."

"I hope not," Dana said, "She need all the luck she can get to make it through surgery."

"Andy will get her through," Maria said with conviction. Something about the look those two exchanged must have made Maria as nervous as me when she said, "Andy is a good man."

"We are not arguing that part, Maria," Dana said sadly. "We've know him a long time there is no one better but ..."

"But he is a medic; not a surgeon and this is not removing a bullet or tonsillitis or appendix, this is repairing a torn lung and closing off internal bleeding; major shit. I know Andy, he would rather turn himself in to the Military then operate on someone with this level of injury if he had a choice. We don't have that choice, Las Vegas is too far away, she would never make the trip. Fuck, she almost didn't make it back here from what he said." Steven ran his hand over his face, "Don't forget she is infected, so they would just shoot her at the gate anyways. Look, Andy is going to do his absolute best job he can because she is a patient and needs him to heal her; but lets not get our hopes up, okay?"

"I have faith that God will be with her," Maria stated with certainty base in her faith in all that is good. That same faith that allowed her to see some worth even in someone as damaged as I had once been.

"I hope so or Joel ..." Steven looked over his shoulder at the now sleeping man. "So far his skin is not showing any signs of infection and I took all the samples that Andy wanted but none of that will fucking matter really."

"What do you mean," I said with a edge in my voice. "Joel is just in shock, he will snap out of it."

"We heard the whole conversation, Tommy," Dana said nodding at Joel. "What did he not say?"

"He didn't say much of anything, like I said he is in shock." I didn't get what they were driving at but Maria let out a small noise of pain and gripped my hand tightly.

"He never asked about Ellie," she whispered out, as if afraid of what she had said.

"Your brother … you brother has decided that she is already lost, and so is he;" Steven said sadly, glancing at us, he let out a sigh then head down the hall to the lab, to leave the samples for Andy to exam later.


	12. Nightmares

_**Author note: 'Next to me' is own and sung by Emeli Sande; I own nothing but if Ellie ever wanted a theme song for what Joel means to her, could there be any better?**_

Nightmares

Nowhere, Unknown

The music was pumping, we were hopping on the bed, sunglasses on … all was good! Sarah and I had our … hairbrushes? Good God, that was still too weird … our hairbrushes in the ready.

_You won't find him drinking at the table  
Rolling dice or staying out 'til three  
You won't ever find him be unfaithful  
You will find him, you'll find him next to me_

You won't find him tryna chase the devil  
For money, fame, for power, out of greed  
You won't ever find him where the rest go  
You will find him, you'll find him next to me

_Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
You will find him, you'll find him next to me_

We pointed at each other, then spun apart dancing silly in place while singing along. Swing our right arm … or was it the … left arm … damn it which arm again? This is why that Military Boarding school sucked major ass. Okay, sure it taught me how to read, totally cool, and how to handle weapons, drive and some other very basic survive skills but swimming and dancing? Pftt, forget about it! Still, we both had smiles on our faces as I struggled to keep up.

Sarah learned, after that first song, that my 'education has been sorely neglected in the primary and most important areas of entertainment education', her words not mine. The fact that I didn't know that you are supposed to use hairbrushes as microphones seemed to blow her mind.

_When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished  
And I can't seem to find no help or love for free  
I know there's no need for me to panic  
Cause I'll find him, I'll find him next to me_

When the skies are gray and all the doors are closing  
And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe  
When all I need's a hand to stop the tears from falling  
I will find him, I'll find him next to me

Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
I will find him, I'll find him next to me

This is Sarah favorite song, even though it is not her normal taste in music. She is more into punk and hard rock, although she told me she secretly enjoyed some country since that she what her dad plays mostly on his guitar. But this top forty pop music isn't her cup of tea. Too mainstream, whatever the hell that means. This song, although, this song she spoke to her on another level. She said this song just remind her of Joel, and all he has done fore her when she was alive.

Still weird when she says it like that.

We have been playing "Next to me" by Emeli Sande on her computer for hours now … at least I think it has been hours, time is really screwy here in Nowhere. I do have to say, this song, especially this next part, really reminds me of Joel.

_When the end has come and buildings falling down fast  
When we've spoilt the land and dried up all the sea  
When everyone has lost their heads around us  
You will find him, you'll find him next to me_

Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
Next to me – ooh hooo  
You will find him, you'll find him next to me

We fell back on opposite sides of her bed, our head next to each other as we sang the last line until the song stop. Breathing hard, we both exchanged giggles and smiles. Oh man, this was so cool. Then we started laughing harder as we stared at each other. Okay, Sarah might need to learn how to lie better but damn if she couldn't teach Joel a thing or two in having fun.

"Daddy knows how to have fun, silly," she said still laughing.

"Not like this," I remind her as I rolled on my stomach. "Most of the time, he is too grumpy."

"We use to do this all the time, he would play his guitar and I would sing and dance; sometimes my friends would be there … and … and …" her laughter of joy and happiness turned into sobs and tears.

"Hey, hey ...shush, Sarah" I said gently cradling her, running my hand down her back like Joel did for me. And like Joel was with me so many times, I had no idea what brought this on. "It's okay, it's okay; I'm here for you."

"I … I … I'm sorry … sorry … didn't" She stuttered out in between sobs. "I … I … miss … having … any … any … one to …"

"Sarah, how long has it been since you had fun like this," I asked, I had a bad feeling about this.

"Since before I died, a week before I had a sleepover with my friends," she said still crying. "Dad made all kinds of faces at the idea of six girls running around the house but, you know, he made us food and played the guitar and … and … it was so … I miss ..."

"Sarah, are you telling me that you have been alone this whole time," I asked slowly, trying hard to beat down my own personal horror. To be alone for so long!

"Well ..." she pulled away and wiped away her own tears. "The old man comes by to check on me from time to time; to ask me if I want to go to Elsewhere with him."

"No one else comes here? Your friends? Your other family members? Random strangers?" "Uh … no … you can't get from Elsewhere to here. Only the old man can do that," I pulled back in horror, why would she want to stay here all alone for … "I can't leave daddy!" Sarah got a stern look on her face as if she was talking to an idiot. "If I got to Elsewhere, I won't be able to get back here … ever! And Elsewhere is … huge!" Sarah sat up and stretched her arms wide as if she was trying to show me how big it was. "He may not be able to find me there … but this was our home, he will find me here and then we will be together forever and we will sing and dance … you will be here too, right? The three of us will be together and we will all be happy!"

"Sarah, I don't think your dad would be happy to know …". I moved to her side again, Joel would fucking freak if he knew what she has been up to since she died, he won't like that she has been alone and waiting here just for him.

"Yes! Yes, he will! He will be happy to see me and won't care! Don't be mean!" She angrily pushed me away.

"Sarah, he wants nothing but the best for you, and … trust me, he will find you in Elsewhere. He found me in a snow storm in the middle of the forest and I don't mean nearly as much to him as you do." Sarah had that look on her face, I could see Joel clearly in her expression as she was about to argue with me. Suddenly, she went slack, looking at the ceiling, I caught a slightly hunted look in her eyes before she closed them. "Sarah? Sarah whats wrong?"

"Daddy is falling asleep," Sarah jumped up from the bed and ran from her room.

"Wait! Sarah!," I about trip over the these stupid covers and pillows trying to follow her out of her room. Why the fuck did she need 15 pillows on her bed? Really, why do you need that many freaking pillows to sleep, especially when she sleeps alone? "Sarah, what's going on?" I ran down the stairs as I heard the front door, the one made out of the bug screen, slam shut. I ran outside to see … Joel? "Joel?" I ran forward, probably grinning like an idiot, but fuck it Joel was here! Then I as tried to hug him, I actually fell through him … what the hell!"

"It's not really him, him. It's like dad's spirit." Sarah said with sad but adoring eyes, as she kneel in front of him.

_"Hey baby girl,"_ Joel's familiar gravel voice came out as if he was speaking with his gas mask on but sounded so … beaten? _"Ellie … Ellie … she is gonna … she gonna be with you soon, I think. We … I got her killed! We were out hunting, found this old shack; I thought I heard something inside. She been so restless lately, so … I saw it in her eyes, she missed the … she wanted some adventure, missed the Road. I … I missed it too, sometimes … thought … I didn't think! I was so stupid! There was a bear, black bear inside … I was knocked down, couldn't get off a shot. She … she … jumped on the bear."_ Joel's smile shown brightly through the mist of his body, _"She was so brave! She jumped on it's back and stabbed it to death! Her knife even broke off in it's neck. She was … she is amazing sometimes!"_ Then his expression and tone returned to something that I still couldn't believe he was capable of producing. _"But … but … she was thrown … she has bleeding on the inside … couldn't breath … hacking up blood … we almost lost her on the way back to Jackson. She never gave up … never … I wish … be strong … so strong … I wish I could be as strong."_

"No, no Joel," I whisper to the ghost. I crawled on my knees to face him, I could … no, he was crying … the only time Joel cried was when he found me in Colorado. "Joel, you are so much stronger then me, you keep me going ..." There was a loud crash, like a thunderstorm; shit what happened to the sun! Where did these clouds and … holy fuck lighting! "Sarah! What's going on ?"

"Daddy, please! Wake up, please!" Sarah screeched out at the top of her lungs as the thunder and lighting got stronger and bigger.

_"I just can't … losing you hurt so bad … can't go through it … again,"_ Joel moaned out, his ghost seemly unaware of us or the storm raging around us.

"Sarah, we need to get inside now!," I got up and try to puller to her feet.

"No, daddy needs me!" She fought back, damn she was strong for her age. "Daddy, Ellie is still alive, you have to believe me!" Still, she had no more luck then I did reaching for him, her hands passed through his body as easily as mine had. "We both here daddy, please wake up!"

_"I told you!_ A new voice said, female and strong and … sounded like a voice I hadn't heard in a year except in my nightmares. A figure walked out of the fog, as oblivious to the storm as Joel was, even as the storm was getting worst! Marlene … she walked towards Joel who turned to face her, she had a gunshot wound in the gut as well as in her forehead … but last I saw her she hadn't been shot in the head only in the gut, what the hell?

"No!" Sarah said breaking my grip as I stood there transfixed on what was happening, what the hell was going on … "No dad, you know she lies! Don't listen to her lies, you were right! Dad, you did the right thing!"

_"I told you that you couldn't keep her safe. Now she is dead and it is all your fault, Joel. You should have left her with me, in Salt Lake; she would have been a hero."_

Wait! Marlene wasn't in Salt lake … was she? Wasn't she still in Boston?

_"You were going to kill her! You were going to rip out her brain, you monster!" _Joel lashed out but was unable to reach Marlene as she flashed moved around the operating room.

_ "She was like a daughter to me, you selfish bastard! I cried when I gave the orders, when I saw her on the table but I knew her death was for the glorious salvation of all mankind! She would have been a hero for all time!"_ The scene changed to a football field full of dead corpses in several different states of decay and damage, all of them standing and cheering as cart was wheeled on to the field. Marlene stood in the center, her eyes bright with happiness and joy, beaming lovingly at the cart. _"Only a truly loving parent would give you this gift my people! My daughter will die so you all will be save!" _The place went mad with joy as Joel screamed out in anger, fighting against the ground itself as it reached out to hold him down. The infected started dancing around the field, clapping and hooting as well as the blanket was pulled back to revel … me. _"When she dies, all we be saved! We will no longer have to die! All will go back to the way it was before! Families will be united, children will live again, there will be peace and love for all mankind! No one will hunger, no one will be oppressed, it will be paradise! When she dies! When she dies!"_ The entire crowd began chanting 'when she dies', it was overpowering! It was … Marlene pulled out a huge saw, holding it up high for the crowds approval, and boy, did they approve!

_"No! I will kill you! I will kill you all to save her!"_ Joel screamed as he pushed forward, knocking several clickers down and stomping on their heads in the process. That's my Joel, I wanted to cheer!

_"No, you can't! You killed me Joel, you shot me in the head, damn it!" _Marlene snapped back and began sawing away. _"Yet, you still failed, she is dead! You are too weak to save anyone!"_

_ "Leave my baby girl alone!"_

_ "I thought I was your baby girl, daddy?"_ Sara's voice came out of the dark. I looked over at her, still sitting in the same place she had been, still bawling her eyes out and now looking truly horrified.

"No, please daddy … no," she whispered out reaching for him as the scene come into focus.

It was … that … oh no! No, no Joel, not here anywhere but …

_"I needed my daddy but he was too weak to protect me; so I died."_ A smiling vision of Sarah, wearing the same clothes that she had on now said from behind the counter with … _**HIM**_ … at her side. _"Now, I have a new daddy. He is stronger and better daddy then you could ever be."_

"You are all I need dad, you know that … don't listen to those lies," Sarah whisper as I watched in horror as that … thing … stroked the fake Sarah's hair.

_"Release my daughter NOW!"_ Joel growled as both fake Sarah and that thing both laughed at him.

_"Oh daddy, you have no hands,"_ it giggled as Joel looked down to see his hands had been replaced by spoons. _"What are you going to do, spoon him to death."_ Both fake Sarah and that fucking asshole chuckled as Joel started helplessly at his 'hands'. _"Even if you did have hands, that fake daughter … your precious Ellie … killed David … not you."_ That fake Sarah hissed out as she turned and lovingly cupped the fucking assholes face as it started to hack it's self apart.

"Fucking-A right I did," I hissed out, seeing the real Sarah flinch from my anger. "I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you Joel, I would gladly kill anyone."

Did Joel hear me? I don't know but he squared his shoulders, his voice strong for the first time as he answered.

_"Yes she did,"_ Joel growled as his hands changed from spoons back to real hands. The fake Sarah turned to face Joel as David's face fell apart, anger in her eyes. _"She killed him to protect herself, to protect me; she would kill anyone or anything that harms me. And I will do the same for her."_

_ "Yet,"_ another voice from the past intruded as I saw the Capital Building in Boston come into view and saw another blast form the past. Tess walked towards him with her infected shoulder exposed. _"There she lays, lifeless and dead. Just like me … just like everyone who comes into contact with you. Everyone else is just cargo to you Joel, you talk a good game but you know the truth. As long as you live, everything else doesn't matter."_

_ "That's not true, Tess ..."_

_ "Isn't? You had one goal, Joel. You had one job and that was to get Ellie to the Fireflies; to save all mankind and you failed! I meant nothing to you ..."_

_ "It's not like that Tess, y'all know the truth! I care about you, we were partners ..."_

_ "Yeah, you liked the sex but anything more," _Tess shook her head, slowly and mockingly, as she walked around him. _"If you had loved me, you would have completed the fucking job!"_

_ "I couldn't let them kill her, Tess. She is my partner, she is ..."_

_ "My replacement,"_ the fake Sarah said walking out of their house in Texas, one that looked just like this one here in Nowhere. _"Daddy, you don't love me anymore," _the fake Sarah said with tears flowing down her face.

"You know I could never replace you, or want to, right Sarah," I asked the crying girl huddle in front of me.

"I know," she whispered, "but dad; he feels guilty that he thinks I might believe it."

"How … whats is going on Sarah? Why are we seeing this?"

"I told you, he talks to me when he sleeps. But I also see his dreams, good and …" she stopped hiding her face as the tears started anew.

"Sarah," I crawled over to her as the scenes started changing and the storm intensified around us. "Sarah, how long … how long have you seen … when?" I couldn't ask her, terrified of the answers. Joel used to have some nasty dreams before we became dependent on each other before we trusted each other. Sleeping near each other help soften those dreams, not stop them completely but soften them. I … I … couldn't imagine what he was like before we met … before we trusted each other.

"Why aren't you with him, he is so happy when you are around," she cried in my arms. "His dreams are so peaceful when you are there."

I heard Joel screaming and looked over to see him struggling against the water current trying to reach a body … dressed similarly to what I wear … and had a red pony tail. I turned away and held Sarah closer to me as hell raged around us … and … and it was getting … worst.

… so much worst …

… dear God … it got worst ...


	13. Chapter 13

I was too fucking tired to even think of the proper words for what has been happening.

Fuck.

Yep, that sums it up rather nicely.

I've been spending the last few hours curled up in a ball; hugging a stuff giraffe for dear life on what used to be Joel's bed … or would have been Joel's bed if I wasn't trapped in this fucked up hell hole of Sarah's.

Fuck.

I wanted to run away and hide.

I wanted to beat Joel for some of the things he had done before he met me.

I wanted to hate him.

I wanted to run to him and hold him, never let him go and tell him how much he means to me.

I wanted to keep loving him.

I wanted … I wanted to forget … oh man, how I wanted to forget.

Most of all, I wanted to get Sarah the fuck out of here. She shouldn't be … she should have never … Joel is going to hate himself worst then he does now if he ever found out.

I can never tell him, never. Which means I can never, really, forget everything, can I?

"Hey sleepy head," Sarah voice came from the other side of the door. "I made blueberry pancakes if you want any, but you have to come down stairs before they get cold." She gave that Texan accent a sing-song lit to make it sound … even cuter then before.

How did she do it? I have only been subjected to this … whatever the fuck this was, a dozen or so times and it was fucking with my head! How did she survive with this shit for twenty one years?

Why would she deal with this for twenty one fucking years?

How does she manage to act like it was nothing every single time he finally wakes up and that shit storm ceases? How?

I pulled myself up out of bed and down the stairs. I feel no real need for food, drink nor; I just want peace and to go home to Joel. Maybe I can really help him with his nightmares, maybe; somehow, I don't know how but maybe … I just don't know.

"Now these are really, really delicious and you will need that maple syrup to go on top of the pancakes," Sarah said, still dressed in her pj's as she walked between the kitchen and dinning room. We both were still wearing the same clothes, neither of us felt the need to change or to shower or … I just need to end this … now.

"Sarah," I know my voice sounds tired and flat but just standing next to the table was taking everything I had.

"Have you ever had blueberry pancakes?"

"Sarah, we need to talk."

"If it is about blueberry pancakes, sure. I'm not sure how to explain them to tell you the truth, it's something you have to try for yourself."

"Sarah, we need to talk about what is going on ..."

"I thought we were," Sarah said calmly as she set the plates down.

Damn it, she going to be difficult about this, I just know it! She is too much like her dad.

"Thank you," she said beaming as she sat down and began pouring some kind of brown, thick liquid on her food.

"Sarah, we are not talking about the food ..." I sat down at the table as she held out the container of darkish liquid to me.

"Would you rather have honey on your pancakes? Maple syrup might be too sugary for ..."

"Sarah, this not ..."

"Honey is good too but I think you would enjoy the ..."

"Sarah, listen to me …

"Or would you rather have blueberry waffles instead?"

"Sarah ..."

"It would take me longer to make them from scratch. Are you sure you won't at least try ..."

"Sarah ..."

"These pancakes are really delicious," she said sweetly as she waved a fork full around in the air.

"Fine," I snapped as I grab the bottle of the brown liquid from the table and pour it over my food. I grabbed my knife and fork and sliced off a potion and was just about to take a bit, "You know what, this is bullshit!" I dropped my utensils on the dish, "Sarah, this food, these plates … everything in this fucking house is not real! Nothing but you and I are real in this place! Fuck, are you even hungry? How can you be hungry, you are fucking dead!"

"I am just trying to make your stay here as enjoyable as I can," Sarah said evenly as if she was trying hard to hold on to her temper. "This is a happy place."

"Happy? Are you fucking kidding me?" I barked out a unpleasant laugh. "After what we have gone through … after everything you have gone through for all these years! Sarah, you have to tell me how to get you out of here, get you somewhere, anywhere ..."

"It will be a happy place once dad gets here," she snapped back, anger in her blue eyes.

"Joel is not going to make this a happy place! Joel is going to lose his fucking mind when he finds out what you have been … what you have seen … damn it, Sarah! He doesn't like to tell me what he used to do before he met me and I don't mean a quarter of what you do to him." I reached across the table to touch her hand but she jerk back as if I was on fire. "You need to go somewhere safe and wait for him, away from here."

"I can not leave until dad gets here, I told you that already. Why are you being so mean about this? Wouldn't you do the same thing for dad? Expect him to do the same for you?"

"Uh ..." my first thought was how she pulled out a royal flush to my pair of twos, she had taken a kill shot to my argument and nailed it to the wall. However, it only took me a second to realize the truth was not what she had hoped. "No, no I wouldn't and if I knew Joel was purposely doing this to himself, I would beat the shit out of him." Sarah slump in her chair, her surprise written all over her face. "Your dad wants to believe … he believes you are in heaven with everyone else, watching over him and that you are safe and happy without a care in the world … or afterlife … or whatever the fuck you want to call it. But he does not want you to be like this!"

"I thought you loved my dad," she hissed out in anger.

"I do! More then anything in the world … he is my world, I can't; I won't even try to imagine what I would do without him because it scares the shit out of me! I need him, and he needs me! I love him and would rather die a thousand deaths then let him die once, I would kill anyone who threaten him because he is needed in this world far more then I could ever matter. I also know he feels the same way, I can see it in his eyes, the way he talks to me, the way he holds me when I can't sleep … but there are limits Sarah!"

"Dad needs me as well, Ellie!" She said standing up quickly, trying to out stare me. "I can't leave here until I know he is safe and he is here with me."

"Sarah, torturing yourself is not helping him! He doesn't even know you are here waiting for him! If he knew … God, Sarah; I would hate to think of what he would do if he knew. I can't ever tell him about this because it would destroy him!"

"When he gets here everything will be better ..."

"Sarah, stop with the bullshit! Are you going to be able to hid what you know? No offense but you are a shitty liar ..."

"Stop it! Stop, stop, stop, stop!" She screamed out and pounded on the table. I waited quietly as she stood there shaking, I think … I think. "Get out." She whispered looking at the table, a tiny sob escaping from her lips. "You don't really love daddy, you are a mean, nasty, ugly liar and I hate you … get out."

"I can't," I answered honestly. "Even if I knew how, which I don't, I can't … no, I won't … leave you here like this … Sarah, you are family to me just like Joel."

"I said get out! Get out! Get out!" She screamed throwing her plate in at me then ran toward the stairs, bawling her eyes out.

I … I … God, please I need help, I thought as I closed my eyes and hung my head.

That is when I heard the sounds of music and chatter, I open my eyes to see …

Him?

"Madam, your table is this way," some guy dressed in a suit just like the ones I have seen in the old magazines. I think they are called tuxedo. He stood there with his hand out stretched , pointing to a table near the center of this freakishly clean room full of people who were all either eating, talking or dancing, dressed in fancy clothing that looked brand new. The food … so much food. The weirdo in the funny suit cleared his throat, looking at me with a strained smile, as he continued to point into the room.

Yeah, right, like I am going to walk in there dressed like … Oh?

How the hell … why the hell?

I looked down and saw that I'm now wearing a green, shinny dress, similar in color to my eyes, that hugged my body a bit too tightly, with a slit up the side of my legs that allowed some small movement. My left shoulder and arm were exposed while my right side was completely covered; thankfully my scar was covered so there is no reason to worry about a room full of freaked out assholes trying to … kill me?

Can I still die? Uh, yeah, no need to test that theory right now, is there?

No one even seem to notice I was standing there other then that freak, they were all going about their own lives without a care in the world … strange. Everyone was just talking to others around them as the music was being played live by four people with string instruments, violins and cellos I think they are called … not really sure. You would think a teenage girl popping in out of nowhere would attract some attention …

No wait! Someone else seemed to notice I was standing there, at the table the freak was pointing at … there was an old man, kind of looked like that old man who ran that dinosaur park in that one movie I saw at Jackson last month. Could have been his twin, actually. The old man who was wearing an odd looking suit that made up of some kind of liquid colors? It was both white and black and the colors seemed to move around on its own with neither one taken over completely.

That is completely fucking weird!

Out of all the weirdness that I have encountered since I woke up with Sarah hugging the shit out of me, that suit takes the prize!

The old man's eyes lite up as he waved at me with this really jolly, happy smile.

Old man?

Old man!

Answers!

I pushed past that tuxedo dude, I had my target in …

I trip and fell sideways into another tuxedo dude carrying a tray of food to a table. I ignored the sounds of outrage and horror from the men and women who were probably covered in food as I pulled myself up and moved forward again towards my target.

Two steps and I was falling to my right, landing in a lap of a guy older then Kevin. I looked at the old man, who was openly laughing while apparently trying hard not too, as the original tux dude and that man who I fell on try to help me to my feet.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not drunk? I looked down at my feet … son of a bitch!

I was wearing some weird looking green shoes with fucking spikes on the heals! Who the hell walks around on these damn things anyways? I ripped off my so called shoes and tossed them behind me as I stormed over to the table barefoot.

I pointed my finger at him as if I was still carrying my weapon and just … well, I think of something witty to say in a minute.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance Ellie," the old man said fondly while wearing a wide smile on his wrinkled face. I wanted to smack it clean off. But he must know about Sarah and how I can help her, so he will live … for now. "I am so glad you decided to let me live, makes things easier in the long run you know." He added as he pointed to the seat across from him.

"Can I get you something to drink, madam?" A lady dressed in a white shirt and short black dress said as I sat down in the offered seat. She was wearing those stupid looking shoes, her's were black and heels were not as long as my had been, she also seemed to be able to walk on them.

Fine.

Whatever.

"Whiskey," I growled out.

"Um, I need to see some ID first ..." I just turned and gave her a look that made her flinch slightly. Good to see being dead hadn't effected my non-verbal communication skills.

"She is of age, my child," the old man said with a humorous smile, this guy is too happy. The girl nodded, when she left the old man leaned forward to say, "And you are not dead, not yet anyways. If you were we wouldn't be here talking to each other."

Yeah, okay, fine, whatever; I am still alive and I'm here ... where ever here was …

"We are in Pittsburgh, of course."

Pftt, bullshit.

"Well, not the Pittsburgh you know, of course. On this planet, there was no plague that wiped out 78.954 percent of human life. Here, on this planet, this what your world might have looked like if mankind hadn't been reduce to it's most basic instinct."

Uh, bullshit?

"Not at all," the old man said still grinning. "The Universe is a vast, vast place with trillions and trillions of galaxies and countless planets and more lifeforms then even the best of your science fiction writes could ever hope to imagine inhabiting it. And sometimes, some galaxies have duplicate evolution. At least, on the surface it appears to be duplicate but only on the surface. No two planets are ever exactly the same, somethings are always different. Every creature that inhabits that planet, even briefly or for ages, are unique upon themselves. Those unique creatures make decisions that alter the course of the planet's history just enough that makes each a special place. It is fascinating isn't."

Wait, does he mean that this … all of this could have been …

"Yes, sadly I am. It was just a simple twist of fate that destroyed your world. Someone, a just the correct moment chose to go right instead of left or maybe left instead of right or even decide to do nothing, which is a choice as well, and your world was forever altered. It didn't even have to be related to the initial outbreak at all; it could have been a moment of distraction caused by something as innocent as a stolen kiss or silly argument. The change could have happened in a moment before or happened years before that actually event took place, no way to ever know for sure. That is what Free Will is all about Ellie, which is what is at the heart of this problem we now face."

"You mean that the outbreak could have been a complete accident and not some grand conspiracy?" Boy, mom and Marlene would be shocked to learn they have been wrong all these years.

"Not every thing happens because of some ill will on behalf of a shadowy group, Ellie. Free Will or just good old fashion nature, can be a bigger, nastier bugger then a bunch of men huddle in the dark."

"Your drink madam," the girl said as she handed my a glass with the familiar liquid. I took the glass and down the drink in one shot … Joel taught me well. It burned on the way down, the familiar sensation was comforting.

"Bring me another … wait, just bring me the bottle, please." Something told me, in my gut, that I 'm gong to need it.

"As you wish," she said, not sounding a bit surprise at all. She must have seen me come in or something on my face told her that I needed this … badly.

"Your shoes, madam," the original tux dude said stiffly, standing next to our table, he had a nasty looking bruise on his forehead … it looked suspiciously like … oops.

"I'm sorry about the … head and … um … everything," I cringed as I offered a weak smile while taking the offending footwear from his hands. He just sniffed and quickly walked away, his back radiated his anger at me.

"You do have a way about you, young lady;" the old man said with a jolly laugh.

Pftt, whatever; anyways I need to put everything aside, Sarah was my main concern and this guy … whatever his name was …

"You can call me," he paused then his eyes sparkled as he added, "Al. I like that name, you may call me Al, Ellie."

Al? What kind of name … skip it, clearly he is not going to tell me his real name.

"I would but you wouldn't be able to understand the noises I would need to make, it is not in a language that you humans can produce or even hear. So Al will just have to do." Wait … what? He is not human? He looks awful human to me. "True, I appear as I do because your brain is rather simple compared to my own, well compared to many different species found in the Universe, but that is not important. What is important is what you see before you is an … echo … of my true form that your brain is able to comprehend and allow you to see what I need you to see."

Yeah … right …

"Scoff all you want, Ellie. It is your choice," he said merrily, never losing his smile, "But be warned my young human, Reality, doesn't care what you believe."

Right, skip it. I don't want to get side tracked, need to find out if he can help me help Sarah.

"Of course I can, that is why I brought you here so we can talk without her eavesdropping."

Great … wait … have I even … is he …

"Of course, I have been reading your thoughts. It is not that difficult really, you are a rather simple creature in the grand scheme of things."

Well, fuck you too Al, I thought as I ... again, really wished I could have my gun.

"Shooting me won't do you any good and Sarah even less," I glared at him; glare was about as effective on him as it was on Joel. "Joel must a have great patients to deal with you and … really Ellie, do you actually eat with that mouth."

Oh ha ha.

"Well, I found it humorous."

Geez, can't he fucking wait until I actually say something before responding just once! The nice lady brought the bottle, it said Jack on the label, and set it down next to me, then gave me a brief smile before leaving us alone. I looked at the bottle, then my glass, back to the bottle … yeah fuck it, glass will take too much time. I took a swig, and looked at my 'friend' across from me, still smiling, and wondered why he wasn't talking to me.

"Well," I growled out finally.

"You asked me to wait till you actually verbalized your thoughts, I am trying to be as accommodating as possible."

"Ugh," I going to punch him; I swear to God, I am going to punch him. "What the fuck is going on and how the hell do I get Sarah someplace fucking safe?"

"There is a couple concepts I need to disillusion you from first," the old man said leaning forward. "One, no matter what that man tells you when you are gathered in your town once a week, there is no heaven or hell. Those concepts are just a very, very primitive way to explain Elsewhere and Nowhere. Even the terms, Elsewhere and Nowhere, are not accurate description of what I will attempt to explain but they will suffice for this conversation."

"So there is no heaven?" I knew it! Lies! I took another swig feeling … very sad at that revelation. Nothing I do or will do or have done means shit.

"On the contrary, it does mean … shit … Ellie. Everything you do, everything you experience is unique to you, it lets the Universe learn something about it's self that it couldn't have learned any other way. For good or evil, another primitive concept, doesn't rest in what has happened but why something happen. Knowledge is neutral, how you apply that knowledge is what determines its morality. When your life force on your plane of existence is no longer viable, you are transported to Elsewhere, which is located outside of your Universe as is Nowhere. You understand computers, yes?"

"Um, kind of. I learned about them in school but never used one."

"It will suffice, think of Elsewhere as a giant computer and the Universe as you know it, is a program. All the information generated by the program get saved and annalist by the computer. Now just like a computer, there are certain rules that can not be violated, no matter what or it can cause an unstable platform and causing unforeseen consequences at another time and place. Free Will is one such rule that should never be trifled with. Although, too be completely honest, that particular rule has been well, bent rather badly in the distant past, long before your galaxy even formed, and repercussions are still being felt even today. So it is a rule that must be preserved no matter of the consequences, understand?"

"Fascinating," I said deadpan. "How does this help Sarah?"

"I'm getting there, my dear. Now, Nowhere is like a firewall that keeps information flowing but keeps out certain bits of data out that would jeopardize Elsewhere primary function; mostly individual souls that are so corrupted it could infect the mainframe and cause a system wide malfunction. Now, most of those souls are what many of you primitives would consider to be evil. Some are just too damaged by their experiences in your Universe and at least one chooses to be there then to move on. Nowhere allows Elsewhere to study their data without exposing them to the rest of the computer. Fortunately, all but one has no clue where they are, most assume that they still live; they are so damaged that they can't even comprehend their surroundings. Which is fortunate since … well a Soul could go mad, knowing that they are trapped in Nowhere with no hope of getting free."

"Wait! Sarah ..."

"Sarah is the exception to the rule," he said calmly. "She choose to stay in Nowhere, her attachment to her father was sufficient at the time of her death that she was well aware of her actions." AL let out a sigh of frustration, "It was a blip in the system that allowed her to achieve what she has done. A one in a trillion to the 50th power of a chance to hang on. However, there is a cost to her actions."

"So Sarah can leave and go to Elsewhere?" I … I don't know what I would do if he said no, I … please God say she can leave Nowhere.

"She can leave Nowhere anytime she wishes, but it has to be her choice; it's that whole Free Will rule. And I fear she will never choose to leave."

"She wants to leave! She told me that when Joel shows up ..." I cut myself off as he sadly shook his head.

"Joel will never find her, Nowhere has been design to make sure it never happens. Imagine, you are a soul trapped in Nowhere, thinking that everything is fine and dandy. Then one day out of the blue and other soul pops in, letting know you have been dead and he or she has followed you in death. It would cause both souls to be locked in a situation that can only lead to deletion by the firewall."

"Deletion … as in what? Being erased?" I asked tentatively after a long pause.

"Yes."

"But Sarah … she can't be … I won't let it happen!"

"For Sarah; it will happen but the cause be will different since somehow she was able to retain her knowledge of her death. She was able to retain some small connection with the Universe, those dreams you saw is her connection to her father. This has lead to a condition that gave her enough hope and good will to avoid detection of the firewall. As long as she has hope that her father can join her, she won't be detected, however when he dies, and fails to show up …" Al spread his hands out in front of him.

"But … what if he knew … what if I go home and tell him ..." I let my words die as he sadly shook his head again.

"As I have said, the firewall is design to prevent such occurrences from happening. Besides, even if he knew she was in Nowhere; neither him nor you know where in Nowhere her little world is located. It would be like trying to find a single snowflake in a blizzard and you only get one shot. Once you enter Nowhere, you can never leave unless you desire it and when you do leave, you go straight to Elsewhere. Nor can you travel from Elsewhere to Nowhere directly, you have to be reborn and live a full life, by that time you will have forgotten everything; again that is a safeguard built into the system. Once Joel enters Nowhere, there is no way to know for sure if he found the right area or not; he could spend eternity thinking he found Sarah and in reality he found an empty cell and she is just a fake that he produce in his mind. Meanwhile, the real Sarah will be waiting and losing all hope until one day …"

"But … but … how did I end up there?"

"Another blip in the programming. Since you are not yet dead but somehow arrived at Nowhere, the program didn't kick in and you safely enter. You are self aware, and can leave to return to your existence any time you wish. You just have to want to badly enough. And yes, the odds of you returning back to Sarah after you return to your planet are actually worst then Joel reaching her. The odds of everything happening exactly as they had before are too great to even guess at. In the entire time of this great experiment known as life; this particular incident has never happened before, nor likely ever to happen again." He paused then looked uncomfortable, "And sorry, I know you don't like me reading your thoughts but yes. I might have nudge you towards her when I discovered what was occurring. Even that much is pushing the bounds of Free Will. I can only hope the good out weights the eventual consequences of my actions."

"Can't you … just … I don't know … move her to Elsewhere like you just did with me."

"No! Absolutely not." Al said with some anger in his voice. "First off, you asked and desired for help, that allowed me to intervene on your behalf without effecting Free Will. I can not … will not … violate her Free Will. Not this close to Elsewhere, not in such a blatant manner. I could, with the probability nearing 100 percent, cause such a backlash it could shut down the entire system. Wipe it all out in a nano second. Everything that is, was and will be; gone in less time then it takes to form a thought."

"You said you have broken Free Will ..."

"I nudged it on occasion, perhaps pushed or left little hints but never actually outright broke it. Even those times has caused problems on a galactic scale that are still being felt in some corners of the Universe. Not once have I try anything like that outside of your reality. And you will forgive me if I refuse to end everything for one young misguided girl."

"She is just a kid, asshole! She doesn't understand what she is doing!"

"It does not matter if she is twelve or a hundred and twelve, compare to me everything that lives is a child. However, she made that choice of her own free will and must either reap or suffer the consequences of that decision." He lowered his eyes and his voice. "I don't like it either, I have visited her enough to feel something towards her, she is bright and full of wonderment. She has created her own little world there, she is suffering greatly trying to do what she think is is the right thing. I don't want to see her suffer anymore but the safeguards are in place to keep actions like this from happening. I observe, I do not dictate. Power no matter the scale is as neutral as knowledge; yet, many of the greatest tragedies in history began with good intentions. It is better to allow suffering then to be turned into something to be feared."

"So … I have to convince her … to leave her dad … fucking wonderful."

"There are two other facts you should be aware of Ellie," he said as I took another swig. "One is Joel is losing hope quickly. You two have made a vow together, one that he is determine to full fill if you don't wake up soon."

Wait … what vow … I don't … then it hit me. Where he goes, I go and where I go …! Shit! Shit!

"Joel is going to kill himself!"

"Yes."

No, no, no! He can't do that! I'm not worth … I mean I would if he died because without him I am … but he is Joel! The world needs him! I can't … I can't … I won't let him die!

"Ellie, sit back down for a second," he pulled on my arm, trying to get me to sit back down. I don't even remember standing up. "He is not there yet, he still has some hope but the second thing you need to know is your own body is starting to fade."

"What?!"

"You have been gone about three weeks as your kind keep track of time. They have been able to keep you alive but there is only so much they can do with the resources available."

"How long before ..." then I stopped, in horror as something he said earlier worked its way to the front of my head. "What … what happens if I die and I am still with Sarah?"

"I thought I explain that earlier."

Shit! Oh holy hell! Shit! I … what the hell do I do? I can't stay here, staying here means losing Joel but if I leave, Sarah will be trapped here alone! Worst, if she stays too long she could get deleted! It would be like she never … for Joel's sake ... but if I stay here too long Sarah and I will … and then Joel will … oh hell, what do I do!


	14. That is what family are for

That what family are for

Nowhere Unknown

So, this is Florida. I was in Key West, Florida.

After seeing it, I kind of wish it wasn't such a wasteland in my world.

The Cordyceps fungus had a field day in the warm, moist, sub-tropical climate that made up most of Florida. My history teacher in Boston only mentioned Florida once and only as a footnote as a place no one entered or left since the Outbreak on the penalty of extreme prejudicial measures. In plain English, the military would shoot anyone trying to cross the border, in either direction. Marlene once told me that reclaiming Florida would be the clearest sign that Man has finally overcome Cordyceps for good. Joel didn't like talking about Florida, he would only say that the first reported cases from within the country came from some city there called Orlando.

The Smith family had a thick three-ring binder of full of historic texts about the early days of the Infection that they had printed out from their computer before everything went south on them. Apparently, once upon a time, there were several amusement parks in Orlando that attracted people from around the world. In Orlando, they would ride amusement rides, spend too much money buying useless crap, get fat, and generally enjoy themselves. Someone there, who might have visited from somewhere else in the world, had left a present behind for all of us to enjoy forever. The history text also reported that while the plague spread quickly in other areas of the country, it fucking exploded in Florida. Florida was the first place the government quarantine off, the first state placed under martail law, the first fire bomb in to oblivion. The first to die. In twenty years, according to everything I have ever learned about Florida, there is no recorded case of anyone emerging from Florida that wasn't infected.

Too bad, it was nice here in Key West. Very warm and the sand; I never walked around outside barefoot, let alone in the sand. In fact, until Joe took me drowning … er … I mean swimming, I'd never went without shoes outside before in my entire life. Boston was full of ruble that could cut your feet up, the boarding schools had rules about it, plus you never knew when you had to run like hell to get away from the Infected. It felt so damn weird the first couple times I went walking in the river to swim without shoes; still feels weird actually, it is like walking around half-dressed. Still, now, sitting on this pile of sand, it was kind of sweet. The sand felt so soft and … this is way better than the fucking snow. If I was sitting in the snow, piling it up over my bare feet like I was with this sand, I would be risking hypothermia; or at least have everyone deciding that I finally lost my fucking mind.

But man, somehow, this simple act of pushing the sand around my feet; who would had thought it could be so calming?

Al brought me here so I could think without any distractions, to have one moment of peace before I jumped back into the maelström that was my life. The sun was low in sky; I loved the sunsets in the mountains but watching it dip below the water, I don't know, maybe …

I wonder if I could talk Joel into visiting Florida.

If I made it back.

I love Joel, he is so many things to me and all of them as special as this sunset. I don't want to lose him, not now or ever; except …

I can't leave Sarah, not now. Even before Al told me everything, I think I had already made my decision. If anything, he added nothing to the argument, just letting me know what might happen if I fail.

Fail?

If?

Why do all the simple little words have to have such huge consequences connected to them?

"Grandpa!"

I turned to my right to see a family walking down by the water's edge. Two children, one was a boy, whose height told me he was early teen, and a younger girl were running around an older man, trying to kick the water up at him, the joyful laughter they made came through loud and clear. The kind of laughter rarely heard in my world. Behind the trio, a couple walked arm and arm, lost in each others embrace while letting the waves splash across their feet.

I couldn't see their faces, the sun blocked my view but …

That should have been Joel's family, if Sarah hadn't died, if the fucking plague hadn't happened.

I felt tears quietly slide down my face as I thought of all that Joel had lost, all this happiness that should have been his.

Fucking world … fucking world.

That scene just re-enforces my decision; Joel will be happy again! He will have his baby girl at his side after he dies. They will spend forever in Elsewhere together. I won't fail.

I can't fail.

He will just have to put up with me for a few more years, because damn it, he still have so much to give to the world.

I will succeed.

Succeed.

That sound so much better than 'can't fail', I think.

As the family passed out of my view and the last of the sun barely peeked over the ocean, AL stood next to me, well appeared actually, seemingly to soak up the last rays of light.

"You can still change your mind, Ellie," he spoke softly as his eyes met mine.

"No," I let out a sigh while standing up, after brushing off the sand from my green dress and picking up those freakish shoes. "I have to do this."

"The odds of your success is actually quiet small, you know."

"Never tell me the odds," I smirked, quoting a line from a movie that Joel, Tommy and all the rest of the adults just loved to watch over and over.

Old people are so weird sometimes.

"You know why he would said that, right?" AL said with a snort, "Solo wasn't smart enough to understand the concepts of odds."

"Yeah, well, neither am I, I guess," I gave him a smirk while he gave me a warm smile in return. "Let's do this, okay."

"As you wish."

I closed my eyes for a moment, before I opened them, I felt a pair of tiny arms wrapping around my waist and a head burying it self in my chest. I didn't even need to open my eyes as I return the embrace with Sarah. She cried her eyes out, telling me she was sorry she yelled at me and that she missed me. We both stood in her living room, crying and seeking comfort from each other while another one of Joel's nightmares raged outside the house. I ran my hand up and down her back, letting her know that I was here, that I would still be here for her, that I will always be here for her.

Because that is what family are for.

* * *

Jackson

Autumn +10 weeks

I woke up with a start, quickly assessing my surroundings as I reached for a weapon before my mind caught up to its self.

Instinct.

Nothing more than instinct honed after twenty-one years of this shit.

Instinct and lots of luck.

I relaxed as the warm, clean room of the clinic came into sharper focus; the sound of the even, soft breathing from the bed next to me from the most …

No, not the most important person but the only person that made any of this worthwhile.

Ellie.

I rubbed the last of the sleep from my face as I gently squeezed her hand. Her hand still felt warm and …

"Joel," Nancy gentle voice came from the doorway.

So, that was the noise that woke me up then. I must have heard her coming through the front door.

"Morning Nancy," I said, starting the daily ritual that we have gone through every morning for the past three weeks since I'd been released from the isolation room.

"Any changes during the night?"

"She is still strong," I said meekly as Nancy checked her vitals.

"She is a fighter," Nancy said with a grin. "No problem changing her IV's?"

"No."

"Good, her vitals are still okay."

Okay? Yeah, right. Three weeks ago, they were strong, then they were good, now … now they were 'okay'. 'Okay'. Oh sweetheart, you need to come back to me before …

"Why don't you go home and get some rest, Joel, I'll stay with her for a while."

All part of the ritual.

"I'll be back in an hour or so, Nancy. Just want to shower and change clothes, then I'll be right back." I said my lines perfectly.

"You should get some sleep, Joel. Take your time, I'm happy to stay with her for a while."

Did we even need to say anything by now? Probably not but something's you just had to endure for the sake of others.

"Thanks Nancy, but I wouldn't want to impose on y'all," I said gently laying Ellie's hand down on her chest. She looked so peaceful sleeping there, like an angle my grandmother would say. I started to leave the room when Nancy's voice stopped me.

"Joel."

Wait, this is not part of the scrip.

"Joel, you need to get some sleep;" I turned back to the woman who was in her early thirties, her concern shown in her blue eyes as she sat down next to Ellie. Like many here in Jackson, it has been years since she has left the pure hell out there for the tranquility life here offered. "I have no idea the turmoil you must be feeling now, I know. Still, you can only do so much, you have to worry about yourself as well. You don't sleep well, I bet you haven't eaten well either since she has been here. Take a day, recharge yourself; we will let you know if there is any changes."

I must have been a real sight for her to say that much and I must have been really worn out since I allowed a bit of honesty leak out in my answer. "That's Ellie's job, she … she don't like it when I try to do her job for her, you know."

"Okay, Joel;" she gave me a sad smile. "Just to give you fair warning though, when she wakes up, I will let her know how poorly you been taken care of yourself. She will be furious with you, you know."

"I know," I said looking at my baby girl on the bed, she was looking so pale, looking so … "She is going to whoop me upside the head." My voice slightly cracked as I gave Ellie a tight smile, "I can't wait." With a nod to Nancy, I headed home for a quick shower and bite to eat.

It has been a week since it last snow, I think, but the clouds hung low and it looked like there might be another storm soon. It was going to be dreary, gray winter day, the day was going to fit my mood perfectly. I eased my self down the wind-blown snowy steps, Shawn hadn't been by yet today to shovel them. I let out snort and a small smile slipped on my face.

Shawn has kept the walkways around the building clear of snow and ice, something that should have been Ellie's job since her library operated here but that boy stepped up without being asked. Yeah, he was a major pain in the rump most of the time but then again, he might just turn out alright … maybe. Those two were like cats and dogs, they couldn't be around each other for more than two minutes before a fight or competition broke out. They weren't enemies but they weren't exactly friends either; they did however respect each other.

Mary-Ann has been working Ellie's library after school on her days off from the Greenhouses. Poor girl, they moved her from the Stables to the greenhouses; she kept having a mental break downs when they harvested the animals. To help Mary-Ann get the animals off her mind, Ellie allow her to help out in the library. I don't know if Mary-Ann understands how much trust Ellie put in her. Me, her weapons, and her books, the three most important things in her life, and Ellie wasn't one to let just anyone around her possessions, unsupervised.

I let out a small chuckle as I walked home, despite the restrictions place on her due to her infection, she still managed to befriend some of the other children in town. As well gain the respect of many of the adults in Jackson as well. At first, they tolerated her because of Maria, Tommy and I, but eventually, that spunky red-head won them over because that is who she is … because … because she was the 'L', damn it; resistance was futile.

Damn it, something was in my eye again.

I opened our door, it wasn't locked, of course. No one was that stupid around here; even on the off-chance that someone, somehow, got past the Fence, both Ellie and I were smart enough to catch them in the house before they could get the drop on us. I stood there listening for a good minute before closing the door and taking off my boots.

Ellie tolerate no one wearing footwear in her home, one could walked across her floors in socks or barefoot but one did not move past the door wearing footwear. It was simply not done.

We had to rip out the carpet when we moved in, it was too damaged to keep. In its place, we had used tiles; Ellie spent many days perfecting each tile placement before we cemented them in place. We used larger tiles on most of the house, although in the living room, the closer you got to the fireplace the smaller and more colorful the tiles became. In front of the fireplace, in bright colors; she had spelled out our names.

Damn it.

Here in the house, unseen by anyone I let them flow. It's so not fair, she … she …

I knelt by the fire-place, stoking it and adding enough wood to get it blazing hot again. My mind wandered back to those fire starters Ellie made for the town, I wonder if anyone had figured … naw, I would have heard about by now. God, she had a nasty sense of humor. I'm still not sure if I want anyone to figure it out or not; it would be a great laugh but sure as shit there would be hell to pay.

As I stood, my moist eyes caught the simple picture frame that held a piece of my past. The picture of Sarah and I, smiling after the soccer championship. It was the only thing on the mantel, a place of honor for me and my little girl. I wish someone had been able to save a roll of film or even a Polaroid camera, something, anything; I just want a picture of Ellie to put up there with us. Without her picture; the scene just seems empty, incomplete.

I shook my head as I head to the shower.

The hot water refreshed me, allowed my mind to act at a normal level.

How do I get her to wake up? Why couldn't she wake up? Why wouldn't she wake up?

I hate questions.

For twenty years, I had no doubts about any questions or answers I needed; I lived or died. That was the only question that I ever had to answered. Clearly, I been lucky enough to have the right answers. Except …

Sarah, I thought as I dried myself, she had been quick. Brutal, sharp and quick; she hadn't suffer much, probably didn't even know what was happening. I suffered for years but she …

God, I miss my baby girl. Still, as much as I miss her, as much as I wish she hadn't died so young; there are times I am thankful that she never had to suffer through everything I had. For her, her death was a mercy in hindsight. Guilt riddle me when I think that way but it was the truth.

Tess. She ran out of luck at the worst possible moment. I gave myself a mental snort, there is never a good time to run out of luck. But she got bit, she decided to give Ellie and I a chance to escape; to go out in a blaze of glory. Just the way she always wanted to go, guns firing and all.

I left the bathroom to go to my room to get change into some clothes as I remembered her face as Ellie and I ran, that look of sad resignation in her eyes. That look, yeah I still see it my dreams. We had been close, more physical than emotionally but we had been partners for five or more years. She let me join her little operations, she let me rise to the top, her second in command. She trusted me, to a point and I trusted her just as far. However, I knew less about her past then she did of mine, hell I am not even sure if she was actually from Boston or from somewhere else. She sounded like a Yankee but then they all do. It was a running joke between us, how weird everyone up there spoke.

Ellie …

Ellie wasn't my daughter, she wasn't my wife either; saying that she was a partner like Tess also failed to explain for what Ellie meant to me. We've never been sexual and hugs was about as physical as we got but we love each other. We express our love for each other by a simple look, holding each others hands, a whisper in the night when one or both of us have trouble being asleep … a beat up old picture frame to hold memories.

I know what they say about us, behind our backs like cowards. No one was brave enough to bring it up honestly, even Tommy and Maria tip toe around the subject. Sometimes, all that nonsense made Ellie giggle, sometimes it annoys the hell out of her, most of the time she just ignores it. I never care, it wasn't important, it distracted from my main goal of keeping Ellie safe and happy. I think sometimes that detachment really annoys people like Barbra … icing on the cake as far as I'm concern.

Ellie wasn't my daughter, she wasn't my wife, she was more than a partner; she was my family. And if no one else could understand that … well, fuck them.

I check myself in the mirror, I was making sure my beard looked presentable, just in case. Just in case, today was the day she woke up.

And then I checked my revolver, one bullet in the cylinder, just in case. Just in case, today was the day she would never wake up.

As I walked into our living room, I let my gaze travel around the room to see if there was anything else I need to do before I left. Tommy or Steven would stop by periodically, to make sure the fire was still burning; there was enough wood next to the fire-place for another few days.

One day, Bruce claimed, they would figure out how to get the natural gas flowing again or make propane; so we could go back to heating our homes without relying on fireplaces. I always kept my opinions to myself but I don't see either one of those options coming back anytime soon. Drilling for oil was far to advance for us to attempt here in Jackson, even if there was enough oil left in the ground around here to drill. Plus, Yellowstone was only a few miles North of here, drilling holes into the Earth near the largest volcano in world didn't really strike me as a smart choice.

Nope, most likely option will be to either salvage enough electric heaters or enough materials to make them. The power plant is working well for the most part. Most of the turbines functioned reasonably well and they had enough now to keep some off-line to save for when there was an emergency.

I don't know why but my eyes lingered on the empty guitar stands in the corner by the fireplace. Back in late summer, Ellie had found a couple of guitars from somewhere, who knows where, in the restricted part of town. Even thought she is an adult by town standards, she still isn't allowed in that area without permission nor travel out there alone, but she still did. Ellie hasn't found a rule yet she hasn't broken at least once. I just wish she would let me know how she did it. Damn her sometimes, all she would do is give me that damn smile that made her eyes sparkle and say nothing.

Those two guitars had been pretty beat up, original strings missing but she had found some replacement strings before presenting them to me.

I felt … God, I know I told her that if we ever found one I would teach her how to play but …

Had I actually believe that Ellie could have found … I don't know why I was surprise when she did, it was Ellie after all. She is the 'L'; she is always doing the impossible.

The last time I actually had the want to play one was just before Sarah died. She had a sleep over with her best friends from school; I played my guitar while the gaggle of girls dance and sang in the living room. After Sarah died, I swore to her that I wouldn't play again until we met in heaven.

Then Ellie found not one but two guitars and wore a smile bigger then I have seen on her in a long while.

I'm such a heartless bastard sometimes.

I don't know why I ever try to lie to her, she can see through me as easily as I can see through her. She knew I was lying when I said that I was too tired to play right then and not sure when I would have the time later to play it either.

How the hell did I get away with that Lie about the Fireflies? She had that same look on her face, that same toneless 'Okay' … maybe I never did get away with that Lie. Maybe, she just decided to let me think I had?

I don't know which answer is worst.

Anyways, she just stuck them in the closet that night, we never talked about it again. Well, Ellie and I never spoke about them; although, Maria gave me an ear full two days later about it. Tommy was a bit more sympathetic towards me but not much, not after the way Ellie …

I am such a bastard. Why does she put up with me?

I walked over to the hall closet where she kept them, just to check on them, not really wanting to play one or anything. When I opened the door, I saw that one of them went missing …

Hers was missing …

God damn it!

I don't know why?

Why do I keep shitting on her parade?

The tears flowed again as I pick up the one she gave me, a Washburn acoustic guitar with aged wood body, like one I had in Texas. With the package of strings in my hand, I sat down on the couch to restring the instrument. It took longer then it should have to restring the guitar, but I never done it with shaky hands before or having to wipe my eyes clear either.

Did she sell hers? Probably, or more likely, gave it to someone else who was looking for one. Either way, it was my fault, she just keeps trying and I keep fucking it up.

Why?

Why does she care so much?

Why did she throw herself at a bear that was twice her size?

What have I ever done in my sad, pathetic life to deserve her?

My eyes glanced up at the picture as my hands stopped working on the strings.

Sarah. I made that promise twenty-one years ago, it and my watch was all I had that was just for her. But, I've tried everything else I could think of to wake up Ellie. Nothing seems to bring her home, she just …

I closed my eyes, asking for Sarah's forgiveness as I finished stringing the guitar. Ellie could never, would never, never wanted to replace Sarah. Ellie wanted to know about Sarah because she was my daughter, she was an important person in my life. Plus, Ellie always said it would help ease the pain after all these years to talk about it. I always wanted to forget, Ellie never wanted to and for once, Ellie was right.

"Baby girl," I said out loud while closing my eyes, setting the instrument down on the ground. "I know I promised you that I would never sing or play my guitar until we were together again. I said that in part because I wanted to make up for the fact that I … I failed to protect you. That I failed to keep you safe and alive and because I kept living while you got to go to heaven. And, I also didn't believe that I deserve to be that happy again. For years, I didn't but well, you know all about Ellie. Sarah, you will love Ellie when you finally meet her, I just know it. She is so sweet and kind and caring and she is more than I ever deserve after failing for so long. But, she is also pig-headed and stubborn as I am, and she seems to think I'm the greatest thing in the world." I fiddled with my watch as I spoke again. "She needs me, all of me, to be there for her. You, you are safe in heaven, probably hanging out with all your friends, driving the angles crazy with your music; your grandparents I am sure are watching over you as well. But baby girl, Ellie has no one here except me." I slowly unbuckled the watch, for the first time in twenty-one years. "I'm not leaving you or forgetting you. Please believe me when I tell you that Ellie isn't replacing you." I stood up and walked over to the fireplace. "But … but I need to move on baby girl, for her sake." I set the watch on the mantel in front of the picture. Tears flowed as easily from my eyes as I have seen from Ellie's. "I have to start worrying about her more, not worry about how my actions affect you. I hope you understand, Sarah, you will always be my baby girl, now and forever. I will always love you, Sarah."

I took a few deep breaths, getting myself back under a control. Without so much as a glance towards the fireplace, I grabbed the guitar and headed to the front door, leaving my watch behind. I was losing hope, yes. However, I was not going to stop the fight, not till it was over and even then I might fight for few minutes longer.

Will playing the guitar and singing help? I have no idea except I hadn't tried it yet.

Ellie never gave up on me and I will be damn if I do the same to her. I will sing, I will dance, I will fight through the gates of Hell for her.

Why?

Because that is what family are for.


	15. Chapter 15

Nowhere – Unknown

Ellie is scared.

She is scared of what the Old Man had told her, about what might happen to me if daddy didn't show up. It's been really frustrating as I keep trying to explain to her that it simply would not happen. That it wasn't likely to happen because dad will find me here and then we will be happy. Especially, when she come back for good, then the three of us will be a family forever. When she asked me just how I knew that dad would find me here but not in Elsewhere, I didn't try to answer her directly. I just told her I had faith in dad. But Ellie; ugh, she is not convince that I am right.

And her doubts were starting to make me doubt myself a bit as well. I know I need to be strong for dad but if he did die and show up in Elsewhere instead of here; I would never know really where he was unless the Old Man came and told me. If he end up in Nowhere himself because he wasn't properly saved or worst; I could see in her mind what that worst could be. The worst would be if daddy did tried to find me here but missed and end up somewhere else in Nowhere; he would never know that he was wrong. We would be separated forever.

Yeah, okay; I will admit that fear is now starting to really worry me as well.

Plus, she is scared daddy will force his death, commit a moral sin of suicide, if she doesn't return soon. I don't know how she knows that but it's scaring me since I think she might be right. His dreams have never been this bad, not even before he met her did he have this many nightmares, it was like every time he closed his eyes he would only dream bad things. There was a desperation to them as well that scared me, it was actually worst than when I first died. What if she is right? If dad …. you know, does something to make himself die earlier then God wanted him too, then he will never make it to Elsewhere. He would get sent to …

I know the Old Man said that there really is no Bad place like what we learned in Church but …

I don't want to think about that and I really, really, wish she would stop think about that as well.

I wanted to tell her to stop thinking like that, actually I wanted to scream at her to stop those ugly thoughts. I can't because she doesn't understand that I can read her thoughts like the Old Man had done. I wasn't trying, honestly I wasn't, I didn't even know I could until she showed up. I though it was just a trick that the Old Man did with me to make it easier to talk to me, allowing me to see some of his thoughts.

Although, I really had to pay attention to her thoughts because, unlike the Old Man who was calm and had an orderly mind, Ellie thoughts were really, really fast, and she was easily distracted. Her mind jumped around like crazy from one idea to the next, more often than not, her thoughts never follow a real pattern that I could understand. I know I should say something, to tell her the truth, it was rude to do this without her permission but she was still very annoyed that the Old Man had read her mind, so I think it would be best to avoid that subject entirely. For like … forever, yeah that works for me.

Also, if she knew I was reading her mind … she would try to hide her fears from me. Her fears for me.

What really scared her the most was what I have done for the past twenty-one years. I know to her that may seem like it was a really long time but really, it wasn't that bad. I didn't even realize just how lonely it was here; well, after she showed up. And when I though she left me …

Okay, maybe that was kind of really scary. I can't tell her that because she is already convince she can't leave until I do and if I tell her how scared I got being alone, she would never go back to daddy. I keep trying reminding her that I was fine for all those years and it hadn't been all that bad, really, but she doesn't believe me.

Ellie couldn't get past the though of being here alone, it was like torture to her. A fate that no one should ever … she kept thinking that she would rather be trapped in a room with that 'fucker David' forever then end up where I was. That 'David' memory was a really scary memory for her and I really wish I hadn't seen it in her head either. I had always thought it would have been cool, when I was alive, to be able to read other people's thoughts. Now that I had that ability, I wondering how I can unseen what should have never been seen. Poor Ellie.

Even with all her fears bubbling up underneath her thoughts, if I wasn't who I was, I think she would have left a long time ago. No, I know she would have run away a long time ago. She wanted to bolt even now, only her love for dad was keeping her here.

Crazy part was how it didn't matter how scared she was, how terrified she is now, Ellie never showed it. If I couldn't read her mind, I would never know how close she was to breaking down into tears. Now matter how terrified she was; she gave me smiles, talked in soft warm tones, and try to reason with me as if we were talking about really important things like boys and music. No matter how terrified she was about this place, about dad dying by his own hands; she was not going to leave me until I went to Elsewhere; regardless of the consequences to her or to dad.

I think …

I think that this is what love really is, maybe.

I think I'm beginning to understand why Ellie doesn't even think about doing anything with dad that only married people are supposed to do. Why Ellie doesn't even think about sex when my friends and I though about it and talked about doing it almost non-stop. My friends and I always assumed that if you love someone who was not in your family as much as Ellie did with dad that having sex was the best way, the only way, to show your love.

Man, we were stupid.

No wonder adults often told us that when we got older we would understand.

Ellie and dad …

…

Something is different, daddy is … what is different with daddy all of a sudden?

"Okay, Sarah;" Ellie said out of the blue, her thoughts focusing on something she learned in church.

It's kind of scary sometimes how her mind can bounce around so much but then focus so clearly on an idea that it was almost like she was shouting at the top of her lungs, like she was cheering at a game or at a concert. I think she would have drown out the PA guy at the Longhorn games, that is how loud her thoughts are now.

"You believe in that whole heaven and hell stuff, right?"

"Of course," it wasn't just stuff to me but the Truth. I know that Ellie didn't believe in it, that worried me a bit before I met her. How could you be a good person and not believe? Dad took her to church but I always got the impression that she was just going through the motions. I know dad believe or else he wouldn't have me learned about God at Sunday school. Plus, I am sure God would forgive him in the end, he tried his best to be a good man. And Ellie as well, she doesn't believe but she still does what she believes is the right thing. Funny how that is working out, ain't it?

"Okay, what if Elsewhere is where heaven is?"

"But heaven is where God lives, where you go to be happy and I'm happy here, I will be even happier once dad and you come to stay for good."

"Have you seen God yet?"

"Of course, Ellie; God is in you and in me and in everyone." I recited what I had learned all those years ago. "You can see God as well if you just open your heart to Him."

"Pftt, God doesn't want to see me," Ellie snorted, she makes some pretty funny faces at time. Then she voiced her feelings, "He knows I'll kick his ass for all the shit he put your dad through."

"Ellie, no!" I reached across the couch and wrapped my arms around her as she just rolled her eyes. "You must not think such thoughts! God ..."

…

"Sarah?"

…

"Sarah?!"

…

"Sarah!"

"Daddy," I whispered out in awe as Ellie held me tighter.

Shit! Joel? Shit!

"Sarah," I gently shook her as she laid in my arms, crying and shaking uncontrollably. "Sweetheart, talk to me please. What about Joel? What is wrong?"

Damn it Joel! I'm not dead yet, you fucking impatient bastard!

"Daddy is ..." she lifted her head, her smile was brighter than I have ever seen on anyone's face. "Daddy is … he is doing it for you. I can't believe it! I never in a million years would have believe he would do it! He is actually doing it! And only for you, I can't believe it, he is doing it just for you!"

"What is your daddy doing?" God, don't do it Joel! Please don't kill yourself, you old goat! I can't leave her like this, I can't go home yet to stop you! So don't you dare do it! "Sarah, please talk to me, I can't ..."

"He is singing," she said joyfully burying her head against me once again. "He is singing for you."

"He is singing," I repeated slowly. Well, okay then.

Son of a bitch! She is freaking out on me because her dad is singing. I let out a silent giggle as I restarted my heart. Holy fuck, that is a relief; here I though it was …

Wait!

What?

Fucking asshole!

Now he is fucking singing? That old goat, I am going to kick his ass! The fucker waits till I am completely out of it and can't hear him, and then he decides to finally sing! He better fucking hide from me when I get back because I am so going to kick his ass this time.

"Don't be mad at him," she said giggling and crying at the same time. "He means well, after all," she pulled out of my embrace to look into my eyes. "He is singing for you, only for you, so that you will go back to him. Singing and playing his music, Ellie, that was dad's one great passion. That was what made him the happiest, just sitting around the house on his days off and playing for me and Uncle Tommy and whoever else happened to be around. When I died … when I died, he swore that he would never play again. Dad didn't believe he deserve to be that happy ever again." Sarah shook her head, "But you, Ellie, you showed him that he does deserve to be happy again. That he can be happy again. Thank you so much Ellie!"

She pushed herself back in to my embrace as I let a few tears fall as well. Oh Joel, what am I going to do with you? You … you, silly old goat, you.

"I guess," she said sadly now, "I guess I had been stupid all these years."

"No, Sarah, no you haven't," I pulled her back so she could see that I was being honest with her. "Your heart was in the right place, you wanted to be there for your dad, just as Joel as always been there for you. Look, you may have been misguided but you have never been stupid. You did the best you could do, and that … well, that counts for something, right?"

"Thanks Ellie," she gave me a sad but sweet smile and then let out a loud sigh. "You still won't leave till I do, will you?"

"I … I can't Sarah," I said as she tapped her leg and nodding to herself. "I have to make sure you are safe before I can go home."

"I'm still scared Ellie," she was biting her lower lip looking around the house. "This is my home, this is all of our home. Are you … you really think dad will be able to ..."

"You will be the first person he looks for, I can promise you that, and when I get there, I will be looking for you as well. And we will find you, because our hearts will lead us straight to you." I though about Colorado and those inbred asshole, I saw her flinch … strange … but I moved on. "As I have said before, if your dad can find me in a blizzard; we can find you in Elsewhere. And whoever is in charge there better get the hell out-of-the-way when we will get there or else." I gave her my best cocky grin as she just let out a frustrated sigh while closing her eyes.

"Y'all really need to stop saying things like that, God might not think it is so funny." I just let out a snort. Yea right, whatever, everyone loves my jokes. I am the 'L', after all. She let out a giggle and then sobered up rather quickly. "Alright, Ellie; I will go. I know with you around, my daddy is in good hands. Thanks for being a great big sister."

"That is what families are for, Sarah." I gave her hand a squeeze, "can you find your way there?"

"The Old Man will walk with me to make sure I get there alright," she pointed behind me towards the front door. I saw him standing there, still looking like that old guy from the dinosaur movie, he even had that same cane in his right hand. Yeah, carrying around a fossilized bug, that ain't creepy at all. He dipped his head in my direction and giving me a small grin. Oh yeah, forgot; mind reading that ain't creepy either. "Don't worry, when you come back you will be able to do the same thing, it won't seem so creepy then."

"If you say so Sarah … wait! You are in my head too?" I spun back around to her as she give me a sheepish smile and trying hard to look anywhere but at me. "Never … never mind. I just hope I hadn't … freaked you out or anything." Yeah, this will never be awkward later.

"No! No, of course not!"

Gads, she is a horrible liar! Clean thoughts, think only clean thoughts.

"I will see you again, one day, Ellie." She said getting up from the couch and gave my hand one last squeezed. "Just, I hope it ain't too soon, you understand?"

"I understand," I said softly watching her walk to the door as the Old Man, who was wearing an all white suit this time, held out his arm for her to take.

"I Love you," she said softly as a bright light began filling the doorway. "Mom."

"Love you too, Sarah," I said softly as the light enveloped her and the Old Man …

I felt a whimper escape my lips as the light … oh the light! It felt so warm and so loving and … I felt myself standing up without thought as I reached out with my hand … I wanted to touch the light! I need to belong to the light!

"No, no, no," a jolly, light female voice said from behind me. I spun away from the light to see a woman a few years older than me sitting on the kitchen bar, her bare feet swing freely as she wagged her finger at me. She was a curly blond hair woman with three odd-looking scars on her forehead, a smile that spoke of love and wearing a long cloak that had the same white/black living pattern as the Old Man's suit had been when I met him earlier. "It is not yet your time, you still have much to do in your world before you can follow the light."

I turn my head back to the front door, the light was gone as well as Sarah and the Old Man. I turn back to the woman, who was still on the bar wearing a mischief smile on her lips.

"Yes, Sarah is safe now, thanks to you." She said before I could even form the thought. "Yes, I am reading your mind, it is faster this way." She hopped off the bar and … man, she is same height as me. "You've killed two rats with one shot, not bad for such a lower life form." Oh lovely, now I being insulted by … whatever she was, I wonder what her name is? "Not important, what is important is getting you back to where you belong before any more damage can occur. Unlike my assistants, I really don't like having to run around cleaning up their messes nor the time actually. Forever might sound like a long time to one such as yourself but it is not really. And yes, I'm in charge. No, I am just using this projection so I can interact with you. Yes, I happen to like this particular image, she was rather annoying creature like yourself, even if she wasn't as rude as you are. I think the two of you would get along rather famously, if you'd ever met. And no, your jokes are not that funny."

She grabbed me by the arm, and gently pulled me towards the back door. I did have one question she failed to answer so I spoke out loud just to ease my mind.

"What about Joel?"

"Now see that path," she asked me as we step through the door on to the back porch, ignoring my question. "Just follow that path and you will find yourself in your own body." She gave me a slight push towards a path in the woods. "Thank you again for coming, we have all enjoyed your stay immensely, and remember to always try to have a wonderful life. Bye bye!"

"Wait, what about Joel," I said spin around to face the woman.

"Your partner is still alive and waiting for you, now run along. Don't forget to write." She gave me another, somewhat less gentle, push towards the path that was staring to get surrounded by a gray mist.

"No, what do I tell him about, well, all of this!" I felt a gentle tug forcing me back. I tried to pushed against it, trying to make my way back to the strange woman.

"Anything you want," she responded with a shit eating grin on her face as she was waving at me. "It's not like you are going to remember anything anyways."

"What? Are you fucking kidding me," that gentle tug was getting stronger but damn it! I want answers and I ain't leaving till I get my answers!

"Ellie, you have working knowledge of the Afterlife; I can't let you go back with that knowledge. It would be an unfair advantage over the other mortals on your world."

"It would be an edge, I would have an edge in surviving! And I not going to tell anyone but Joel!"

"Someone might over hear you, and that would make things worst because they might believe you. Make you into a prophet, a leader in a new religion. And you can trust me on this when I say that last thing this old Universe needs is another religion," she said with an eye roll but never losing her smile.

I'm really starting to hate that smile.

"This is bullshit!" I was really struggling against this pull now but I am not giving up yet.

"Plus, my young friend, it would be against the rules ..."

"Trust me, it is fun to break rules! You should really try it once, like now would be a great time to start."

"Ah, that is so sweet of you. Still, I couldn't ask you to violate your morals for me, Ellie, it just won't be fair to you but thank you for the offer."

"Morals? What morals? I have no fucking morals!" What the hell is pulling on me? One of those big turbines they have a t the power plant?

"And I would also hate for you to lose all of your respect for me as well ..."

"I can't lose what I never had!"

"You are so adorable when you are in denial. It has been a pleasure meeting you, Ellie. Bye bye now."

"You know, this is why no one believes in you!" I screamed out as the gray fog closed in around me, cutting me off from … whatever that was that I had talked too. "Fucking asshole!"

Jackson

Autumn +10 weeks

If Nancy hadn't warned me, I never would have believe it.

Joel, sitting next to Ellie and playing a guitar, really well I might add. Still not something I would have ever guess that this was something he would do for Ellie.

He has a really great voice as well. Very deep and soft, the deep part I expected since he was a big guy but the softness? Wow. He must have melted a lot of hearts back in high school. I wonder why Tommy never told me about this side of Joel. Probably because I never would have believed him, most likely. Yeah, well; hearing is believing.

"That song came from a singer named Kenny Rogers, he sang that particular tune for a movie he made back in the Eighties, the Nineteen Eighties I should say, you know way back in olden days." Joel let out a chuckle and I quietly laughed as well. My dad remembered way back when but I was a child of the new century, even if I was born in Nineteen Ninety Eight. He then let out a tired sigh, "I hope you come back to me soon, sweetheart, Maria shouldn't be the only one who gets to enjoy this music."

I blinked. How? I have been as quiet as a church mouse, how did he know I have stood here?"

"Come on in, Maria;" Joel said quietly as he strummed his guitar. "No sense in standing out in the hallway."

"How did you know I was out there," I asked as I walked into the room.

"I heard you coming through the front door," he shrugged his shoulders as if that should have been obvious to me.

"Love to learn that trick one day," I smiled as I sat down in the other chair.

"Not something that is teachable, just experience," he said gently. "Ellie learned how to do because she had to know, her survival depended on it, but if we try to teach someone here in Jackson, it wouldn't work because it is not needed."

We both sat there in silence as he strummed his guitar. I was searching for something to say, anything to help ease the burden he was feeling but …

Words escape me, even dad, my rock in those awful times before I met Tommy, had no words to help Joel.

"This next song … well, it isn't exactly as song. More like a story set to music, it ain't really good, in fact it kind of sucks but maybe after you wake up, we can work on it together sweetheart." Joel changed the tempo a bit, making it slow and sad as he began to sing.

_There was a man, an old man_

_whose child died many years before_

_A selfish man who heart was as cold as stone_

_Up in old bean town he had been_

_since the world had come to an end_

_A friend had came one summer day_

_with a little girl was in tow_

_the west is where she needed to go_

_The cure for all_

_she had in her blood _

_'Just get her to the Fireflies_

_that all I ask and then I can die'_

_Oh, how the old man flew into a rage_

_his friend can not die_

_but the choice was not their to decide_

_His friend took his hand and place it in the little girl's hand_

_and simple said_

_Taker her hand, old man, and she will lead you,_

_Lead you to the promise land_

_She has that spark_

_that will reignite that old heart_

_and you wouldn't believe_

_just how bright your light can be_

_Feel free_

_to share all your memories_

_It's through Sarah's hopes and dreams_

_She will see the person you're always meant to be_

_So taker her hand_

_and go save humanity_

_With a heavy heart_

_he took off_

_He traveled across this old country_

_with that little girl in tow_

_Trying as hard he could_

_to make sure she stay at arms length_

_Somehow that girl wormed her way into his heart_

_While trying to protect her he often found her at his side_

_protecting his blind spot_

_With a grin and a giggle she would just say_

_Hey, old man, come take my hand_

_and I will lead you,_

_lead you to the promise land_

_I have that spark_

_that will reignite that cold heart_

_and you wouldn't believe_

_just how bright your light can be_

_Feel free_

_to share all your memories_

_Through Sarah's hopes and dreams_

_I can see the person you were always meant to be_

_So take my hand_

_let's go save your humanity_

_Then one day his luck ran out_

_a piece of rebar_

_was sticking out his gut_

_He knew he was going to die_

_it would be suicide_

_for that little girl if she didn't leave him behind_

_He opened his eyes_

_to see her still by his side_

_as she cried _

_'I'm not going to let you die'_

_She said, hey old man, come take my hand_

_and I will lead you,_

_lead you to the promise land_

_I have that spark_

_that will reignite that heart_

_and you wouldn't believe_

_just how bright your light can be_

_Feel free_

_to share all your memories_

_Through Sarah's hopes and dreams_

_I can see the person you were always meant to be_

_So take my hand_

_let's go save your humanity_

_While that man was still ill_

_some nasty men came for his little girl_

_to cause her harm and turn her against her own will_

_He awoke with a start_

_his heart told him of trouble she was in_

_As he fought his way through a town_

_looking for his young gun_

_he finally found her in a burning lodge_

_In her eyes he saw the worst _

_her soul was dying as he watched_

_He want to kill everyone that he could find_

_who inured her so_

_but he knew violence would not save her now_

_So he simply held out his hand and said_

_Come take my hand, I will lead,_

_Lead you to the promise land_

_I believe I have the spark_

_that will save that beautiful heart_

_and you wouldn't believe_

_just how bright your light can still be_

_Feel free_

_to explore all my memories_

_Through Sarah's hopes and dreams_

_I will see the person you were always meant to be_

_So take this old man's hand_

_lets us save your humanity_

_Now there will be a many tales of those two_

_stories of the ages, handed down for to enjoy_

_Yes there will be many tales_

_of great battles and many lies will be told _

_of Ellie and Joel_

_but their greatest victory_

_will never be shared_

_but they know it was on that snowy day_

_where it was their love and not their weapons_

_that saved them all._

_They said take my hand, and we will lead you_

_lead you to the promise land_

_We have that spark_

_to reignite that heart_

_and you wouldn't believe_

_just how bright your light can be_

_We will explore our memories_

_through Sarah's hopes and dreams_

_we both can see the people _

_we were always meant to be_

_So with our hands,_

_we will be_

_a family_

I couldn't help myself, I was bawling. Oh the song sucked, it would take a million years to edit it into something worthy of being called a song, even then it would never had been produce back in the old days but that is what made it so beautiful.

It was pure, unedited, non-rehearsed, completely honest Joel, laying open bare for everyone to see. For everyone to see just how much Ellie meant to him, how much she had changed him, and how much he loved her.

It was so pure and … gosh darn it, I am going to be bawling for hours I just know it. I will never be able to explain to Tommy or dad why this horrible song had moved me so much, this was one of those things that …

"A family," a whispered voice echo Joel's hoarse voice.

I … no … it couldn't be, I looked at Joel and his eyes grew bigger and bigger as he stared at …

Ellie's hand was reaching out for his hand.

"Ellie," he whispered as he drop the guitar to take her hand. "Ellie, you are awake." His eyes, already red and swollen from crying during the song, grew even shinier as he sweep her up in an embrace. "Ellie!"

"Joel?" Ellie voice sounding confuse but that didn't stop her from hugging him back.

I wanted to hug her too, but I couldn't move from my seat. I just kept rocking in my chair, hands covering my mouth and tears running down my face; thanking God with every ragged breath I had. Ellie came home to us, to Joel!

"Joel, why are you … fuck bear!" She tried to pull away as Joel held on tighter, telling her it was okay. "Joel?"

"It's okay sweetheart, everything is fine now. You killed that bear, you saved me again."

"Then why are you crying? Why is Maria crying?"

"We are just so happy you came back to us," Joel said through his tears.

"Well, stop it! You are going to make me start crying too and I don't even know why!"

"You have slept for three weeks, Ellie," I told her in ragged sobbed filled breaths. "We were all afraid … Joel has been so worried."

"What do you mean? Where am I?"

"You are in the clinic and … shit ..." oops, I forgot to call Andy. I dropped the radio a couple of times before I was able to make the call. "Andy, Andy, I need you at the clinic now!"

_"This is control, what is your call sign? Over!"_ Diana sounded professionally annoyed, made me giggle harder as I hit the send button again.

"Control, I need Andy at the clinic, Ellie is awake! She is talking and everything, we need him here as soon as possible."

"You jerk, now you got me crying," Ellie said softly still holding on to Joel.

_"Medic One to Medic Two, meet me at the clinic asap!"_

_ "Medic two, here; on my way, just left school-house, children excited about the news, over."_

_ "Control to all units, sounds like Christmas has come early, stand by for any updates. Control clear."_


End file.
